Redemption Impossible
by RascalKat
Summary: Sometimes you make mistakes. Sometimes you can fix them. And sometimes, you never get the chance to redeem yourself. Will later be BBxRae with some Terra-bashing. First fanfic. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

_Just for the record, this is the first time I've EVER published anything via fanfiction, and I am, without a doubt, anxious to see how this goes. I've watched Teen Titans for as long as I can remember, and I've always had an obsession with Raven. Somehow that obsession developed into this fanfic. It will be BBxRae later on, and there will also be Terra-bashing, so if you don't like either of those, this story isn't for you. I have high hopes for this story, and I would love it if someone were to review it! I can handle flames as long as they aren't too rude, but I really prefer _**constructive**_ criticism, *wink wink*. The summary is also very cryptic, so please bear with me!_

_Summary: Sometimes you make mistakes. Sometimes you can fix them. And sometimes, you never get the chance to redeem yourself._

_Disclaimer: Really, if I owned Teen Titans, do you really think you'd be reading this right now? No. You'd be watching it. I've made my point._

_Now, without further ado, I proudly present..._

**Redemption Impossible, Chapter 1**

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Raven dropped the book she'd been reading and grasped her head as pain lanced through it like lightning. The seconds that followed seemed like hours as the lightning struck again and again, in time with her heartbeat. Black fog swamped over her vision, disorienting her further. A scream found its way to her lips, but died there as a low garbled groan. Just as suddenly as the pain had come, it vanished. The fog dispersed slowly, starting in the center and working its way outward until her sight was once again unhindered. Luckily, she'd been in her room, so no one had noticed. She picked her book up again, but she'd lost her place when she'd dropped it. Grumbling to herself, Raven opened it and started flipping pages, searching for where she'd left off.

A knock on the door kept her from finding it. She slid off of her bed and tugged on her cloth boots before opening the door.

"We're all meeting downstairs in ten minutes for an afternoon training session." Robin informed her, bo-staff in hand.

"Okay, I'll be down in a minute." She replied. She closed her door again before Robin could say anything else, determined to find the right page again.

As Raven flipped through the pages for the second time, she came to the realization that she had no idea where she'd left off. If that wasn't enough, she'd also just forgotten all she'd read in the two hours she'd been in her room. Scrambling to remember, she dove into her recollection of the past two hours, but it was like trying to retrieve hot shards of broken glass, or putting together the fractured bits of a dream she'd had the night before; useless.

Raven let out a hiss of frustration, going back to place her bookmark where she'd left off reading the night before, rather than five minutes ago. Biting her lip to quell her anger so as to keep anything nearby from blowing up, she teleported herself down to the commons room.

Cyborg, Starfire, and Robin were already there, Cyborg saying something about beating Robin's course record, Robin scoffing, and Starfire trying to be a mediator, but failing, as usual.

"You're not even gonna stand a chance against my new upgrade!" Cyborg exclaimed.

Beast Boy appeared in the doorway a few seconds later. "Raven, do you mind teleporting us out to the obstacle course?" Robin asked, completely ignoring the gauntlet that Cyborg had just thrown down with a smirk on his face.

Raven shook her head and engulfed herself and her friends in black energy.

Just as everyone disappeared into the floor, a coffee mug sitting on the kitchen counter spontaneously combusted into a cloud of dust and sparks.

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"Yes!" Beast Boy shouted, jumping into the air. "I've finally beaten my obstacle course record!"

Raven couldn't help but give the faintest of smiles at his outburst. No matter how much she enjoyed annoying him, he was one of her favorite people in the tower. Whenever she was near him, an unfamiliar emotion welled up in her (quickly controlled of course). She had assumed this was what it felt like to have a best friend, considering that she could hardly remember what it felt like to have one. She knew what it was like to have friends, of course, but the last time she'd really had a best friend seemed like another life time ago. She trusted him, would trust him with her life, and had before, but there was something else about him that she couldn't put her finger on. Of course she'd never told him any of this.

"Alright Raven, your turn. Try not to destroy the course." Robin said, smirking.

Raven let out a huff of air at his statement and nodded, rubbing her hands together softly, although the gesture was hidden by her cloak. She stepped up to the starting line, ready for a challenge.

A loud buzzing informed her that her time was starting, and she sprinted forward before levitating upwards and over an unseen but not unnoticed landmine.

Before she could blink, the air around her was sliced with the whirring of drones, all of them holding shock-sticks in their robotic hands. Trying not to jump as one of the shock-sticks zapped her in the shoulder, she encircled them all in bubbles of black energy and clenched her fists, turning the drones to dust.

She moved onward, swooping over a chasm that had suddenly opened up as lasers shot out with the ease of practice.

Raven glanced at the clock for a split second, knowing that she'd have to either speed up or risk getting stuck with dish duty. She preferred the former of course, and doubled her speed, completing the third section of the obstacle course in record time.

The fourth section required her to slow down and rely on her feet to carry her through. It was an expanse of electric wire spreading out in a maze of tangled lines, like a three dimensional spider web. Raven had to navigate the maze without touching the wire, otherwise it would shock her. Robin seemed to like utilizing the power of electricity lately. Without skipping a beat, she wove her way through the first few feet of the maze. As she got farther, the openings between the wires got smaller and smaller. The wires snaking along the ground twined together in a jumbled mess, so that Raven had to be careful of where she put her feet as well as how she'd gotten them there.

She glanced up again, smiling when she realized that she was ahead by about twenty seconds.

Raven stopped dead as every muscle in her body seemed to cramp up. The lightning like pain from before followed and she gasped, wishing there was some way to just make it stop. The only difference from before was that this time it felt ten times worse, as if someone was pounding a nail directly into her brain. Shadows closed in on her eyesight again, like a black satin curtain being dropped from the sky.

Raven struggled to keep from screaming, as was her instinct to hold in her emotions, and succeeded, although she collapsed in the same moment. She never felt herself hit the ground.

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I have more of this written, it's just that I have to type it all up, so I hope to update soon! I might update sooner if someone were to review though, haha! Actually, I'd be happy to find out that someone's actually read it, but reviews are good too!


	2. Chapter 2

_I apologize for taking so long to update, I've had a busy week. I also apologize that these first few chapters are so short. I plan on making them longer in the future!_

_Those of you who reviewed have no idea how happy you made me! I'm pretty sure I almost cracked a tooth trying not to grin too much… Kinda felt like I was gonna explode from happiness. I can hardly believe that you actually like it, considering how choppy and confusing it is. To those of you who added my story in your author's alerts, or story alerts, I thank you for that as well! To those of you who put me on your favorite authors list and favorite stories list… I really don't think I've earned it yet, but I'll try my best to deserve it! Now, on to review responses… If you didn't review the first chapter, you can skip down to the story ;)_

_**wtncgirl09**: For being my first reviewer, you get a star-shaped cookie! :D And yes, you are supposed to be confused, and I do write them out in a journal before I type them into my computer, even though just typing them would be SO much easier. Yet again, thank you for being my first reviewer! *hugs*_

_**Cuervos Bestia**: Thank you! I know the chapters are really short, but they look a lot longer in my notebook. This chapter is probably going to be even shorter, but the next few shouldn't be! Also, about your fanfic… You see, I'm not allowed to read anything rated M. I really wish I could read it, but I can't, I'm sorry!_

_**Sara and Kisa**: Oh great, they're following me… The next thing I know, they'll be showing up at my house, lol! Hope you guys get a fanfic account soon! And thank you for the review!_

_**Zenia**: I know it seems like it doesn't make sense, and to be honest, the way I wrote it really doesn't! But think about Raven's character. Would you agree with me that she is stubborn and independent? Would you also agree that Raven is more of a 'suffer in silence' type? She doesn't really seem to me like the person to go running to Robin or somebody when she's hurt. She would prefer to keep most of her pain to herself. (If you want to see an example of this, go watch the ninth episode, 'Masks', where Cyborg rips that x-thingy off her face *ouch*) Since this pain is so great, she is trying to convince herself that she's alright, by ignoring it and going back to reading her book. I know this might seem kind of extreme, but just go with it ;) I regret not having conveyed this more in the first chapter. That's really the only answer I can give you, but it was a valid question, and I salute you for asking it!_

_**Blanc Coreau**: Thank you! It's kind of ironic… I used to get in all sorts of trouble with my friends for putting too much description in my stories… My, how the tables have turned!_

_Now, I proudly present..._

**Redemtption Impossible, Chapter 2**

When Raven opened her eyes again, the view was still black, but a few seconds later her world was holding all of its color again. She got up wearily from where she'd been laying, realizing that she was still in the obstacle course.

She struggled to hold herself upright and steady. Although her body wasn't moving, Raven felt as if her senses were being rocked side to side, like some sort of insane teeter-totter.

She groaned and took a deep breath, dragging herself through the rest of the electric wires, trying not to wince when one touched her.

It didn't occur to her why no one had noticed her faint until she had finished the obstacle course, but by then, she already knew the answer.

Before her, Robin, Starfire, Cyborg, and Beast Boy were all huddled around somebody. That somebody was none other than Terra.

"Raven, you finally finished. Guess we know who's doing dishes tonight." Beast Boy said, a warm smile making his face glow.

"Huh?" Raven mumbled, not completely in tune with reality. She turned to read the time on the clock. Five minutes, eighteen seconds. She gaped at the numbers. Raven now held a record for the obstacle course, but it was the record for the longest time ever taken. She sighed.

"Well, maybe not. We could all go out for pizza." Robin suggested.

"Oh, yes, yes! A celebration of Terra's return through the consumption of cheese covered bread sounds delightful!" Starfire squealed.

"Yeah, and I'll answer all of your questions there!" Terra said.

"I'm in." Cyborg said.

"Ditto." Beast Boy agreed.

Raven was silent. She was still partly in shock from fainting earlier, and she wasn't really in the mood to eat. To be honest, she was actually starting to feel sick.

"Well?" Robin said, turning to her. "What do you think?"

"I'm… not really hungry right now. You guys can go without me."

Robin nodded. "Alright, you can stay if you want." He'd learned a long time ago that when Raven made any sort of effort to keep from having to do something or go somewhere, she usually meant it.

"In fact, I think I'm going to go to bed." She added quietly.

Robin nodded once more and they turned and left in the T-Car.

Raven watched them leave and took a deep breath. She was starting to hear static building up in her ears, and she knew that someone else standing next to she wouldn't have been able to hear it. Her ears were making it up, probably a side-effect of fainting. After another shuddery breath, she teleported herself to her room, just ready for the day to be over with.

Taking off her cloak and habitually tossing it onto a chair, she walked over to her bed, not even bothering to get her book from earlier. She certainly didn't want to read right now.

Raven lay back slowly, then flinched upwards as tendrils of searing pain volleyed up her back.

Within seconds, she was in the bathroom attached to her room, most of the lights turned on, trying to get a good look at her back in the mirror. She peeled the top half of her leotard away.

The electric wires. She'd fallen on them when she'd fainted and hadn't realized it until now. They'd burned through both her cloak and her leotard, leaving strips of third-degree burns lacing over her back, resembling the marks of a whip. She'd been too shocked to notice.

Raven changed leotards, deciding that she would heal herself in the morning. She still couldn't think straight, and trying to heal without a necessary amount of focus could result in making the burn marks worse.

She got into her bed slowly, opting to lie on her side instead of directly on her back.

For the second time that day, she wondered why no one had noticed her passed out for four minutes, but another side of her answered.

_It's not their fault. They were just excited to see Terra. Not their fault. The only person to blame is you. You're the one who fainted._

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_Again, sorry this chapter was so short! I'll try to update again tomorrow, or maybe Monday if I get the chance! Reviews are welcome! Oh, and by the way, if you like wearing capes and get writer's block easily, I would suggest wearing a cape while you write. It actually worked pretty well for me..._

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___Oh my, it seems as if I've forgotten the disclaimer... Well, even though it's kinda late for that, I don't own Teen Titans! There, I said it... Now can I have some cake?_


	3. Chapter 3

_That was the longest 19 hours of my life. I'm serious, I had to stop writing this chapter right in the middle of it, and for 19 hours I was itching to get back to it, but couldn't. I'm so sorry that I didn't update earlier! I've had a rather busy week (there were days in which I didn't come home until 8 o'clock at least). Having not already written this in my journal made it even more difficult, so I had to just write this by the seat of my pants, if you will. Unfortunately, these next weeks will probably be even busier, but I'll still try to update. If I can, I'll update later today, but this seemed like a good stopping point, and it's longer than any of my other chapters, so mega bonus! I hope I didn't disappoint too many of you with how I told you I'd update sooner than I did. Anyway, this chapter will be sort of confusing, so just try to keep up. I also made a note to try to be more descriptive, so I encourage you to tell me what you think! The good news is that I know what's going to happen next! That means I'll probably take less time to update ;)_

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Raven felt a blast of hot air hit her face as she woke up. She knew instantly that if she didn't find a way to cool herself down soon, she'd probably die of heat stroke. Her eyes were immediately bombarded by a landscape of orange, red, and black. Already she could feel waves of heat rushing down her body, keeping time with her heartbeat as sweat dripped down her face.

Raven rolled onto her stomach, pushing herself up with her hands and knees. She almost immediately regretted the action, for moving had only made the heat less bearable. She reached up to unclasp her cloak from around her neck, letting the far-too-insulating cloth slip to the side, forgotten.

She knew exactly where she was. Being the daughter of a demon made it hard not to. She was in her father's domain, but when she'd come here before, it had never been this hot. She had never truly felt the effects of Hell before, and now that she was, she could understand why they called it the Lake of Fire. She had to be dreaming.

Most people assumed that Hell was a dry place, barren of life other than demons and the devil himself. They were mistaken. The air seemed to have been smeared with humidity. Raven could almost taste the atmosphere for the amount of water lacing through it. She felt as if some huge dog was breathing on her, making her skin sticky.

In a way, it made sense that Hell would be humid. Most people could handle extreme heat. What really got to them was when there was too much water in the air to allow their sweat to evaporate properly and cool them off.

Before now, Raven had usually had a higher heat tolerance than average. Perhaps it was the fact that she was half demon, but ever since she had defeated her father, she had noticed that this tolerance was slowly fading away with a few of her other demon characteristics, almost like stars melting into the dawn. She never thought she would long for her demonic heritage so badly.

Raven brushed her hand across her forehead, trying to flick away the sweat. She knew she would give just about anything right now to be able to hold even a single ice cube in her hand.

As she looked up, her eyes widened in awe. About 20 feet away across the rough, clay-like soil was a puddle. A solitary puddle among the black terrain, but to her it might as well have been an oasis in the Sahara. The burnt sky reflected off of it enticingly, and her mouth watered.

Raven crawled toward the puddle on all fours, her damp skin wafted by the air, cooling her down by a fraction of a degree. A drop of sweat spilled down her face into her mouth, and she couldn't stop herself from instinctively licking her lips. She tried to spit away the terrible taste, but found that having so little water in her system made it difficult. It almost felt as if her mouth had been swathed in foamy syrup.

Slowly but surely, she made her way to the puddle and gawked into the murky liquid. It could have been black with sludge and she wouldn't have cared. She dipped a hand in, but pulled back when she realized that the water was scalding hot. If that weren't enough, immediately afterward, a geyser of hissing steam blasted into her face from somewhere in the puddle, and she recoiled in surprise.

Raven's eyes watered from the sudden blast, and the world grew blurry with tears. Two huge dark blobs moved closer to her, each grabbing one of her elbows. Together, they roughly dragged her away from the misleading puddle, knees dragging along the crude and unforgiving ground. She thrashed against their steady grip, but gave in when she blinked away the tears and saw who they were.

The one on her right resembled a Minotaur, its well-muscled body covered in shaggy dark hair, threatening horns spiraling from its crown. Its face was drawn into a perpetual scowl, and its eyes glowed a bright and ominous red.

The other was far less bulky, more like a man mixed with a lizard, but that didn't mean it wasn't as strong. Its tail resembled that of an alligator's and its head and body were snake-like, completely covered in scales. It had sharp, gleaming gold eyes that seemed almost luminescent. They actually might have been beautiful had they not been so fierce. The slit shaped pupils seemed to be able to stare through stone.

They were lesser demons, not even a fraction as powerful as Trigon, much less Azazel or Lucifer, but they were still far stronger than humans. In her present state, Raven knew that she had no chance of defeating them, leaving her to wonder where they were taking her.

Ironically, she was beginning to wish she hadn't taken her cloak off. Whether the temperature was unearthly or not, her cloak would have made her feel less vulnerable, protected, almost like a security blanket. That didn't mean she'd ever told anyone that, of course, but regardless, she still wished she hadn't left it behind.

As Raven took her gaze off the ground, she realized that her duo of demons was dragging her towards a cliff. Panic swelled in her chest as they got closer and closer, and she fought to free herself from their grasp. Her struggles were futile, but thankfully, they stopped a few feet from the edge, standing there like solemn statues.

Raven glanced from one demon to the other, hoping for one of them to explain, but instead of replying, they stared ahead. She let out a sigh and looked onward as well, down into the depths of the precipice in front of her. Flames licked up the sides of it like the tongues of ravenous dragons, stopping only a few meters from the top. Farther down, Raven could see molten rock boiling in the furious heat.

Across from her stood another cliff, reaching up so high that she could only assume that it ended somewhere.

She tried not to jump when a grotesquely familiar voice spoke. "Raven."

Raven looked up to see four blaring red eyes open up in the cliff face in front of her. _Trigon? _

"I defeated you. You are nothing but a figment of my imagination." She snarled.

"I would beg to differ. Do I not look real to you?" he retorted in his low, thunderous voice.

"But I… this is impossible. You can't have survived."

"But I did." He taunted, eyes narrowing.

"No! You aren't real!" she shouted at him.

"Oh, but I am." Now his voice was placating, smooth as butter. The lessor demons let go of Raven's elbows, and her forehead smacked against the ground.

Suddenly the world grew darker, and she looked down to find that the stable earth had dissolved into a blistering tar-pit. Somehow her reflection was visible, and she could see four red eyes glaring from where her two blue ones had once been.

Raven could feel her body begin to sink into the tar, and her mind raced back to another time when she'd been sinking; back when she had fought Terra and lost. When Terra had drowned her in mud.

In one last shriek of defiance, she bellowed. "I DESTROYED YOU!"

But even such a determined statement could not shed away the doubt and fear in her mind as the stifling black quicksand dragged her under.

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So it seems we've come to the end of this chapter. Any questions? Good, leave a review and I'll try to answer them (unless answering them would give away the plot of course). Any notes on grammar? I'd love to hear them, so I can fix them! Again, I encourage you to leave a review telling me what you thought (especially considering description) and I can handle flames, so long as they aren't down-right jerk-ish. I'll try to update as soon as I can!


	4. Chapter 4

_Well, I decided that I needed to give you guys another chapter, considering that I probably will not be able to update this week. Two updates in one day, you guys are lucky! __Anyway, Robin acts a little bit OOC in this chapter, as does Raven. I know you Terra haters out there will probably hate this chapter though. Fair warning, this story is only somewhat BBXRae up until almost the end. The Terra-bashing also comes later. For the most part, it's basically about Raven though. Personally, I like it, but everyone has different tastes *shrugs*. Also, this chapter does not contain any Beast Boy. His name is mentioned… once I think, but that's it. We'll get more into the BBXRae parts later, as I said before. Hope you like the chapter! As always, I encourage you to review! Sometimes reviews can effect the plot ;)_

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Raven opened her eyes and glanced around in confusion, finding herself curled up in a place she didn't recognize.

Cold sweat curled down her spine and around her neck. The icy metal up against her back was a stark contrast against the searing heat of her father's domain from her dream world.

She blinked her eyes blearily, trying to figure out where she was. After a few seconds of examining her surroundings, she realized that she was huddled into a corner underneath the kitchen counter in the commons room.

_What in the world? How did I get _here?_ I don't sleepwalk; at least I don't think I do. Did I fall asleep here or something? Why would I fall asleep under a counter? No… I was pretty sure I fell asleep in my own bed last night… So how did I get here? _

Raven was startled from her thoughts when the door to the commons opened.

Anxiety welled up inside her at the sight of Robin's feet walking closer to the counter.

_I'm not supposed to be here. If he finds me under here, he might ask why. But I don't know why. So how would I answer? _

Raven cowered farther into her corner as Robin walked past the counter, hoping he wouldn't see her.

"Who left the faucet on?" he wondered out loud, turning it off.

Raven shrugged impulsively. Robin walked back over to where she was hiding and sat down in one of the chairs, accidentally kicking Raven in the side. She held in a gasp of surprise and teleported to her room before Robin got the chance to look under the counter.

Back in her own room, Raven leaned against her desk. The combination of adrenaline and using her powers to soon after waking up made her slightly dizzy.

She took a deep breath and checked to make sure her hair was still the way it was supposed to be in her bathroom mirror. Her heartbeat quickened when she saw her reflection. Her eyes looked bloodshot, but it was more than that. The lines of red in the whites of her eyes almost seemed to be burning, luminous somehow.

Raven blinked a few times, trying to make sure that it was real.

The last time her eyes had been like that had been a long time ago, when she had been about seven years old. A rare virus had spread throughout Azerath, causing high fevers. Raven had caught the virus, and a side-effect of the fever had been this. The monks had attributed it to her father's genes, saying that the fire of his realm had crept into her blood somehow.

She wondered if it had anything to do with how hot she had been in the middle of her dream. Had she gotten a fever in the middle of the night? That would explain how vividly she could feel in her dream world, which usually didn't happen.

Raven splashed water into her eyes and the glowing faded. She shook off her thoughts and ran her fingers through her hair, meeting only a few tangled patches.

Five minutes later, she walked into the commons room again.

Robin was still sitting right where she'd left him. He glanced up for a second as she entered, then went back to reading his paper.

Raven set a kettle full of water on the stove for her tea, grabbed a book, and sat down on the couch to wait.

When the water had finished boiling, she poured herself a cup and dropped in a tea bag. As she stood in front of the window drinking her tea, the sun began to rise, making the view a magnificent life-sized canvas. She knew that Cyborg and Starfire wouldn't be up for a few hours, and Beast Boy would take even longer getting up. She had no idea when Terra would be up, or if she already was.

The scuff of Robin's boots on the ground behind Raven almost startled her into spilling her tea.

"Raven, we need to talk." His tone immediately caused her to stiffen. She had been expecting him to say something more positive, but instead he sounded more like a parent about to rebuke their child.

Deciding to play it cool, she replied with a nonchalant "Okay."

Robin looked around for a second, and then put a hand on her shoulder, sorely reminding her that she'd forgotten to heal the burns on her back that morning. She could tell that it wasn't for reassurance, but she wasn't exactly sure what it _had_ been for.

"I mean we need to talk somewhere private, like in the conference room. I have a few things I need to say to you."

For the second time, Raven wondered why his tone was so rigid, but again, she brushed it off, and followed him to the conference room.

"You can sit down if you want." He said, though he made no motion to sit down himself after closing the doors.

Raven put her tea on the table and sat in one of the chairs, crossing her arms and looking up at him. "What is it?"

"Well, considering that you declined coming to the pizza parlor last night" he began, sounding as if he was mad at her for choosing to stay. "I suppose I'll have to fill you in on the details." Again, he made it sound as if this were a grueling job that he was irritated for having to do. _What happened to the understanding Robin from last night?_ "Anyway, you remember when Beast Boy thought he saw Terra?"

"Yes. I assume that she was actually Terra, and had just lost her memory?"

"Exactly."

"And she only just remembered who she was before?"

Robin responded with a nod.

"Okay, so I'm filled in. Can I leave now?" As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she'd made a mistake in saying them.

Robin glared at her somewhat angrily, and replied in a cold voice. "No. I had other things I needed to discuss with you."

Raven unconsciously shrank farther into her chair. "So, what did you need to talk about?" She couldn't help but feel like some rude kindergartner who had pushed someone down in the hallway and been sent to the Principal's office to be scolded.

"You've never been the kindest person toward Terra."

"Do you think my suspicions were not well deserved?"

"They were back then. Terra is a different person now. She knows what mistakes she's made. I would just feel better if you didn't act so coldly toward her. You need to try to be friendlier towards her, Raven."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was Robin _admonishing_ her? _Didn't I have a good reason not to trust Terra then? After all, she did turn out to be a traitor. So why is Robin telling me to trust her now? In any case, my personality is my own. Who is he to tell me who to be nice to?_

"You never liked Terra. That was plain enough to see. The one thing I want to make sure of, Raven, is that you don't try to take revenge for when she tried to kill us. It's in the past now." He paused, letting his words sink in. "If you make _one_ move to hurt her, I will not hesitate to restrain you."

Raven felt as if she'd just been kicked in the stomach. She stared blankly ahead as Robin left the room, feeling the confusion swimming through her. _What in Azar's name is causing him to act like this? And since when does he trust Terra more than he trusts me?_

Nothing made any sense, and she poured her mug down the drain after getting up. She didn't feel like tea anymore.

Raven teleported herself onto the roof to sort out her thoughts as she watched the sunrise.

_Back before Terra was turned to stone, were my doubts not well founded? Did she not turn out to be a traitor? Even if Terra was a traitor, she gave her life to save us in the end. After she tried to kill us. She drowned me in mud for Azar's sake! She could have killed me! She could have killed _all_ of us. She betrayed us. We started to trust her and she turned around and stabbed us in the back. _

With all the evidence that she had built up against Terra in her head, she couldn't help but think that Terra deserved a second chance. Or rather a third chance. Raven had lost count of how many times she had tried to trust Terra and had ended up being let down.

The sun continued to rise in front of her as the flurry of thoughts wrapped themselves into a knot of trepidation in the pit of her stomach.

It was almost seemed ironic how she could be so anxious with such a beautiful sunrise in front of her, but the worst part of it all, the realization that stung the deepest, was the thought that Robin might have actually been right to caution her against taking revenge on Terra.

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_Ooo… somewhat ominous ending… Hm. Hope you liked it! As I said before, feel free to leave a review! Okay, so I know there's probably not an actual conference room, but this is MY fantasy… :D_


	5. Chapter 5

_Okay, I realize it's been more than three weeks since I last updated, and I realize also that an excuse would sound extremely lame, whether it's warranted or not. So, all I have to say is that I'm REALLLLLY sorry for not updating! SORRY! AGH! Believe me, I was just as annoyed as you because I never got the chance to write. I really missed it… Writer's block doesn't help much either… _

_Anyway, you'll be excited to know that this is the longest chapter yet! Almost 500 words longer than the last! WOOT! The bad news… well… after this chapter, I'm not exactly sure what to write next, so I kind of need the help of my reviewers. Please? It would be greatly appreciated! Any suggestions as to the direction of the story would be taken into account as well, I just really need some inspiration, badly!_

_The other good news is that I had a gloriously delicious time writing this chapter (whether that matters to you, I don't know, and I don't care). If you've every loved doing something like writing so much that doing it makes you feel all tingly and good inside, and at peace with yourself, then you understand what I'm talking about. Or maybe you don't… But it almost feels as if writing makes me hyper or something, but I'm just really happy after I've written a chapter._

_A few replies to reviews: _

_To FelynxTiger: Don't assume everything's clear to you yet... I have plans for this story, EVIL PLANS, MWA HA HA HA! Just kidding. But still… Don't make any assumptions quite yet! ;)_

_To Quill N. Inque: Omigosh, thank you so much! You're like, my favorite writer on here so far! I can't believe you read my story… *stares in awe* Ahem… Sorry for that fangirlish outburst… I'm hyper right now. So, thanks for the reviews, and the compliments! They make me feel all good inside. ^_^ You're a fantastic writer! *squeaks uncontrollably* Thank you!_

_Anyway, here's Chapter 5! Most of it is in Beast Boy's point of view, but the first part is Raven's. Also, the first part is a little rough, but no amount of revision seemed to be able to fix it. I didn't want to make you guys wait longer than neccesary. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! And I mean that, writing this chapter was possibly the most fun of all the chapters yet. Now, without further ado…. _

**RascalKat presents: Redemption Impossible, Chapter 5**

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Raven glanced over at Terra, taking in a deep breath. The cold, harsh texture of a hand cuff gleamed garishly in the light, encircling Raven's left wrist. The other handcuff was locked around Terra's right wrist, but she didn't seem to mind, waiting patiently as the training course reset itself.

_You know Robin designed this exercise specifically for you, right?_ A voice asked in her mind.

_Yeah, _another voice answered back, the contradictory feeling of indignant shame burning her insides.

Terra flexed her fingers, causing the chain connecting the two of them to clink together. Raven glared down at the offending chain links, fighting the urge to rip her hand free of the handcuff then and there. It wouldn't be difficult in the least, but if she did, she knew she'd get another tongue lashing from Robin. He already seemed to be losing faith in her, and she didn't need to give him more reasons to.

Raven glanced up at Terra again, who happened to be staring back at her. Using her telekinesis, she pulled her hood over her head. Having eyes on her sent a ripple of apprehension across her shoulders.

A few meters back, behind a thick Plexiglas wall, sat the rest of the team. Robin held his clipboard, ready to take notes on Raven and Terra's performance as a group.

Beast Boy sat to the right of Robin, sucking down a glass of water and simultaneously chewing at the straw. It was easy to see that Robin had put Terra and Raven on the same team on purpose. _Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out._ The two of them had never gotten along. Why did Robin think he could change that with one training session? One thing was certain; this training session wasn't going to end well.

Right on cue, the training course settled into shape, like the rippling feathers of a peacock's tail lying flat again.

As a moderate city threat alarm tone mixed with the bell that signaled Raven and Terra to start, the two turned to Robin for direction. He nodded for them to go on with the exercise. "Can you guys go check what the threat is?" he asked the other three titans. "I want Raven and Terra to finish this exercise first. By the sound of the alert, it isn't life threatening to anyone, so we can spare a few extra seconds. This shouldn't take long anyway."

Beast Boy followed Cyborg to the commons room along with Starfire. Two minutes later, the other three titans joined them.

"Nice job guys." Robin added over his shoulder to Raven and Terra as he came to stand next to Cyborg. "I especially liked that last move."

Raven didn't reply, and Terra simply nodded as she cracked her knuckles, looking up at the alert screen. Cyborg flipped a switch, and a live video of Adonis trashing a parking garage flickered to life on the ten-foot monitor.

As Robin had said, he wasn't endangering anybody's life, but he certainly was causing quite a bit of damage. "He's downtown, in the garage of the Summerton Building. 95th street and Belton Avenue." Cyborg stated, analyzing the information in the lower right-hand corner of the image.

Robin gave a brusque nod. "Let's go."

By the time the Titans arrived, Adonis had reached the sixth floor of the parking garage, overturning several cars along the way.

_This is what happens when we waste time getting to the scene of the crime_, Beast Boy thought bitterly. Robin had never allowed the team to be late to an alert in favor of a training session, no matter what the danger level was. Beast Boy couldn't help but wonder why he would allow them to be late this time.

"Titans, GO!" Robin shouted. Beast Boy shook off his confusion and plunged into battle mode.

Starfire took the initiative to attack first, but just like the first time they'd fought Adonis, her efforts were wasted.

Next up was Cyborg, who blasted him with his sonic cannon. When the smoke cleared, the only evidence of Cyborg's endeavors were minimal dents in his oversized armor.

Robin fired a few exploding bird-a-rangs at Adonis, and Beast Boy transformed into a bull, using the smoke as a cover for a surprise head-butt. Adonis spared no time in grabbing him by the horns, slapping him up against a cement wall.

Beast Boy vaguely remembered having tried that move on Adonis before. _Stupid,_ he scolded himself. _It ended the same way last time, being thrown into a wall. Why'd you think you could repeat it? _Beast Boy shook his head, waiting for his vision to stop whirling in unintelligible patches of color.

When everything had come back into focus, he looked around, realizing that Adonis and the rest of his team were gone.

The solid pavement shuddered underneath him as a loud_ thump _echoed in his ears, coming from somewhere above him. Beast Boy was on his feet in a millisecond, sprinting towards the ramp to the seventh floor without skipping a beat. He arrived just in time to watch Starfire showering Adonis with a flurry of starbolts. The aerial attack gave Raven just enough time to smash an already destroyed Toyota Corolla into him from behind.

Adonis staggered a few steps before finding his footing, turning around to pin Raven by the wrists against a wall, like a moth in a museum's insect exhibit.

For reasons that Beast Boy could not explain, the sight of Adonis restraining Raven that way sent a surge of boiling fury through his blood, warming the tips of his ears. It took an immense amount of self-control not to rush up and sock Adonis then and there. _Raven can handle herself,_ he thought, willing away the unexpectedly substantial urge to protect her at all costs.

Beast Boy struggled to keep his hands from shaking, eager to save his teammate. _That's weird. I've never felt like this about Terra. Aren't you supposed to feel protective of the person you love? Not someone who's just a teammate? Why don't I ever want to protect Terra this badly? _She's_ the one I'm supposed to love._

Beast Boy had never admitted it to anyone, but part of his crush on Terra was formed out of guilt. He still had a crush on Terra of course, but that had only been the beginning. After she had become Slade's apprentice, he couldn't help but feel ashamed of how easily he had turned on her. The recollection of how hard he had worked to talk her out of submitting to Slade blurred in his memory. He held contempt for himself only. Everything that he had ever held against her was his fault in the end, wasn't it? That meant it was _his _responsibility to love her, to replace the fact that he had betrayed her. He _had_ to love her. It was as simple as that.

Beast Boy cast Terra a remorseful glance, shoving off the urge to protect Raven, locking it in a shadowed corner of his mind.

Thankfully, Raven squirmed out of Adonis's hold at about the same time, kicking out strongly at him with a black-energy-covered-foot.

Adonis was pushed back with a force reminiscent of a charging rhino. _Rhino, that's it! _Beast Boy frantically transformed into a sage colored version of the sturdy creature. For the second time that day, he charged at the felon.

Adonis held on to Beast Boy's horn as he was pushed back to the ledge of the parking garage. In one swift movement, he grounded himself, tossing a charging Beast Boy over both his shoulder and the concrete barrier that stood between him and tumbling down onto the busy street below.

Beast Boy felt his stomach drop as he was catapulted into the air. The shock of his failed attempt mixed with the sharp burst of fear at involuntary free fall. It took a few seconds before he righted himself in the air, barely getting the chance to transform into a pterodactyl before landing firmly yet gracefully on the sidewalk.

No sooner had he caught his breath than he heard the stomach-turning sound of two people running directly into each other at top speed. Beast Boy looked up to see Terra and Raven falling from the parking garage, taking the same route that he had just taken.

His line of sight flickered madly from one girl to the other as he tried to figure out which to catch, should they not catch themselves.

Terra seemed to be capable of commanding a few rocks to stop her from colliding with the vehicles, not to mention the ground, although the look of icy fear on her face advocated the opposite.

Raven's eyes seemed to be closed, which suggested that she was unconscious.

Beast Boy was positioned to catch Raven, still in pterodactyl form, when he felt an irresistible tug at his judgment. _Catch Terra. _His thoughts swam in confusion. _Sure, Terra's afraid, but can't she catch herself? I'm pretty sure Raven's not even awake. If I don't catch her, she might fall to her death. So I should probably catch Raven? _

Once again, he felt the same compulsion to catch Terra rather than Raven, although it was unexplained. Against his own logic, he leapt upwards toward Terra's flailing form, catching her gently in his outstretched talons.

"I was just about to catch myself…" she murmured under her breath, probably thinking that Beast Boy couldn't hear. It didn't make a difference, because Beast Boy had his eyes trained on Raven as she fell.

As she passed the second level of the parking garage with no sign of stopping, Beast Boy couldn't help but scream. "RAAAVEEEEN!" It came out as an inaudible shriek, as he was in animal form, but it was enough.

Raven's eyes fluttered open, and she scarcely got the chance to throw her hands out and stop herself with her telekinesis before ramming, full-force, into the cement. The inertia of her fall carried through, though, and she smacked her head against the pavement with a sickening thud, her hands and feet suspended mere centimeters from the sidewalk.

Beast Boy stopped flapping his wings for a second, he was so relieved. Without a second thought, he swooped to her side, setting Terra down in the same instant. He tenderly helped pick her up off the ground, examining her face.

Luckily her eyes were open and alert, and the only noticeable problem was the blood dripping from her nose.

"Are you okay?" he asked, anxious concern drenching his voice.

"Mhm." She mumbled, lifting her hand to her face to investigate the sticky liquid.

"We should probably get you home." He added, looking up to see the other three Titan's faces peering over the edge of the parking garage seven stories up, having obviously caught Adonis already. He picked Raven up in his talons after transforming into a pterodactyl again, ignoring her protests. Terra found her own way back to the seventh floor of the garage just as police sirens droned through the city a few blocks away, no doubt coming to take Adonis to jail.

"Is everyone okay?" Robin asked, looking specifically at Terra. For what reason, Beast Boy never figured out. _Raven's the one that got hurt…_ Terra nodded. Robin only glanced at Raven, who happened to be pinching her nose, trying to stop the bleeding. "Alright, let's get home."

Beast Boy looked wistfully at Raven, wishing he'd chosen to catch her instead of Terra.

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_*Sigh* That was so much fun to write… Okay, so, as before stated, I need help! Any suggestions would be taken into consideration! Oh… and I don't own Teen Titans for the record… Yeah… Reviews are greatly appreciated. ;) So, until next time, cya!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Alright, I've finally finished Chapter 6! Well, part of it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! This is the longest chapter yet, 2,551 words. I'm so proud of myself. Enjoy! Oh, and just a quick warning, I'm posting this without editing because I didn't want you to have to wait any longer, so forgive me if there are rough spots. Please tell me and I'll try to fix them. _

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Raven stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself, shuddering as drops of water flicked from her hair tips, onto her back, a sharp contrast compared to the steaming torrent she had just left.

Picking up a stone handled comb, she looked in the mirror, which was still somewhat foggy from the steam. Gazing back at her were her own two eyes, above each was a charcoal colored smudge. Hitting her head on the concrete a week before hadn't left her without bruises.

As she studied her face, absently running the comb through her hair, she couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't healed the bruises when she'd noticed them. With a hiss of annoyance at her own failure to remember, she pushed the subject aside.

Raven took a startled step back as the mirror in front of her face shattered into jagged shards. The unmistakable sound of breaking glass echoed through the bathroom.

Her adrenaline at the unanticipated event faded into oblivion in a millisecond. The entire room listed to the side, followed by the feeling of electricity buzzing in her fingertips. Raven collapsed.

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Raven's eyes flickered around her surroundings, sightless for a few moments, before an anxious knock at the door pulled her completely back to consciousness.

"Friend Raven? I wish to know that you are alright, and that you have not done 'the drowning' while you have taken a shower!"

Raven shook her head a few times. "No, Starfire, I'm fine. Just… combing my hair." She cursed herself for how her words had come out in such a sluggish and incoherent manner. Luckily, Starfire didn't notice. "Grand! After you are finished, I would be most delighted if you were to go to the 'mall of shopping' with me?"

"I, uh, if it's okay with you, I'd rather just stay home." She replied, taking a few deep breaths to gain control of her manic heartbeat.

In the seconds that followed, Raven imagined she could hear Starfire's disappointed frown. "Oh. Well, then I suppose I shall go alone." Raven let out a sigh of relief as Starfire's footsteps faded down the hallway.

Fixing her palms on the linoleum, Raven pushed herself off of the floor, grabbing onto the counter (avoiding the glass) as she tried to keep herself from falling again. Raising one hand to her head, she closed her eyes. It was getting worse. In the past week, she had fainted three different times. What made it harder to bear was how inconsistent the attacks were. One of the times, she'd felt as if liquid nitrogen had been poured down her spine. Another time, she'd felt as if her skull itself were splitting open. Had they all been the same type of pain, she might have figured out how to endure it by now. _Should I tell somebody?_ She wondered for possibly the tenth time. Once again, a voice inside her answered back. _No. They've got enough to worry about without you adding to their problems._

Raven glanced down at the glass in the bottom of the sink. With a deep breath, she circled the mirror bits in black energy, forming it into the shape of a mirror before setting it back on the nail that had held it in place. There were still a few cracks, but only if someone were to look close enough.

Satisfied, she pulled on her leotard and cloak after drying her hair. In a few seconds, she was heading down the corridor that led to the commons room, although she knew she would probably regret it. Beast Boy and Cyborg were probably playing video games.

The doors to the commons room slid open with a quiet whir.

Raven immediately noticed the distinct lack of video game sounds. The TV was on, but it wasn't as loud as usual. Cyborg was in the kitchen, probably cooking up some sort of supreme meat sandwich or something. This wasn't surprising. The surprising thing was that Beast Boy was sitting on the couch, watching TV. Normally, he would have the volume up almost as high as it would go. Not now. It was almost as low as Raven usually preferred it, which was a few notches below what most people favored.

Raven felt the curiosity pricking at her feet, nudging her to find out why. She took a few steps toward the couch. When she was about five feet away, Raven froze. No wonder the volume was so low. He wasn't watching TV; he was cuddling up next to Terra who was almost lying down on the couch, leaning against Beast Boy. He was just about to put his arm around her too.

Raven felt as if she were standing knee deep in mud. Her feet wouldn't move, no matter how much she wanted to turn around and run back to the safety of her room.

As still as her feet were, a thousand different commands warred through her thoughts, struggling to control her actions.

_Are you crazy? Get out of there. Can't you see they want to be alone?_

_She's a traitor; get her as far away from Beast Boy as possible. _

_And Cyborg knows what's going on? Why didn't he warn me?_

Through this seething mass of possibilities, there was an emotion inside that went unseen and unheard, like a single vapor of wind in a howling storm: sorrow stretched around her lungs like a mesh net, weighing them down, making her feel almost like she couldn't breathe, even though she didn't know why.

With a massive exertion of focus, Raven banished every thought from her mind but a single guideline. _Step away as quietly as possible. They can't know you were here._

In response, Raven took one faltering step backwards, hoping they hadn't heard her. She paused for a second. Neither turned around. She took another step, and they still didn't react. A few seconds later, Raven was standing back where she had started next to the door leading out into the hallway.

Finally in the safe zone, she seized a deep breath, turned around, and headed through the doors, taking an immediate left that brought her to the elevator.

Raven punched the up arrow with the knuckle of her middle finger, stepped in, and pressed the button labeled 'Roof'.

As the doors opened again, she was greeted by a light wind playing at her violet locks. Pulling her hood over her head, she took off in the direction of the city. She had no clue where she was going; all she knew was that she needed to leave the tower, fast.

The humid heat of August was dropping off into early September, and Raven knew she would probably have to switch her uniform to a warmer substitute in a month or two.

Waves of tumbling water soon gave way to skyscrapers under the powder blue sky, studded with clouds wispier than a horse's main. She despised days like these, days when the sky wasn't bright enough to really be blue, but was some sort of pastel form. She hated pastels, especially of blue.

Raven concentrated on the ground, trying to block the loathed color from her peripheral. Her eyes rested on the ruins of the old library. There had been plans to rebuild, but they had been abandoned a long time ago. There were too many hidden passageways underneath to build on top of anyway, aside from the fact that it had once been the stage of the apocalypse.

Raven landed gently in front of it, not quite sure what had brought her to this place. For the past year, she had been avoiding it, trying to forget what had happened. She didn't need a reminder of the day she had almost led to the destruction of the universe, whether she'd ended it or not, yet something had guided her here. She felt as if there were something she needed to finish, some odd command she needed to fulfill.

Raven took a few steps toward the ruins, bringing herself ever closer to the crater where she had once almost died. The statue of Trigon's hand had disintegrated when Trigon had broken through the portal. All that was left here was a crater, with blue-grey dust gathering at the bottom. Something in the crater sent a flicker of sunlight in Raven's direction. For the second time that day, curiosity pulled her closer.

She levitated down into the crater, a sense of foreboding making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Some sense of anticipation drew her into the center of the crater. Raven surveyed the ground carefully, ignoring the thought that she should get away from here as fast as possible.

There. Something half buried in the dust.

She reached a hand down to pick it up. Most of it was covered in grit, and Raven was surprised that she'd been in the right spot for it to shine in her eyes. She rubbed the dirt away with her thumb, and in seconds, the copper face of a penny shone up at her, still almost perfect, aside from the copper being a bit tarnished. Raven squinted at the date. 1964, and it still looked flawless. Something dawned in her as she inspected it. This was the same penny that Beast Boy had found the day she… had almost caused the end of the world. The same penny he had given her for good luck. The same penny she had held in her hands just seconds before she had died. It was a wonder the thing hadn't been destroyed when even the statue of Trigon's hand had disintegrated.

Raven held the penny in her fist, squeezing it into her palm. The sense of foreboding had crumbled away, like dust blowing in the wind. Somehow, holding it made her feel more complete, as if there had been a piece of her misplaced that had just been restored. It made her… happy. As she gazed down at the copper disc in her hand, Raven couldn't help but let the corners of her mouth lift upwards slightly in an easy smile.

Gripping the penny tightly in her right hand, Raven flew from the crater and started along a sidewalk.

It was barely past noon, and there weren't tons of people out walking, making the stroll almost enjoyable. She kept her eyes on the passing storefronts, not looking for anything in particular.

She looked up to see fairly new sign hanging over the walkway that read _FABER'S JEWELRY. _She'd never seen that store before. Something was familiar about the store itself, but she knew she'd never been there. It was this thought alone that made her open the door, even though she would normally have never walked into a jewelry store on purpose.

As soon as Raven set foot in the store, she knew that she'd been right when she thought something was familiar about it. The dark green paint on the textured walls, the oak shelves that housed various bits of jewelry, even the smell of lavender started up a wave of nostalgia that she couldn't place.

Raven looked down at the penny in her hands, then back up at the rest of the store. There was a case full of jewelry made entirely out of coins in one corner, and once Raven had the thought in her head, there was no stopping it. She walked up to the main counter, tapping a bell sitting next to the cash register.

A few seconds later, the door behind the counter opened, presenting a man who seemed around 50 or 60 years old, grey hair, glasses, and all. He smiled at the site of a customer, and unlike with most people, Raven could see the kindness in his clear blue eyes. "Can I help you sweetheart?"

Shoving away the indignant feeling at being called 'sweetheart', Raven replied in her cold monotone. "Um, yes. I was wondering if you could bore a hole through this to make a necklace?" she asked, showing him the penny.

The man took the penny in his hand with yet another sincere smile. "Of course, that shouldn't be too hard." He said. "This will only take a few minutes." He added, disappearing through the door again. Five minutes passed, and he came back, penny in hand, although there was now a chain attached to it. "Would you like to try it on?" he asked, handing her the necklace and placing a mirror on the glass counter. "I can get a different chain, but most of the time silver looks best with pennies."

"No, this is perfect." Raven stated, looking at the necklace in the mirror. Somehow, the man had chosen the perfect length of chain, and even Raven had to admit it was appealing… if you like that sort of thing, anyway. Normally, she wouldn't be caught dead wearing jewelry, but this was a special occurrence. It wasn't every day she found a token from her past half buried in dirt. "What do I owe you?"

The man laughed a low throaty chuckle. "Well, boring the hole cost basically nothing, and I'm willing to give a simple chain to one of the saviors of the city. You owe me nothing." He said.

Raven was shocked. Even though she was a Teen Titan, it was usually one of the other Titans that got these kinds of benefits. Something for the shape shifter, something for the leader, something for the charming alien girl, something for the half-robot, but never anything for the one that was half-demon, so was she immediately suspicious.

Raven searched his eyes, trying to figure out if he was serious or just playing a trick, but yet again, there was nothing to show that he wasn't the kindest person she'd ever met.

"I… um. Thank you." She said, trying to be polite, although her voice continued to sound hostile. Maybe _this_ was why she never got gifts from fans.

Although she sounded rude, the man replied with one of the most genuine smiles she had ever seen. "Any time. It's the least I can do, considering you saved my life."

"We're just doing our jobs." She said, a well-rehearsed line of conversation finding its way to her lips.

"And it's a job well-done." He said.

Raven hated it when people complimented her like this. She didn't want to be rude, but she didn't want to thank him too much either, so instead, she made her way to the front door. "Thanks again." She called over her shoulder, hoping she sounded honest, before slipping back out onto the sidewalk.

The next few stores passed in a flurry as she rubbed the penny between her thumb and forefinger, thinking about what had just happened. She couldn't believe it. Someone had actually given her something for being a Teen Titan. For the second time that day she smiled.

Raven stopped in her tracks, taking a few steps back to look into an alley where something familiar had caught her eye. Her eyes widened. It was Beast Boy. By the dead look in his eyes as he sat on one side of the alley, Raven knew something was wrong with him, and immediately she knew just what that something was; he was drunk.

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_So, there's Chapter 6! Or part of it. Originally, it was supposed to be a lot longer, but I decided to leave it at a cliffhanger. Evil, huh? XD So, once I finish the next part of this chapter, which will end up just being Chapter 7, I get to write Chapter 8. Chapter 8 is a scene I've been working up to, so I'm excited to write it! Just so you know, I usually don't include stuff like the last sentence of this chapter in my stories, but I've decided to step out of my comfort zone. Not too far, mind you. I'm still the person that can't even say any cuss words in their own head, so it won't be very inappropriate at all. Just an experiment ;) Hope you enjoyed, and feel free to leave a review! I love those things. :D Thank you to all of my reviewers so far, too! I'll try to update as soon as I can. For your information, I have a small section of my profile info where you can usually find information about stories that I may not have updated in a while, or just how the newest chapter is coming along, in case anyone's interested._

_Sincerely, RascalKat_


	7. Chapter 7

_For those of you who thought that the last chapter was a cliff hanger, well, have I got a chapter for you!__Friday night or Saturdays seems like the best bet for the next update, and I'll probably only update once a week from here on out. Anyway... I can't believe I've gotten this far. Wow. And I can't believe that I have people who have read this far. Let me just say, the entire story starts picking up the pace in this chapter, so congratulations to those of you who stuck it out and got that far! To those of you who will probably want to kill me after you read this chapter, let me just say this. This story would be nothing without suspense. I would also like to thank everyone that has reviewed so far! (Karin: Why do you want to know what I'm wearing right now? Uh, can you say creeperish? Lol, just kidding, but still…) Now, without further ado..._

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"B…Beast Boy?" Raven stammered, gaping at the sight before her. Her eyes weren't lying. Beast Boy. A fifteen year old superhero. Drunk.

For a second, all she did was try to think up rational reasons for it. Maybe he got into a fight with a villain, and they drugged him. Maybe someone dared him to drink something for money and didn't tell him what was in it. Maybe he ordered something that had alcohol in it, and he didn't know. But why would they give it to him if he's underage? Maybe they thought a superhero was responsible enough to handle it. But wouldn't they have asked him to make sure he knew what he was ordering? Maybe… But then again, maybe not.

Raven shoved off her whirling thoughts. Whatever his reason, she had to get him home first. He could explain later.

She stepped up to him cautiously. If his instincts had taken over in place of his common sense and reason, she needed to be careful. "Beast Boy?" she asked again, trying to sound as sure as possible. If he had reverted back to a primal state, confidence was crucial.

Raven placed one hand on his shoulder, causing him to jerk away. He hadn't heard her calling his name.

Beast Boy looked up at her slowly. His pupils resembled pinholes in a piece of emerald colored paper, confirming Raven's theory.

His eyes widened in fear, but he relaxed just as quickly, recognizing the person trying to reach out to him. On instinct, he took her hand, letting her pull him to his feet.

As Beast Boy started to waver, she put one arm around him, holding him steady. Raven tried to stifle the unexplained happiness at the realization that she was closer to him now than he had been to Terra before on the couch.

She looked around outside of the alley, wondering how she was going to get him home without being seen. If a reporter were to realize that one of Jump City's vigilantes was drunk, there was no telling what kind of chaos would ensue, especially if said vigilante happened to be the youngest, as Beast Boy was. He was underage. Technically, they were all 'underage' but Beast Boy was probably the least responsible.

_Of all people to find drunk in an alley, _Raven mused,_ it just had to be Beast Boy._

She ducked back into the alley, taking a good look at her teammate. The sight of him caused a wave of unknown emotion to crash over her, some cross between a maternal instinct and... friendship? No, something deeper than that, something mysterious, but warm and compassionate as well.

Raven regulated her thoughts, focusing on the subject at hand.

No way was Beast Boy going to pull himself together again within the next thirty minutes, which meant waiting was out of the question. Raven was beginning to doubt her ability to rely on her powers to take him home, considering the mirror episode earlier in the morning. She sighed, trying to find a way past her current situation.

Beast Boy looked down at her hand on his shoulder as she thought. A happy, almost tired look crossed his features.

Raven pulled her arm away as quickly as possible. He sounded as if he was growling, in human form. No, wait. That wasn't growling: it was… purring? Beast Boy was purring?

Raven stepped away as Beast Boy moved closer to her, trying to remind herself that he had no control over his actions.

Without warning, he morphed into a cat, weaving between her legs unsteadily as his purring grew louder. She stooped to pick him up in her arms. Raven shifted his weight against her shoulder and he gave a surprised hiccup. Maybe this was the solution. If Beast Boy stayed as he was, in cat form, she just might be able to get both of them home without being seen.

Raven looked down at the cat in her arms, who sleepily dabbed one paw at the chain of her new necklace. He soon grew tired of his 'toy' and snuggled closer to her, closing his eyes. It took every ounce of will power to keep Raven from smiling.

She took a deep breath, taking inventory of how long she could keep herself in the air safely with her powers disheveled as they were. The flight over here had tired her out, and now that she thought about it, leaving the tower in the first place had been a very stupid idea, no matter how badly she needed the escape.

Ever since Terra had arrived, Raven had felt herself slowly losing control of her powers. A few days ago, she'd woken up to a room that looked like a tornado had gone through it. Books were strewn everywhere and her dresser was tipped on its side, papers torn and scattered across the room. She'd had a dream that night, which explained how a round of uncensored emotion might have destroyed her bedroom, but no matter what, Raven couldn't remember what the dream had been about.

Raven opened her eyes, although she hadn't realized she'd closed them. She looked down at Beast Boy, who was still asleep, purring involuntarily. She knew she couldn't keep herself airborne for very long, which meant she had to walk the rest of the way.

Raven shifted her cloak slightly to cover up Beast Boy's sleeping form, still pressed against her, then stepped cautiously out of the alley.

The walk to the pier was uneventful, although she kept feeling as if she was shielding Beast Boy from the world, which she was. What was worse, especially if Beast Boy really loved Terra, was that she felt as if protecting him was just… right, somehow. She couldn't describe how it felt as anything _but_ right. She felt like she was born to protect him.

There was a small twinge somewhere in the deepest part of Raven's heart, where she kept her most guarded secrets, her most clandestine thoughts. It didn't matter that no words had been spoken in her mind. That seemingly insignificant twinge spoke more than a thousand words ever could, and it scared Raven more than ever. She loved Beast Boy. And Beast Boy probably didn't love her back.

The sudden realization sent ice water through her veins, and Raven was dragged back into reality. She was running down the pier now, and she hadn't noticed it. Beast Boy hadn't woken up even at constantly being jostled through her movements. Looking at him made her want to shut her eyes and push the world away while she hid in a closet. Here was something she finally recognized that she wanted so badly, more than anything she'd ever known, and she couldn't have it.

The end of the pier was closer now, only about ten yards away. Raven gripped Beast Boy's emerald fur so tight he actually squealed a bit, but he didn't react otherwise.

Seconds later, they were both in the air. The two rose above the waves that thrashed about like a harbinger of the late summer storm brewing on the horizon.

It was hard to tell, but Raven knew she was flying far faster than she usually did. Only with the help of her powers did she land without rolling along the roof of the tower. She could feel herself losing her grip on her emotions, as if she were dangling by her fingertips on an icy cliff. She rushed to the elevator and bumped the button with her elbow, since her hands were still clenched tightly in Beast Boy's fur.

Raven could only hope that someone who could help him was home, probably Cyborg or something. Terra or Starfire would have no idea what to do with him. The elevator doors opened, and she strode down the hallway. When the doors to the commons room opened, Raven immediately gathered that the others had been concerned about their absence. All four of them were standing in a semicircle in the center of the room. Their faces seemed to relax when they caught sight of Beast Boy in her arms, although they also looked confused.

Raven was thankful for the hood that covered half of her face in shadow. Even if it was her team staring at her, they still made her paranoid. She held the cat form of the semi-conscious Beast Boy out to Cyborg, who took him immediately. "I found him drunk in an alley. His animalistic side took over. That's all I know." She said, cropping the speech short. If she wanted to completely lose control of her emotions in private, she had to hurry, and luckily, no one asked any questions. With a curt nod, she retreated to her room.

The door to her room was just sliding shut when the pain started. At first, it was merely a tolerable burning in her left shoulder. As the seconds passed, however, it intensified, narrowed, sharpened, to the point where it felt as if someone had just shot an arrow through her shoulder blade, skewering her heart with it. Her legs threatened to give way underneath her and it took an immense amount of determination to keep from crying.

Raven shakily found her way to her bed, where she curled up on her right side. She willed the hurt away, wishing that she could at least drift into unconsciousness. No such luck. She had to endure it consciously, and there was no telling when it would end.

She squeezed her eyes shut, letting go of her resolve not to cry, focusing more on not making a sound.

Meanwhile, in a different part of the tower, Beast Boy was facing demons of his own.

In his drunken stupor, his mind began playing games with him.

_A black expanse of nothing opened up before him, and Beast Boy found himself walking along a dim corridor. Every hundred yards there were two sconces, one on each side of the hallway. The one on the left was always lit, while the one on the right was unlit, and served as a perch for a small blackbird. Each time Beast Boy came close to the bird, it would fly away to the next unlit sconce. _

_As he followed the bird through the winding corridor, he became aware of the fact that the left wall of the corridor had turned to glass, and on the other side was Terra. Forgetting about the bird, Beast Boy ran ahead to where the glass ended. Terra was already there, waiting. He pulled her into a hug, but she broke away quickly, thrusting a metal object into his hand. _

"_Beast Boy, there's someone out there." She said, her tone scared and insistent. _

_Beast Boy looked at her in confusion. "What? Terra, what do you mean?"_

_Terra pointed to the black fog swirling around them. "They're trying to kill us!" she exclaimed._

_Beast Boy looked at the object that Terra had given him. It was a switchblade. "You've got to kill them before they kill us!" she insisted, pushing him into the fog. _

_He could do nothing but comply, but just before he started off, he turned back. "How do I know I've found the right person?" he asked, although immediately it sounded like a stupid question. _

"_You'll know."_

_Beast Boy nodded, and turned back to the fog. He started walking again. Five minutes passed, and Beast Boy realized that there was something ahead of him. The shadow of the blackbird flitted before him, leading him onward. Soon, he saw a ghostly silhouette standing in front of him. The bird darted through a frenzied flight pattern before landing gracefully on the figure's outstretched arm. _

_There was no doubt about it. This was who Terra was talking about, and Beast Boy knew what he had to do. Quieting his footsteps, he moved closer to the figure. In one swift movement, he lunged, plunging the switchblade into their abdomen. _

_The figure fell to the ground in an instant, landing face up as the bird shot upwards into the swirling darkness, never to be seen again. Beast Boy didn't notice the bird. He was staring at the figure's face. It wasn't any face. It wasn't the face of Adonis, or even the mask of Slade. The figure lay before him, eyes frozen in fear, in a death mask that they would carry to the grave. _

_It was Raven._

_Somewhere behind Beast Boy, Terra smiled in triumph._

* * *

Raven didn't know how much time had passed, but eventually, the pain lessoned to an intermittent throb. The bed sheets beneath her head were damp with tears, but no one had come up to check on her. That much was good news. Raven couldn't tell them now. Not when it had happened so often. They'd demand to know why she hadn't said anything, and she didn't have an answer to that question. At least not an answer that they would understand.

She let out a sigh when the length between the last throb of pain and the one to come stretched into oblivion. She waited a minute. Two minutes. Ten. _It's over,_ she told herself, lifting herself to her feet.

Raven's eyes caught sight of the dampened bed sheets once again, and she cursed herself. _I let myself cry. After all of those lessons from Azar on how to contain my emotions, I cried. I can't believe this. _She angrily wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. Once she was sure she no longer looked as if she had been crying, she teleported herself down to the med bay where she could sense Beast Boy's presence.

One good thing about these attacks, once they were over, she had control of her powers again.

Beast Boy was still in cat form, curled up in a tight ball of green fur. The expression on his face, although feline, was one of fear, hurt, sorrow.

_He's having a nightmare._ Raven thought to herself, almost sympathetically.

Across the bay, standing on the end of the pier, was a cloaked figure. They smiled quietly to themselves, knowing that the plan had worked. The vile of liquid poured slyly into Beast Boy's drink at the diner had been a definite success, and Beast Boy had no doubt already begun having the nightmares. The figure's smile widened as a thought crossed their mind.

_Soon, nightmares will be the least of their worries. _

* * *

_Oooh, how's that for an ominous cliff hanger? Hehe, I feel evil now. But let me say, I just got involved in theatre again, so I won't have tons of time to update. However, I do update my profile's "Update Information" section, so if you want to check there for news on this story, feel free. The next chapter is one I've been building up to since the story began, so I'm very excited to write it! :D Okay, that's all for now. Thanks for reading, and reviews are always welcome! Oh, and just for the record, I stayed up late to finish this, so be grateful. ;) It also has had little editing…_


	8. Chapter 8

_FINALLY! IT'S FINISHED! WOOT! Wow, this took FOREVER to finish. But the end part was quite a bit of fun! :D Anyway, it's getting late, but I think you all deserve to receive an update. Happy Thanksgiving everybody! (for those who celebrate it) By the way, I was mildly disappointed by the small amount of reviews I got for the last chapter. The depression from that sorry fact was part of why it took me so long to update, even with the holiday weekend. So seriously, please review. Otherwise, I get depressed ;). I definitely agree with the statement that silence is deafening. Anyway, on with the chapter. _

* * *

_Raven's eyes opened, drifting immediately up to the vaulted ceiling. The room was a calming mix of white, gray, and blue. A sudden feeling of nostalgia burst inside her, and she knew she'd been here before. The silk that flowed down the walls had always helped to create the perfect environment to train in and she realized that she was back in Azerath. Azar had first taught her to control her emotions here, in a place that was so natural that it made letting go of everything else simple; as easy as walking. There was something else here too, a memory that tugged at the corners of her mind, flooding the room with a tension that seemed so out of place: the frigid underlining of barely controlled terror. _He's here.

_As soon as she'd thought those words, there he was. He hadn't materialized out of thin air, hadn't walked into the room, but somehow, he was just there. It was like he'd been standing there the entire time, even though Raven knew there had been no one a few seconds ago. _

"_Arkeo?" she asked, whispering the man's name in confusion. Arkeo nodded, a cold smile on his lips. He looked almost malicious. But no, he couldn't be. He was Azar's most trusted servant. He was only here for… What was he here for? It was then that she realized that Arkeo had never set foot in this room before. He had one hand behind his back, holding something. _

"_Hello, Miss. I've got something for you." He said in a quiet and calculating voice. _

_Raven took an unconscious step back, immediately bumping into the wall behind her. Arkeo walked closer to her, brandishing a knife._

_Raven's eyes widened at the sight of the weapon. Azerathians were pacifists. No one was allowed to own a knife like that. How had he gotten one? And more importantly, what did he plan to _do _with it? Raven gulped slightly, forcing down her fear. If she let it free, she might just destroy the entire building. After all, it had happened before. _

_Arkeo grinned, his face glowing with hatred. "They've said you'll destroy the entire universe one day. That you're dark. Evil. So I thought, why not just kill you now?"_

_Arkeo's eyes sparked with cold fire. _

He's insane, _was all Raven could think, before lunging for the exit to the room. Arkeo wasted no time following, sprinting through the empty, winding hallways of Azar's mansion. He was far faster, and it was only through adrenaline that Raven managed to evade, at least until she came to a dead end. She backed up against it, breathing in shallow and unsatisfying lungfuls of air. If only Azar had taught her to use her powers. Up until now, she had only been taught to control them, not direct them. _

_Arkeo turned into the hallway, still holding that grotesque looking knife. More like a machete. At the sight of the dead end, he grinned again, showing two rows of perfectly white teeth. Raven continued to try to step backward, but of course, there was nowhere to go._

_Arkeo walked closer, reminding Raven of a lion about to obliterate its prey. She'd never wished for anything so bad as to be able to walk through walls at that second. Arkeo was only a yard away, inching closer with every passing moment. _

_Raven closed her eyes and winced, waiting for the knife's cool blade to touch her skin. Suddenly, her fingers started to tingle, and without warning, she was swallowed by a spinning black vortex that had just opened behind her. _

* * *

A jolt ran through her body, and Raven was awake again, cold sweat forming a thin veil across her skin. She took a deep breath, willing her runaway heartbeat to slow. Six years, and she still had nightmares about Arkeo trying to kill her. He'd gone insane with the thought that his life might be on the line if Raven was alive, and had decided to kill her himself. In her desperation, Raven had managed to phase through the wall. Arkeo had never lived to tell about it. Attempted murder was bad enough, but he'd also stolen a machete from the guards, yet another offense. His insanity had made the courts deem the death penalty to be the best solution.

Meanwhile, Raven had been forced to ignore the memories as if they'd never happened, on Azar's orders, but that didn't mean Raven had forgotten.

She sat up in her bed, crossing her legs and propping her head up with one hand. Arella's words echoed through her mind, her only advice about the incident. "You were given this life because you're the only one strong enough to live it." Raven scoffed at the cliché piece of guidance. _I wasn't the one who saved the world. I gave up. If it hadn't been for Robin and the rest of the team, Trigon would rule over the entire universe right now. It was my fault he ever escaped in the first place_, Raven thought, chastising herself.

A voice somewhere in the back of her head added a few words to her thoughts. _Yes, but if you hadn't destroyed him when he tried to kill the rest of the team, they wouldn't still be alive. No one would. You don't give yourself enough credit. _

Raven stood and moved closer to the window, drawing back the dark curtains a few inches. _I give myself _too_ much credit. Anyway, there's no use worrying about the past. I should have learned that by now, _she told herself. The eastern edge of the sky was beginning to lighten, the stars at the west end of the horizon still beautiful and bright. The brightest of them all held its place near the center of the sky. _Venus, the Morning Star,_ she thought to herself, having to pause for a few moments to admire how crystal clear the light seemed.

She pushed herself away from the window sill, closing the curtains and turning to open her door after she fastened her cloak around her neck. She knew she couldn't fall back asleep, and even if she could have, her nightmares made sleep seem… unappealing.

The hall seemed empty of life as Raven made her way to the commons room, cloth-covered boots making almost no sound on the cold metal flooring. Sound almost didn't belong in such a quiet and peaceful environment, so when the sirens started, they took her completely off guard.

The sound morphed slightly until it resembled fingernails on a chalkboard, and Raven winced, covering her ears with her palms.

The deafening blare didn't soften, not even slightly, and she gritted her teeth, trying to locate the source. Pushing her hands harder against her ears, she looked around, only to find that the hallway had slid onto its side.

Raven tried to wrench her head the other way to keep her balance, but the vertigo was stronger and the floor came up to meet her. Hands throbbing from slowing her fall, she pulled herself up to a sitting position. She sat there, head spinning and hands cuffed over her ears as the blaring continued, drowning out almost every other sense.

Even keeping her head up was a struggle in and of itself, and she finally gave up, letting herself drift forward until she was leaning against her knees. The only thing she could manage to think in a coherent sentence was that she hoped it went away before the others found her. Her prayers went unanswered however, as indicated by the arrival of three misshapen blurs that Raven guessed to be Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Robin.

She vaguely felt Cyborg lift her in his arms, but the movement set off another wave of dizziness, and the hallway blurred once again.

By the time things started to settle in her brain again, Cyborg was standing in an elevator with Robin and Beast Boy. The blaring noise that had yet to recede quieted long enough for Raven to hear bits of their conversation before it started up again. They were muttering about what might be wrong with her, something about a concussion. Raven couldn't stop the sudden wave of relief at the thought that there could be a rational explanation for collapsing in the middle of the hallway, whether it was true or not.

* * *

"So do you have any idea what happened?" Robin asked Beast Boy, voice agitated by worry as they rode down to the med bay.

"Sorry, I have no clue, dude." He answered.

"Cyborg, do you have any theories?" Robin continued.

Cyborg sighed. "Dizziness, from the way she was coverin' her ears, they were probably ringing…" he said, checking off the symptoms on his metallic fingers. "Beast Boy, did you see how hard she hit her head on the concrete last week, when we were fightin' Adonis?"

"Not very hard, I don't think. The main thing was when she and Terra ran into each other. I think she passed out after that." Beast Boy answered, straining to remember the details. For the most part, he'd preferred to ignore what had happened that day.

"For how long?"

"Um… I don't know, long enough for her to fall a few stories." He said, hoping that the question didn't occur to them why he had chosen to catch Terra when he'd known that Raven was unconscious. Luckily, they were more occupied with what had happened to Raven specifically.

"It might be a concussion." Cyborg stated, setting Raven down gently on one of the cots. "Did anyone ever notice that she seemed a little distracted lately?"

Both Beast Boy and Robin nodded.

"Now that you mention it, she did seem kind of out of it. She was also sort of… I dunno, extra prickly, I guess." Beast Boy said.

Cyborg nodded. "That's another symptom."

Robin shook his head, staring down at the floor. "If she had a concussion, couldn't she heal herself?"

"Not necessarily. That depends on how those powers work. If her brain got jumbled enough, the idea may not have crossed her mind."

"Should we wake up Terra and Starfire?" Robin asked. "They might be able to tell us their thoughts."

"Nah, let 'em sleep. The evidence we've got is good enough. I'll do a CAT scan to check for brain damage."

Beast Boy grimaced, obviously distressed by the thought, but both he and Robin disappeared through the med bay doors.

"Rae, can you hear me?" Cyborg asked. Raven's eyes fluttered, and she nodded after a few seconds. "Okay, I'm gonna do a CAT scan." Raven nodded once more, trying to fight off the wooziness that threatened to drag her back under.

* * *

_Well, that's all I got for now. I had to split the chapter up yet again *sigh*. It came out a lot more interesting than I originally thought. Soooo. Might take me a while to update, once again. I apologize for how long I've taken lately, I've got a fair amount of junk on my plate, but this is a passion of mine. If I don't get a chance to write for weeks, I get cranky, so feel lucky for that. See ya next time!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Okay now, you should all feel very lucky of how quickly I've updated this week! ;D Sooooo… I really don't have much to say for this chapter except it's kinda angsty, so, on with the chapter! Oh, and it's also probably got a few mistakes. It's late, and I'm tired and lazy, so deal with it. Enjoy!_

* * *

The sound of computer generated zombie-guns played throughout the commons room as Beast Boy sat on the couch, thumbs flicking madly across the game controller. He stuck his tongue out in fierce concentration before leaning unconsciously to the right as he pelted the zombies approaching him from the left with a flurry of bullets.

Cyborg walked over to the video game console, pressing one metallic finger into the off/on button of both the console and the TV itself. The once colorful screen morphed to a simple shade of black, and Beast Boy stared at it, mouth open and eyes wide.

"DUDE, I was on the ninth level! Do you know how hard it is to get there? I almost had the Ray Gun. It's a one-shot kill, I can't believe you ruined it!" he exclaimed, slamming his controller down onto the couch with far too much force.

"Too bad." Cyborg said nonchalantly, crossing his arms. "I just finished a project I've been workin' on for months, and it's time for the debut. Let's go."

"Wait a second, what project? You never told me about a project."

Cyborg chuckled. "That's because if I told you about it, you'd end up wrecking it."

Beast Boy raised his index finger, mouth open to make a defensive reply, but closed it instead, ears drooping. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Heh, you know it. Come on, everyone's waiting on us."

Beast Boy followed him down to the fifth floor of the tower, part of a section that had indeed been 'under construction' for a few months. Beast Boy had assumed it was being renovated or something, and hadn't bothered to wonder what was going on.

Cyborg lifted the construction zone tape that blocked the hallway, then opened the steel-gray double doors. Inside, the room opened up into a 70 foot tall dome that was probably three times as wide, made of the same steel-gray color as the doors. The entire room was completely empty, except for the four other Titans in the center of it.

"Dude, there's nothing in here." Beast Boy said, slightly confused.

Cyborg had a knowing smile plastered across his face. "You'll see."

"Alright, what gives?" Robin asked. "You dragged us all down her to an empty room, there has to be more."

"Oh, there is!" he replied, pressing a button on his robotic arm. A circle in the center of the floor lifted upwards. Underneath, electronic scraps were stacked on transparent shelves. Cyborg picked up a small black case that resembled a jewelry box. He held it out in one hand for the other Titans to see.

Robin looked inside, eyes widening as he tried to comprehend what it was. "Contacts?" he asked, somewhat confused.

"Not just any contacts. These are wirelessly connected to software that generates holograms around the room. You can only see them if you put the contacts in." he picked up something else that resembled a very futuristic looking sweat band. "This… Is a little something I call a synthetic nerve stimulator. It connects to the same software that generates the holograms, and it controls your nerves, allowing you to not only see the hologram, but feel them as well. You can turn it into a training course if you want. It disbands all attacks that are not hand to hand, but creates a hologram of the attack. The nerve stimulator also causes you to feel pain when you've been attacked, but you aren't actually harmed. There's a limit on the amount of pain it allows you to feel, so that you don't overload your nerves with information. The only real pain you actually feel comes from attacks that include physical contact with your enemy. Otherwise, it's completely virtual." Cyborg looked around at his team, noting the various levels of comprehension. "Capiche?"

"Okay, then. I want to see this thing in action." Robin stated.

Cyborg nodded. "I just need guinea pigs for a test run. We can do a sort of sparring session."

Raven, Terra, and Beast Boy volunteered. "Okay, Terra and Beast Boy. Raven, I don't want you involved. Remember what I said about training?" Raven rolled her eyes. Although Cyborg's CAT Scan had shown almost no brain damage, Robin was adamant that she needed to take a break. Raven had grudgingly complied, and it had been a week since she had engaged in battle, including training sessions.

"Robin, I'm fine. I've waited a week, can't I start training again?" she asked in a quiet voice that was almost always associated with her stubborn-as-a-mule attitude.

Robin clenched his jaw, obviously not wanting to let her train. He looked up at Cyborg, considering that his call would probably be the wisest. "Only if Cyborg is okay with it."

Cyborg chewed on the side of his lip, analyzing the situation. "I don't see why not, but I would prefer if she teamed up with somebody. Probably Beast Boy, since his fighting style includes the most physical contact."

Robin nodded. "Fine. But that doesn't mean you can help fight villains yet."

Raven gave a pleased smile at her small victory. Cyborg handed out the contacts as well as the nerve stimulators, and he, Robin, and Starfire took an elevator up to the top of the dome, which opened up to be a mostly-glass observation area as well as the control center for the software Cyborg had mentioned earlier. With the contacts and nerve stimulators in place, Beast Boy and Raven stood on one side of the dome while Terra stood on the other.

"By the way, Beast Boy, you never explained to me why you were drunk last week?" Raven whispered.

"Oh… That. Well, you see, I was at this diner, and I'm pretty sure they messed up my drink order. I've gotten the same thing a hundred times before. They probably just screwed it up."

"Huh." She said quietly. It made sense, but somehow it seemed highly unlikely.

"I, uh, didn't say anything embarrassing, did I?" he asked, obviously anxious to hear her reply.

"No." she answered. That part was true, but he didn't need be stressing over the somewhat embarrassing thing he had _done_, as it would only serve as a distraction, so she thought it best not to tell him.

Raven turned her attention to the top of the dome where Cyborg sat at a computer, wearing a set of headphones that included a mic.

"For now, I'm just going to set a timer for about ten minutes, and we'll see which team is doin' better by then." Cyborg announced over an intercom, although Beast Boy, Raven, and Terra were startled to find that his voice was also speaking directly into their ears, almost like head phones, courtesy of the nerve stimulators. "Okay, START."

A rocky terrain immediately materialized before them.

Terra was the first to move, obviously enjoying the fact that the dome had been designed specifically for her powers. She pelted her foes with walnut-sized rocks, and Raven and Beast Boy were surprised to feel actual pain where the rocks struck them.

Raven hastily put up a shield, and Beast Boy morphed into an almost undetectable fruit fly. Raven continued to act as a decoy. Beast Boy crept up behind Terra, transformed into a tiger, and bowled her over with a flick of his paw, careful to keep his claws sheathed. Concentration shattered, Terra scrambled away from him, using the rocks to aide her escape.

Five minutes later, Terra was rock-surfing as fast as she could around the arena, Beast Boy trailing behind as a kangaroo with Raven following both of them in the air.

Terra stopped on a dime before hurtling in Beast Boy's direction. Before he could react, she catapulted off of his narrow shoulders, launching herself feet first at Raven.

Beast Boy barely turned his head in time to watch Raven receive a harsh kick in the stomach. Terra somersaulted in midair before landing gracefully on the ground, knees bent with the tips of her fingers touching the dirt. Raven, however, was not quite so lucky. The force of the kick sent her careening backwards into a pile of rocks.

Beast Boy watched for a few seconds to make sure she was alright before morphing into a bull and charging at Terra. Terra easily dodged the attack, but Beast Boy couldn't stop himself from ramming into a small cactus. He snorted a few times, trying to rid his nose of the sharp bristles.

Raven had caught up by now, and as Beast Boy recovered, she and Terra engaged in a rock throwing battle. Terra bombarded her with a flurry of large rocks, and when the stone-shower finally ended, Raven was seething with anger. She carved out a huge boulder, about the diameter of their kitchen table, and prepared to throw it.

_No. If she uses that, Terra's dead. _A small voice whispered into his brain. Without thinking, Beast Boy morphed into a tiger and leapt at Raven, taking a swipe at her and feeling his right paw connect solidly with her side, effectively wrecking her concentration.

By the time he landed on the ground, Beast Boy had realized that Raven could never have killed Terra in the first place. Cyborg's words echoed in his brain. "The nerve stimulator also causes you to feel pain when you've been attacked, but you aren't actually harmed. There's a limit on the amount of pain it allows you to feel, so that you don't overload your nerves with information." Beast Boy shook his head, suddenly conscious of the fact that he'd made a mistake. He morphed back into his human form, starting to turn around and apologize, when he noticed the ruby coloring of the fingertips of his right hand.

_Oh no. _

He'd forgotten to sheath his claws.

Beast Boy whipped around as fast as possible, just in time to see Raven sag to the ground, doubled over with both hands clutching her side. The silky fabric of her leotard was ripped where he'd clawed her, and the scarlet blood clashed with her pale skin.

He bent down next to her and put his left hand on her shoulder, desperate to show his regret. "Oh, God, Raven, I'm so sorry, I didn't meant to, really I didn't!"

The rest of the Titans had gathered around within a matter of seconds, the training session forgotten. Robin was the first to speak. "Raven, can you heal yourself?" he asked.

Raven nodded quietly, and it only made Beast Boy feel worse when he saw the pained expression on her face. He didn't get the chance to apologize again, however, because she used her powers to teleport out of the dome, most likely to her room.

"Well, that's taken care of. Is anyone else hungry? I could use some dinner." Robin stated.

Alarm flared in Beast Boy's chest like a caged bird at the thought that Robin was already on another topic.

"I just _clawed_ Raven. She was_ bleeding_, and you're just going to let her leave like that?" he thundered.

"Beast Boy, it's okay, it's not your fault. Raven can heal herself, she'll be fine."

Beast Boy had never been so confused. He'd just done a horrible, terrible thing, and Robin was letting him off the hook already. "But it was my fault, I..."

This time, it was Cyborg who spoke up. "No, it isn't your fault. She'll be okay. It can be kind of difficult getting used to a virtual world like this. You've got to remember that it's not real." Although the small bit of criticism made Beast Boy feel slightly better, he couldn't help but feel that they were playing down the situation. He needed punishment for doing such a thing… Didn't he?

"Come on Beast Boy, let's go get some dinner. She's fine. Stop worrying about her." Robin said, heading toward the doors of the dome.

Although the other four Titans had pizza, Beast Boy didn't feel like eating. The guilt over what he had done was actually making him feel sick, and he started playing his video game from before instead.

* * *

Raven let out a hiss of frustration as she tried to heal the wound for the fifth time. It didn't work. The most she could do was stop the blood flow, but she wanted to keep it from scarring.

Giving up on her own natural healing ability, she got off of her bed and walked over to her bookshelf.

Within minutes, she had set up a makeshift healing spell, and another few minutes later, the wound had healed, although not completely. A trio of pink scars still arced across her side. Raven sighed in annoyance, but quit trying to fix it. _It's good enough._

* * *

No matter how many games of Nazi Zombies Beast Boy played, he couldn't get his thoughts off Raven.

Contrary to what he had expected, playing video games had done nothing to get his mind away from the subject. The longer he played, the more lead-hearted he felt over what had happened.

At 8 o'clock, he felt so sick with guilt that he shut the game off. The only thing he knew would work was apologizing to Raven face to face, and so he did. Raven answered the door after a few knocks, wearing a new leotard and cloak. Beast Boy didn't give her a chance to talk.

"Raven. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was. I really didn't mean to hurt you. I feel terrible for it." He said, hoping she understood, hoping she would forgive him.

Raven had felt his guilt through the door, and knew he was even sorrier for what he'd done than he had said. She also knew she would never forgive _herself _if she didn't forgive him now.

Raven gave one of those small, rare smiles, and Beast Boy knew everything was okay. "Beast Boy, it's alright. I've already fixed it. I forgive you."

"Just like that?" he asked, astonished. Raven smiled again, and nodded. Beast Boy felt his knees go weak with relief. He was forgiven. Suddenly, he felt lighter than air, and with his feet barely touching the ground, he thanked her and said good night, knowing that he would sleep well.

Raven, however, was another story. Although Beast Boy had apologized, she still felt as if the rest of the team were somehow at fault. They hadn't even come to check up on her. Did they even care? Beast Boy obviously did, but was it simply guilt that had brought him up here? Maybe.

She walked over to her open window. Looking up at the night sky, she couldn't help but be reminded of the dream she'd had a week ago, including mother's words.

"Arella." She whispered, her miserable voice carrying above the sound of the waves lapping on the rocky shore far below. "How can I be strong enough when even my own friends have stopped caring about me?"

The only answer was the wind whistling around the tower. Raven knew she was just imagining it when the breeze uttered the first few notes of a song from long ago, a song she had long forgotten the words too.

* * *

_Hehehe. Well, that's the end of this chapter. I'm really UBER excited to write the next chapter, as it's another one I've been building up to since day one. Alright, just remember, I loooooove reviews. XD_


	10. Chapter 10

_YESH! I've gotten to Chapter Ten! I made it! No, this is by no means the last chapter. I'm just surprised I got this far. For a special surprise since it's the tenth chapter, I've decided to include an idea that I got from another author, can't remember who… Anyway, I'm going to do a 'mailbag' type thing at the end of this chapter, and try to leave a note for everyone that has reviewed since Chapter 5. So, I've always wondered why Raven doesn't like being called "Rae". I've seen it in a lot of fanfics where she gets annoyed with that particular nickname, but for the life of me I can't remember where she said that in the cartoon. Did she even say it? But, I digress, and I've come up with a semi-believable reason for it, at least for my fanfic. And you'll figure out the reason in this chapter! Oh, and you'll also figure out Terra's favorite song. I just put it in there cuz it fits with the story, not sure if it actually relates to her though. I also included Terra's birthday, and yet again, it's probably not her actual birthday, but it fit the story, comprende? Also, I don't own the song. For the disclaimer of Teen Titans, see Chapters 1 & 2. _

_Remember when I said that Chapter 7 was the 'take-off point'? Well, if that was true, than this chapter is a jump from a cruise altitude of 30,000 feet, to an altitude of, let's say 50,000 feet. Hehe. It's a very important chapter! And it's probably going to be somewhat long, because that's how I planned it. _

_Wayyyyy of topic, for those of you who didn't know, I like drawing, mainly cats, because that's all I can draw. If you want to see some of my drawings, I'd suggest you tell me, so that I can make a website with a gallery, because that's probably the only way you'll see them. Unless I figured out a way to post them to my profile. (If you know how to do that, I'd love to know)_

_Now, you guys are probably waiting on Chapter Ten… So, armed with a Diet Mountain Dew and a bag of very messy cheesy popcorn that I have to eat with a giant spoon so I don't get cheese all over my keyboard, I shall begin! CHARGE!_

* * *

On October 4th, the commons room was decorated with balloons and streamers, as well as a large banner proclaiming Terra's 16th birthday. Over in one corner was a small stack of multi-colored presents, and in another was Cyborg's oversized stereo, ready to play whatever song Terra happened to request. The only thing that could possibly have made the scene any better was if the ominous looking clouds on the south-eastern horizon were to dissipate.

The main doors opened quietly, revealing all six Titans. Beast Boy towed a blindfolded Terra to the center of the room by one arm. After a day of picnicking and doing Terra's favorite things throughout the city, this would be the perfect ending to an already perfect birthday. He gently removed the blindfold from her eyes, and she gaped at the decorations before her.

"Wow… This is all for me? I can't believe this!" she exclaimed, walking around to get a closer look at every aspect of the room

Cyborg smiled. "Y'all ain't seen nothin' yet! Wait till you get a load of the cake!" He opened the fridge in the kitchen, pulling out a huge cake that resembled a two foot rockslide on a platter. Chocolate chips were scattered on top and around the base. Cyborg had dumped an entire bowl of melted caramel on top in an attempt to make it look like some sort of volcano.

Terra was speechless as she watched him stick 16 gold candles into it. He lit each wick on fire with a lighter, and Beast Boy turned the lights out.

Everyone but Raven belted out the Happy Birthday song as loud as they could, whether the key was off or not. The light from the candles illuminated Terra's beaming face until she blew each one out.

As Beast Boy turned the lights back on, Cyborg started pulling the candles out of the cake, slicing it into manageable chunks that he then put onto paper plates. The second biggest piece was given to Terra, while Cyborg took the largest for himself. Beast Boy was given his own special vegetarian piece of cake.

Terra thanked everyone between mouthfuls of crumbs, and as soon as everyone finished, Starfire dragged her over to the couch, pushing one of the presents into her hands.

"Oh, Terra, I cannot wait until you have unwrapped my gift! I spent, how you say, forever, on deciding what to give!" she said with a delighted squeak. When the rest of the Titans had sat down onto the couch next to her, with Raven standing off to the side, Terra opened the present, which had been wrapped in a very shiny green paper.

As she pulled out the first package, Terra couldn't help but chuckle. It was a small bag of "candy coal". "That's great! Thank you Starfire!" The second package contained a pair of socks, to which she could only utter a polite "thank you" without bursting out laughing. Terra preferred not to hurt the naïve alien's feelings.

Cyborg's present was next, and he'd apparently had the same idea as Starfire, because the box contained a small bag of 'chocolate rocks'.

Robin had paid for the tools to have Cyborg build Terra a 32 gigabyte Cy-Pod Touch, because of her love of music, so it was technically from both Robin _and_ Cyborg.

Raven's gift was next, and uncharacteristically, she had found something to give to Terra, no matter how much she distrusted her. Inside a small brown box was a lump of what looked like clay. Raven explained that Terra would be able to mold it using her powers, as it contained earth, and that it would take a long time to dry out. Terra couldn't help but be mildly surprised at such a well thought out gift, especially from Raven.

Beast Boy's gift was last, and Terra opened the package slowly, expecting to find some sort of gag gift inside. She was wrong. The necklace was probably the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Hanging on a silver chain was a milky white gemstone. When she turned it in her hand, it reflected every color of the rainbow. Clutching the gemstone was a silver dragon, wings intricately molded to hold the chain. Beast Boy took the necklace from her and put it around her neck. After looking down at it for a few seconds, she tackled Beast Boy into a hug. She pulled away a moment later, and Beast Boy had on a grin fit for a Cheshire Cat.

"Thank you" she said quietly. "It's beautiful."

_(A/N *gags* Kill me now, I've never despised writing something so much in my life)_

Beast Boy nodded. "Glad you like it!" he replied through his grin.

"Well, now that the presents are done, what do you want to do next?" Robin asked.

Terra thought for a moment. "How about some music?" she asked.

Cyborg smiled, and turned on the huge stereo. "What song?"

"Just turn it to some radio station." She said.

For around ten minutes, they listened to the radio as Terra messed with the clay using her powers. Then, as another song was starting, the ball of clay fell onto the table as she jumped up to turn the volume higher. "This is my favorite song!" she exclaimed. The first couple of words to the song began, and Beast Boy recognized the song to be Perfect, by Simple Plan.

_Hey dad look at me  
Think back and talk to me  
Did I grow up according to plan?  
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?  
But it hurts when you disapprove all along._

After thinking for a few seconds, Beast Boy could understand why it was her favorite song. All her life, Terra had traveled the world, never quite meeting people's standards. Although the song was addressed to a father who never approved of his son, it was easy to see how Terra had applied it to her own life, thinking of it as a message to all the people that had shunned her for her inability to control her powers.

He watched as Terra sang the words, obviously having a great time.

The second chorus was already playing.

'_Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be Perfect  
Now it's just too late  
And we can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be Perfect_

For some reason, Beast Boy turned around to look at Raven, who was still standing off to the side. She was staring straight ahead, her eyes were wide, and she looked as if she were focusing on a point on the far horizon. On closer inspection, he noticed something glistening as it slid down one side of her face. _Is she… crying?_

On instinct, he walked over to her, trying to figure out what was wrong, but also trying not to draw attention to the fact.

"Raven?" he asked quietly. "Are you okay."

Little did he know, she was reliving one of her darkest and most tragic memories…

_This was Tobey's favorite, _Raven thought, as she listened to the words of a song she had hoped she would never hear again.

Unwelcome memories of the last time she'd seen him came crashing through her thoughts. She'd met him when the government tossed her into an orphanage after finding her wandering along some road she couldn't remember. Unlike her mother, who had simply pushed her through a portal that led to earth, Tobey's father had disowned him, because he was "A disgrace to the family." Raven had disagreed. Being two years older than her thirteen year old self, Tobey had been the older brother she had never had, fiercely protective over his adopted 'little sister'.

The lady that ran the orphanage trusted Tobey, and had asked him and Raven to go to the grocery store for her.

On the way back at around nine o'clock at night, Tobey had pushed the bags into Raven's hands before walking swiftly down an alley. Apparently, a kid in his class was getting beat up by a gang. Raven followed silently, and had hid in the shadows trying to figure out what was going on.

There he was, pitting himself against three gang members to try to protect someone who hadn't done anything wrong. At the time, Raven was sure she couldn't think of anyone more valiant than her older brother.

He was a red belt in Martial Arts, and since it was just a fist fight, he had easily helped the kid to escape.

Raven felt the tears well up in her eyes as she remembered what had happened after that.

Another member of the gang had just arrived, a knife gleaming wickedly in the moonlight that had found its way between the buildings.

At this point, Raven went numb with fear. Even if she could have used her powers, she was frozen to the spot. All her body allowed her to do was watch in silent horror.

Tobey had been too busy fighting the other members to notice before the fourth member plunged the blade into his back. He didn't stop there, either.

It had taken everything she had for Raven to keep from crying out for them to stop. Their brother-sister bond was so closely knitted that Raven could feel his pain, every flaming stab from that terrible switchblade.

She would have done anything to save him, but in the end, doing anything at all would have gotten them both killed.

Once the other members had left, she appeared out of the shadows, collapsing to her knees at the sight of him. His already pale face had gone paler, and Raven knew he was dead, scarlet blood pooling on the asphalt. Tobey, who had protected her from everyone who had made fun of her hair, her skin color, her clothes. Dead. Gone. She would never get to hear him call her 'Rae' again, in that loving brotherly way of his. She would never get to hear him talk about how they would find their own place once he was old enough. She would never get to hug him again, see him laugh again, comfort him when he was crying over how much his father hated him.

_He'll never get to prove to his father that he isn't a disgrace. You monster, how could you stand by and do nothing? You let him die when he was only trying to save someone else! _A voice screamed in her head._ How could you? You're as bad as your father. Get out of here! You don't deserve to stay here. Leave, and never… _the voice croaked._ Ever. Come back. _

Through the tears welling up in her eyes, Raven had found her way out of the alley, down the street, across town, and into a vast expanse of countryside. She had barely stopped running when she'd reached Jump City, ten miles away.

A single tear slipped down her face as she recalled the gruesome images of his death.

As Beast Boy put one hand on her shoulder, she jumped, flinging up a shield to protect her. Encased in a dome of black energy, she sank to the floor, wiping the tears from her eyes. She couldn't let them see her cry.

"RAVEN!" Beast Boy shouted in a panicky voice.

Terra, who was standing across the room, uttered something to Beast Boy and the rest of the Titans, who looked worried over what Raven had just done in a desperate attempt to protect herself from letting out her emotions. "Beast Boy, she's just doing it to draw attention to herself. She's jealous because it's my birthday, and she hasn't gotten any attention, the drama queen." She snapped disdainfully.

Apparently, Terra thought that Raven couldn't hear her, but she could. _How dare she even think that?_ Something boiled up inside her, and before she knew what she was doing, Raven burst from her protective dome of black energy, towering over Terra at twice her normal size, her cloak flowing about her.

Righteous fury seared her fingertips, and Raven shouted, manic anger changing the sound of her voice. "How dare you? How. Dare. You."

Beast Boy wasn't sure whether Terra deserved it or not, but the rest of the team seemed ready to protect Terra if need be.

"Raven!" Robin shouted, hoping to be able to calm her down before she caused any damage.

Terra trembled below her, giving Raven some kind of gruesome satisfaction at seeing her enemy so afraid.

"Raven, I command you to stop!" Robin shouted once again. This time, she reverted back to her original size, although her anger was far from expended.

"What, are you taking her side on this too?" she screamed at him, fury making her impulsive where she would normally have said nothing.

"Raven, stop yelling!" Robin bellowed, his annoyance obvious.

"You don't care about me! You hardly ever did! I just about died falling off that stupid parking garage, and you didn't care! Beast Boy clawed me and _drew blood_, and you shrugged it off like it was nothing! If I died, would you even care?" she shouted. She immediately regretted it, seeing the guilty expression form on Beast Boy's face once again.

"Raven, stop! You can't hold a grudge like that. How many times did he say sorry to you? You don't still blame Beast Boy for that, do you?" he asked, his voice set to a reprimanding tone.

At this, Raven was silent. It was true that she was still mad about what had happened in Cyborg's training room, but the only person she had yet to forgive was Robin.

Robin continued. "And I suppose you think this time it's all Terra's fault, right? Raven, this is your own fault. When you fell off the parking garage, it was no one's fault but yours for falling, and you're blaming me for it. It was no one's fault but yours when you decided to hurl that boulder at Terra in the training room last week. Beast Boy was only trying to protect her before you hurt her! You've got to start taking responsibility for your actions!"

Raven said nothing to this.

Robin added one last stinging assertion. "Stop being so immature!"

Cyborg nodded in agreement while Starfire spoke. "Yes, Raven, you are being more immature than a yearling velsnick!"

It seemed as if everyone had decided to gang up on her. The unfairness of it all was more than she could take. Steeling herself, Raven turned and fled through the doors of the commons, heading in the direction of the elevators. Before the doors closed, she heard Terra's words chasing her down the hallway, as she'd finally found the courage to speak up. "Just let the adolescent little witch wallow in her own self-pity. She's only hurting herself."

As she rode up to the roof, Raven couldn't help but remember that Beast Boy had said nothing. He had never taken a side.

* * *

_I hate this chapter so much. It's terrible, how they're treating her, and I hate having to put the rest of the team on Terra's side. Ugh, if there's any chapter that was my least favorite to write so far, it's this one. Gah… I had Sara and Kisa read it because it needed some editing, and apparently it was a sad chapter. Hope I didn't make anybody cry to hard!_

* * *

_**Mailbag:**_ Oh… and Sara and Kisa are helping me with this, so let's go! No, we are not singing the Blue's Clues Mail time song… Ugh, when will they learn? So anything that's not in parenthesis is a note from me.

To YourMoosyFate: Ah, so you think it's Terra, do you? Well, aren't you in for a surprise! Ha. I bet you can't guess who it is! Then again, you'll find out in Chapter 11… (Kisa: it was me the whole time, mwahahaha!)

To FelynxTiger: You _should_ feel bad for Raven, what with all that I have in mind for this story… You'll see. (Sara: I still want to beat Robin to the brink of death.)

To Quill N. Inque: Uh… Yeah, I have nothing to say to you except for thanks for the reviews! :D (Kisa: Have I read your stories before?)

To Linzerj: Isn't it great when they fight Adonis? He make Beast Boy so protective of Raven, I just love it! XD (Sara: When did this happen? O.o) Uh, Sara, have you never watched The Beast Within? It's one of the best episodes, seriously? (Sara: No… We're watching it now!)

To Blanc Corbeau: What happened to "I'm going to send you some ideas in a private message?" Haha, I was kinda confused by that… I never got that message. And I had to split the chapters for those two, because they would have made a reallllly long chapter, and it's better to split them in my opinion. You know, to keep readers on edge? Heh. (Kisa: You are like my new best friend.)

To The Cretan: Well, Robin's kind of supposed to be out of character. They all kind of are. All shall be revealed! ;) (Sara: I still want to beat him up.)

To Crazynerd: You will be glad to know that she does not have any type of cancer! But you'll have to wait and see. So evil, lol. (Both: Yeah, evil cuz you told us the ending.) I apologize, I had to tell somebody! Otherwise I thought I'd explode. (Kisa: That would have been funny to watch!) Shut up…

To wtncgirl09: I hate Terra as well. Do you have any idea how much I despised writing this chapter? She shall pay for all she has done… *evil grin* (Sara: and you should have seen RascalKat when I showed her a video of anime couples and there was one with Terra and BB) They do not belong together! TERRA IS A JERK!

To NyokoKuro: Awe… Too bad it's not a full pudding cup. That would be delicious! (Kisa: I'd steal it from you.)

To XForeverXXBrokenX: See Chapter 7 for the answer to that question.

To crazyred717: Obviously I also love cliffy stuff! :D (Sara: No duh, Rascal…)

To Ravyn: Of course I'm gonna write more, I wouldn't just leave you guys hanging here! That would be bad, and then I'd get hate mail… (Kisa: Oh yeah, what about your X-Men stories?) Shut up Kisa, I never started posting those, and I'm never going to finish them. (Kisa: Nooo!)

To helikesitheymikey: Oh, he certainly shall, I can promise you that. I wouldn't dare dream of leaving the Beast out of this! (Sara: You're gonna freak at the ending.) So are you, Sara.

To CartoonLover95: Hopefully I can continue to update frequently! Thanks for the review!

* * *

*to Sara and Kisa* Mmmkay, MailBag's over, you guys can go home. (Both: Why would we do that? We wanted to stay for dinner!) If I let you stay, you'd eat all of it, and there'd be none for me. (Both: You can't make us!) You are on my property, I can kick you off if I want to… (Sara: But we're part of your family! Kisa: We are? Oh yeah, we are!) Then I'll disown you… (Both: WHAT?) Don't you guys have a Christmas Tree to put up or something? (*Sara and Kisa leave*) Seeya suckahs… :D Hope to update soon everybody! Bye!


	11. Chapter 11

_For the record, I feel REALLY bad about not updating in two weeks! I have a few excuses, but as they seem… immature, you can skip them if you like ;) Anyway, 1) I had no idea how to write this chapter… So… Writer's Block. 2) It's the last few weeks of the semester, which means finals. 3) For some reason, I've been really tired lately… Not sure if it has to do with the weather, or if it's just a teenage thing, but… yeah. 4) I just got a youtube account, and I've been having fun making speedpaints of cats! If you want to check out my Channel, my username's RascaIKat. Someone stole my username, so I had to use a capitol 'I' instead of an 'L' 5) Pure laziness. Uh… Onward to the chapter, cuz I can't remember anything that I wanted to write here… Oh, and it switches POV's a lot… Sorry about that, I couldn't think of any other way to write it. Also, sorry that it's so short!_

* * *

Lightning flickered across the eastern sky, and thunder reverberated off of the skyscrapers of downtown Jump City.

On a street far below the troubled clouds, Raven stared down at her feet as she walked down a sidewalk that had definitely seen better days. She drew her cloak tighter around her shoulders, warding off the early October cold. The only place to go was back to the tower, but she knew she wasn't going back. Not after all she'd said, and certainly not after all that _they_ had said.

Raven gritted her teeth in frustration. Even after walking all this way, she still hadn't calmed down over how they had taken _her _side. _I didn't even do anything… It was Terra who had to go and say something like that. How inconsiderate can one person be? And they didn't even care. All they were worried about was whether I would lose my temper and thresh her like some sort of demon. _

For a second, all she could do was stare at the pavement below her, unmoving. _Because I _am_ a demon… Half demon anyway._ _And they had every right to expect me to want to rip her apart. I was about to. I was _happy_ that Terra was scared. If Robin hadn't shouted at me, I'd probably have torn her to pieces. So they were right to take her side in that issue, but that doesn't mean she was right to say what she did. _

With one aspect of the situation behind her, she felt calm enough to try to think through the rest of the problem. It was for exactly this reason that she tried not to complain about things that she thought were unfair. They usually ended like_ this_. _See? This is why you have to make sure that no one knows when they're hurting you. It doesn't matter; you can take more pain than they can. Things don't get quite so ugly if you just pretend to be okay. _

Even with all that she'd just reprimanded herself over, Raven still felt as if there was something left that needed to be taken responsibility for. A few seconds later, she knew why. _He said I was acting immature… And they all agreed with him. Were they being honest, or were they all just confused by my outburst? It makes sense that they thought I was just being immature, after what Terra said… And after I yelled at them about not caring about me. I guess connecting the two might actually lead them to believe that I _am_ just a drama queen._ _Great, why did you have to say that? _She asked herself._ Yet another example where speaking your mind ends in disaster. Why can't you ever learn? _

* * *

In eagle form, Beast Boy landed gracefully at the top of a lighthouse, looking wistfully out at the bay before him.

Robin's words echoed through his thoughts as he replayed watching Raven leave the tower over and over again.

Apparently the look on his face had accurately portrayed the fact that he wanted to run after her; ask her what was wrong. "Beast Boy, I swear, if you even talk to her, you'll be in the same situation she's in right now, and don't think that we won't know if you do." He'd said.

All this time, Beast Boy had been trying to think up rational reasons for why Robin would forbid him to even _speak_ to the girl. _Does Raven really deserve to be shunned for something as simple as blowing up at Terra?_ Of course Raven had stepped out of line by losing her temper, but Terra had been the one to insult her in the first place. _Of all the things Terra could have said, she just had to say _that_. _

In his mind, Beast Boy could hear someone ask him something. _So, whose side do you choose to be on?_

Beast Boy hunched his shoulders, tapping his talons on the metal roof of the lighthouse._ I… I don't know_, he answered. _Terra's insult _could_ have made sense, but this is Raven we're talking about. She wouldn't get mad like that over nothing. But that part about her acting immature…_Somehow that was the hardest to justify. Beast Boy had the strangest feeling that any other time, he would have chosen Raven's side, but this time was different for some reason. _She _has_ been acting kind of touchy lately. And the fact that she still hasn't forgiven me for clawing her on accident, even though I could have sworn that she said she forgave me. I just don't get it, it's all so confusing! And it's true, she _could_ have died falling off of the parking garage, but she didn't. Why didn't she just drop the subject then?_

Beast Boy let out a gusty sigh, morphing back to his human form. His thoughts were just going in circles, and he was getting nowhere.

He had to find out why Raven had been crying, but how would he if he couldn't even talk to her? _Unless I choose to go and find her even though Robin said not to, I'm never going to figure this out. _

_

* * *

_

After all of my training in Azarath, I still can't learn to ignore my emotions. I can't get it through my thick skull that it doesn't matter what I feel, so long as everything else is fine.

Raven took a deep breath as she remembered Azar's words. "Failure to learn from past mistakes is a sign of immaturity."

She clenched her fists, coming to a dead stop on the sidewalk. _So they were right. I _am_ just an immature little drama queen. And I guess that means the only thing left to do is apologize. The only way to show I'm not as immature as they think is to take responsibility for my actions. _With that thought, she turned on her heel to head back to the tower. She would have kept on walking, too, if a cloaked figure hadn't stepped out of the alley she had just passed.

Every instinct inside of her screamed for her to run, but fear held her feet to the pavement. Her eyes continued to widen as the figure lifted a gloved hand up to its hood.

**(A/N It would be pretty easy to end this chapter here, but (contrary to popular belief) I am not entirely evil ;D but I am going to switch povs…)**

* * *

In a single moment, Beast Boy went from being utterly confused to filled with a sinking feeling so strong, he almost felt as if he'd just been dropped two stories without warning. Dread rose up within him instantly, washing away every other thought. That feeling was consumed by yet another feeling in a matter of milliseconds; the essence of sheer terror.

Heart pumping madly in a sudden rush of panic driven energy, two words flickered across his thoughts. _Something's wrong._

He didn't know where, and he didn't know why, but somehow he knew. He morphed back into an eagle, swooping from the lighthouse in a flight pattern so frantic that any passerby would have thought he was being chased by Hell Hounds.

Trees led into buildings, which quickly changed to skyscrapers as Beast Boy realized that he had no idea where he was going. It was pure instinct that had led him here in the first place, but now he had no clue as to where to go next.

He landed on a three-story grey brick building in a less sophisticated part of town. With eyes enhanced by the raptor vision of an eagle, he scanned the skyline, looking for anything out of the ordinary.

The generally faint stirrings of the people in the building next to him were only white noise, and he focused on the street below. A few blocks away, he could hear two heartbeats, one spiking in accordance with their apparent fear, and another, a far slower one, so slow in fact that Beast Boy knew it couldn't be human.

Beast Boy took off once again, landing on a shorter building closer to the source of the sounds. His bird's eye view couldn't keep him from recognizing one of the figures standing near an alley on the street below._ Raven._

* * *

Words escaped her, scurrying away like anxious field mice from a circling hawk as she stared at the being before her.

As feeling slipped into her hands once again, she realized that she was clenching her fists so tightly in panic that she was drawing blood. Raven released her death grip; although her hands went on to quake softly as adrenaline coursed through them.

The figure's hood fell from its face, and luminous yellow eyes glared at her in the twilight. Fangs like a snakes stuck out on either side of its mouth. Sharp claws grew in the place of fingernails, and as it tore off the cloak the rest of the way, Raven realized that it was wearing nothing else. Jet black reptilian scales rippled over its body, but if its legs hadn't resembled the stretched out limbs of a crocodile, its stance and body shape would have made anyone believe it was half human.

She swallowed hard, forcing her terror into a shadowed corner of her mind. She would not let this… _thing_ know that she was afraid.

The creature smiled wickedly, eyes tapering to slits. "Dear Raven, don't you recognize me?" it asked in male voice sugar coated with fake sincerity.

Raven narrowed her eyes in confusion, looking the creature up and down. Now that he mentioned it, he did look and sound familiar. She searched her memories, trying to place the dragon-like face before her.

Her jaw dropped as she matched this creature to a name, and it was only by pure will power that she found her voice long enough to utter it.

"Malchior?"

* * *

_OOOOOOOK, that's all for now. I would have written more, but I thought you guys had waited long enough… And this was a good stopping point! :D Hope you liked it! Once again, I'm really sorry it took so long to update, but it's almost Winter Break, so I'll be able to update faster XD. My goal is to have reached the fourteenth chapter by Christmas, or New Years at the latest. And I have a question to ask…I'm kinda curious, and you can answer this question if you choose to, if you decide to review though. How old do you think I am based on my writing style? Can't wait to get your feedback on that question, as well as on this chapter! See you next time!_


	12. Chapter 12

_Okay, the twelfth chapter. I must say, I had quite a rollercoaster ride trying to write it, but I think it's pretty good. This story is winding down, in case you hadn't figured that out yet ;) I'm thinking there will probably be only two or three more chapters. This one's the longest yet! WOOT! Almost four thousand words! But this was an excellent chapter to write on Christmas (sort of), although a bit depressing. I didn't exactly reach my goal of posting this chapter before Christmas, did I?_

_In reply to most of your guy's guesses of my age, I'm still confused as to where NyokoKuro found it. Anyway, my maturity level (this is going to sound conceited *facepalm*) is that of probably an 18-year-old. My innocence level however, is similar to someone that's ten. So… you're all kind of right in a way, I guess._

_Linzerj: Unfortunately, you'd be right. This isn't going to end well…_

_Muroun: It's nice to get more than one sentence from a new reader :D. Glad you've joined the ride, although it might end up being a bit bumpy ;)_

_Okay, on with the story, but I have one thing to say, a sort of metaphor if you will although it's probably not going to make any sense: When you shoot a rock at the sky with a slingshot, you have to pull the rock down as far as possible to get it to go the highest. (Just think about it.)_

_By the way, the reason I didn't post this on Christmas, when I actually finished it, is because it's kind of sad. I didn't want to ruin anyone's day._

_Uh, one more thing. Whatever happens at the end of this chapter, I implore you to keep reading. Enjoy! Sort of…_

* * *

Raven gaped at him.

"Ah… See, you do remember me! After all this time, you still haven't forgotten…" his voice went from pleased to cruel. "How you trusted me. How I broke your heart."

Raven clenched her jaw, refusing to let him see how much his betrayal had shaken her.

"That's funny; I distinctly remember that it was_ I _who defeated _you_. I cursed you to that book forever, yet here you stand." She stated as she crossed her arms, hoping she sounded more confident than she felt.

"Mm. Yes, that is true, but you are not the only one in the universe powerful enough to break a curse. Unfortunately, the dimwit who freed me turned me into _this_ in the process." He said, gesturing to his unnatural form.

Raven smirked at such an obvious failure, although by now she was only acting.

"Smile all you like, miss, but even without my true self, I can still break you." Raven could feel her heartbeat spike at his words. He could have any number of tricks up his sleeves. She only hoped she was capable of fighting him alone. Like a fool, she had left her communicator at the tower. No one was coming to save her this time.

Malchior smiled sadistically, opening one of his lizard-like claws to reveal a bright red stone, glimmering softly like a hot coal.

Raven's eyes widened uncontrollably. It was a Dolon stone. Under normal circumstances, it would have simply been a ruby, but this stone had been enchanted, given special abilities that unfortunately included the ability to cause pain in others. Depending on the power of the enchantment, it could cause its victim enough pain to induce a coma. She could only hope that whoever had enchanted this one hadn't had enough power to cause that much damage.

"I'm surprised you are so afraid of it, Raven. After all, you _have _experienced its effects already."

She couldn't help but be confused. "I have?"

"Of course. You didn't think all that pain, what I believe you referred to as "attacks", was natural, did you?" he said, teeth gleaming like sharpened blades. Raven let out a sigh, partly in relief that the pain hadn't been a sign of something more serious, partly hopelessness, as she remembered that she'd lost consciousness multiple times under the stone's effects. The enchantment was fairly strong, and she couldn't even know _how_ strong. There was no way of telling whether Malchior had already used it to its full potential or not.

She took an involuntary step back, bumping into the brick wall behind her. "Why are you doing this?" she demanded. Her heart sank as she came to a startling realization that she was in far over her head.

"Why should I take the time to answer when you will find out soon enough?" he asked, holding up the stone.

Raven's eyes widened with shock as the burning hold of the stone wrapped around her, forcing fire through every nerve. She pulled in a sharp breath of air, wishing the pain would stop with everything she had. This was like the time when Slade had planted probes in each of the Titans' blood to get Robin to do what he wanted, only ten times worse.

She gritted her teeth, wrapping her arms around herself and clenching her fists as tight as they would go as she sank to her knees. Through eyes brimming with unwelcome tears, she looked up at Malchior once again with her teeth bared, determined not to look like a puppy that had just been kicked.

Malchior smiled pleasantly down at her, lifting one claw to the brick wall beside them. On it, he drew a circle, about four feet in diameter. He pressed his palm flat against the brick. "Hesha carell tez." The brick disappeared, leaving behind a glowing dark blue portal.

Malchior delivered a sharp kick to her side, gesturing toward the portal. "Go on." Raven glared at him in defiance, but complied when he held up the stone, threatening to make the pain worse.

The portal opened up into what resembled a massive rectangle, made of glass, behind which was nothing but fire.

"I'm sure you remember that dream you had a few weeks ago? The one about your father?" Malchior asked as he stepped in behind her. He loosened his grip on the stone, allowing her to answer.

"What are you talking about?" Raven asked between gasps. The less Malchior knew, the better.

She tried to force herself to her feet, but collapsed once again when the very floor beneath her started to shift.

"Don't play dumb, Raven. Over the time I've been out of that cursed book, I've come to know your father quite well."

"How do you know about Trigon?" she asked, unable to overcome her confusion.

"Why wouldn't I? After all, it _was_ one of his… associates that helped me to escape the prison you put me in. It's amazing that I never found out that you were his daughter. You had so much potential."

"What have you offered him in return for releasing you?" she asked. Her father would only do a thing like that if there were something in it for him.

Malchior only smiled as he continued to look down on her. He raised the stone once again, clenching it so hard that Raven felt as if she'd been electrocuted. "You."

* * *

Beast Boy stood frozen to the building as he listened to the conversation being carried out on the street below. His mouth fell open as Raven said the name.

_So it's Malchior. I should have known._

The rest happened too fast to keep track of, and he craned his neck to see as Malchior jostled her into the portal.

Beast Boy pushed off of the building as hard as he could, swooping downward to follow them. It was more of an afterthought when he remembered Robin's warning, and he shrugged it off. Raven was in trouble. He had more important things to do than worry about getting kicked off the team.

The portal closed directly behind him.

His eyes opened to the same flaming scene, only this time, Malchior was standing before him, with Raven collapsed behind. Beast Boy morphed into a tiger, swiping at Malchior, but his claws did nothing to pierce his armor-like skin.

Malchior used this moment of confusion to plant his hand on Beast Boy's head before cartwheeling over him. In one swift motion, he landed, turned to the side, and swept Beast Boy's legs from underneath him. Beast Boy landed with a grunt, while Malchior dusted his hands.

"Still using brute force, I see. You have yet to learn any true strategy."

Beast Boy narrowed his eyes, changing into a kangaroo and kicking off the ground before reverting back to his human form. "Strategize this." He snarled. No sooner said had he morphed once again into a gorilla than he brought both fists down together on Malchior's head.

Malchior rebounded quickly, shaking the stars from his eyes. He raked his clawed hands along Beast Boy's nose, and scarlet droplets trickled to the glass floor below. Beast Boy stumbled backwards, roaring as he blinked the spray of blood from his eyes.

Malchior smirked, gripping the stone tighter. By now, Raven was too exhausted to scream. All she could do was gasp, taking the air in raggedly.

Beast Boy opened one eye, watching her as she cringed, knowing there was little he could to do to fix it. He shook his head, forcing the other eye open. _This is Raven you're fighting for, remember?_ He straightened up, morphing into a lion and launching himself at Malchior once again.

"Not this time." Malchior said, holding up one hand. Beast Boy landed, skidding to a stop involuntarily. Looking down at his paws in confusion, he tried to take another step toward Malchior, but his paw froze in midair. A look of horror crossed his face, mixed with sudden desperation.

"That's right. I control you." Malchior sneered.

Beast Boy transformed into a bear, but Malchior's control did not waver. He proceeded to transform into a flurry of other animals, but none of them were strong-willed enough to break Malchior's hold. Beast Boy fell to the ground, too exhausted from changing so many times to stand up. He pushed himself back up to a sitting position with his palms braced against the glass, taking a deep breath. _Now what?_

Malchior walked around the glass room, placing three clawed fingers on each wall as he began the spell.

"Why are you doing this?" Beast Boy asked.

"Ah, that's right. You weren't present when I told _her_." He said, jerking his reptilian head toward Raven, whose consciousness was fading. "You see, Trigon offered to release me from that retched book. I, in return, am simply bringing him the key to _his_ prison." He said.

Beast Boy gritted his teeth. _Trigon? I thought Raven destroyed him._

"But you're probably still wondering how I did it." Malchior said, and Beast Boy sighed as he readied himself for yet another villain monologue.

"Not interested? Are you sure?" He said, conjuring up an image of the rest of the team in a plume of fog. "You don't want to know how I've been controlling your teammates?"

"What do you mean?" Beast Boy asked.

"Well, I had to find a way to catch Raven alone. I couldn't control her, as her will is too strong, but I could control the rest of you. Except for Terra of course."

"What did you do to her?"

"I didn't have to do anything. Some puppets don't need strings, Beast Boy. Other than her, I've been controlling your entire team. That includes you."

Beast Boy thought back to the day when they had fought Adonis, how he had been planning to catch Raven, but had caught Terra instead. Come to think of it, any time he had even thought about trying to do something to help Raven, he'd usually ended up forgetting. As he realized how true Malchior's words were, there was nothing he could do but stare at the glass below him. _It's all your fault. You let Malchior control you, you didn't stand up for Raven, and now she pays the price for it. And Trigon will take over the universe again. The entire universe is doomed because of you. _

Finally getting the nerve to look up, the first thing he saw was Raven, unconscious, her face twisted in pain. Once again, he cast his eyes downward.

Beast Boy clenched his fists, desperate to prove himself wrong, but the proof was before his eyes. He gritted his teeth, refusing to let himself be a puppet in this. _Come on, think. Isn't there any form you can take whose will is stronger than your own?_

Malchior had already finished the spell, and Beast Boy could see Trigon, although only slightly bigger than a normal human, on the outside of the glass room, banging on the walls. At least the glass held some semblance of a chance.

"As soon as he has broken that wall, then the opposite one, the entire world will cease to exist." Malchior said, a smirk on his face.

"You won't win this battle." Beast Boy said, although he was saying it to assure himself of the fact.

"Are you sure?" Malchior replied. "Tell me, do you remember that time a few weeks ago when the restaurant messed up your drink order?"

"How do you know about that?"

"Why wouldn't I? It was I who poured the potion into your drink, after all. The potion was meant to make you live out your worst nightmare in a dream, but I never knew you would dream of killing _her_." Malchior chuckled, and finally Beast Boy was able to understand why he had felt so guilty about accidentally clawing Raven. He had to admit that Malchior was right when he had stated what Beast Boy's biggest fear was. He had come close to fulfilling it back in Cyborg's training room. Now he saw that Malchior had probably been the instigator of _that_ episode as well.

"You love her, more than you can even understand. What a sad thought that she'll be dead before the day is done. Too bad the rest of the world will be gone as well. Oh, my, I just thought of something. Certainly your guilt would be even greater if _you_ had killed her _yourself!"_

Beast Boy's jaw dropped in horror as he felt Malchior tug at the intangible leash around his neck, causing him to morph unwillingly into a saber tooth tiger. _Oh God, no. Please, please. Don't make me kill her. _He begged, casting a miserable, pleading look at Malchior. Either he didn't catch it, or he simply didn't care, for he forced Beast Boy to his feet with a flick of his wrist.

Beast Boy pulled back with all his might, but he continued to walk toward Raven, who was still lying unconscious on the floor.

"Wait just a moment." Malchior said, forcing Beast Boy to a sudden stop, one paw still in the air. "I want her to be awake for this."

Malchior walked over to her, cupped his hands together, and blew into them. Water ran from his fingertips, splashing onto Raven's face. Her eyes fluttered slightly.

_Think, Beast Boy, think. There are innocent lives at stake. Whose will is stronger than my own?_

"Alright, she's ready." Malchior said, lifting a hand and motioning for Beast Boy to come forward. Beast Boy did as he was told, but he continued to struggle against every step, feeling guilt begin to churn in his stomach.

Finally, there were no more steps to take, and Malchior balled his hand into a fist. "Gently now, I want to make sure she's still alive when Trigon gets here. And I want her death to be as slow and painful as possible." He said, grinning with this sick source of anticipation.

Beast Boy lowered his head to Raven's body and clenched his jaw with what little strength he had left, but Malchior was simply too strong. His mouth opened slowly, stiffly, revealing two huge fangs.

_Dear God, if you can hear me, please end this. I can't do it. I can't stop him. Please, please, I don't want to kill her! _He cried. He had never wanted anything so bad in his life, even as Raven's end seemed to be drawing closer and closer, even as all hope seemed to run out.

The two long fangs that had given the saber tooth its name froze centimeters from piercing Raven's skin.

Just like that, he knew. _The Beast. The Beast loves Raven, I know it does. But will it be strong enough to stand up against Malchior? I hope so. _With that, Beast Boy shattered the barrier separating his mind from the Beast. Pain filtered through him, as if slivers of glass were being pumped through his veins, tearing him apart. He shut his eyes as tight as they would go, gripping the glass beneath him with his claws and doing his best to rake lines down it.

One second passed, then two. Beast Boy opened his eyes again, realizing that somehow, although he was in Beast form, he was still conscious. The Beast had to be letting him keep his human half conscious.

Letting out a primal shriek, he leapt, grabbing Malchior's head with both hands and twisting it sharply to the right. The creature that was Malchior fell to the ground, dead, his face warped into a look of both horror and confusion. Finally, his control had vanished.

"I did it." he whispered to himself, but there was no glory. There was no sense of honor, no valor. There was no victory.

Beast Boy loomed over Malchior's dead body, knowing that he'd had no choice, knowing that he had made Malchior's death as quick as possible, but somehow feeling guilty all the same. The sound of movement behind him brought him back to reality, and he turned to see Raven trying to sit up.

"What's going on?"

Beast Boy morphed back into his human form, shoving away his remorse. "Trigon's trying to break through the glass. If he gets through, and breaks through the other side, we're doomed."

Raven nodded, pulling herself shakily to her feet. "What's the plan?"

"There isn't one."

With a final blow from his huge red fist, Trigon shattered the glass wall.

* * *

Raven looked up at her father as he towered above her, feeling an involuntary shiver rush down her spine.

Beast Boy grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. "Come on, let's do this. Together."

Raven nodded, and the two soared as one, planting four feet in a perfect kick to Trigon's chest, dead center. He stumbled backward, dumbfounded, then shook his head, all four eyes glowing crimson with anger.

Together, they ran at him again, but together, they thudded against the glass walls, feeling every bone inside them creak with the impact. Raven slid to the floor, and Beast Boy ran at Trigon once again, meeting the same end as last time.

Raven watched as he slid to the ground as well, pulled himself up once again, but leaned against the wall for support. After opening a telepathic link to his mind, she projected her thoughts into his brain. "This is getting us nowhere. I have a plan."

A long time ago, back when she was being trained in Azarath, she had been told of her greatest power. Azar's calm, soothing voice floated back to her. "Remember, pain and love are the two strongest emotions. Never use them unless your situation is dire enough to require them."

Raven gritted her teeth, thinking a few more words at Beast Boy. "I'm going to hit him with everything I've got. If it's not enough, you have to finish him off. Stand back."

She took a deep breath, thinking about how much her teammates had hurt her over the past few weeks, how badly she missed Tobey, hearing Beast Boy describe her as "creepy", all the guilt she had suffered through knowing that the death of the entire universe could have been her fault. There was the pain. Taking another breath, she thought about how she had come to think of the Titans as family. They were her best friends, but there was one person who stood out from the rest. He had been the only one to follow her, the only one who truly cared. She remembered the day in the alley vividly, and how she had realized how much she loved him. Of everything, it would be her love for him that she would really use to destroy Trigon. Even with her extensive vocabulary, there were no words to describe how much she loved him. Her only regret was that she would never get to tell him.

_It's all or nothing, _she reminded herself. _Now or never._

With that thought behind her, she summoned every drop of energy from every fiber of her being. Pain like she had never known before swamped through her, following all the power she was pouring out in a blast of white hot energy at Trigon, and she realized that she was in fact pouring herself entirely into this single moment. She fell.

Tears flowed down her face in a surging torrent as a feeling of emptiness settled over her; void, meaningless darkness that she had fought so long to evade, and she formed her last thought with the little strength that remained. _Beast Boy. _

* * *

Beast Boy watched, horrified, as glistening tears slid down her face. He looked back at Trigon, who began to shrink under Raven's steady stream of power, but the light bursting from it forced him to close his eyes.

When he opened them again, he saw her collapsed on the ground. She braced her hands against it, desperately trying to stand, but slumped back down as her strength failed. The sight tugged at his heart, urged him to rush to her side, but Trigon had not yet been defeated. By now, he was the size of a regular human, obviously far less powerful.

Trigon pushed himself to his feet. _If looks could kill, _Beast Boy thought,_ I'd be dead right now. _Trigon let out a furious roar, charging at him like a bull.

Beast Boy transformed into a rhino to meet him head on, and it was a deadlock for a few moments, until Trigon turned, tossing Beast Boy over his shoulder like an old soda can.

Beast Boy twisted in midair, landing on his feet. He morphed into a gorilla, running at him as fast as he could. The two met, and their fingers interlocked in the most significant games of mercy ever played. Trigon bent Beast Boy's wrists back, forcing him onto one knee as he tried to minimize the pain.

Beast Boy changed once again into a T-Rex and Trigon took a step back, faltering under the dinosaur's shadow. Beast Boy turned quickly, whipping Trigon into the nearest glass wall with his tail.

A crack formed as Trigon smacked into it, and Beast Boy stared in horror as he realized that he had just aided Trigon's escape. Trigon smiled, recovering in time to begin a flurry of assaults at the crack his body had created.

Beast Boy crept up behind him slowly, morphing into a gorilla once again, and raising both fists together above his head, ready to pound Trigon to a bloody pulp. Just as he was bringing his fists down, Trigon disintegrated in a flash of black dust, like some sort of magic trick.

Beast Boy whirled, expecting to find Trigon directly behind him, but there was nothing. Trigon's presence had simply evaporated, even to any animal's well trained senses. The battle was over. He had won?

He closed his eyes, scanning the room with the hearing of a bat. Nothing. Trigon had vanished.

Beast Boy took a deep breath as the adrenaline from the fight caught up to him, opening his eyes once again when he remembered something. _Raven  
_Ice water trickled down his spine in his shock, and he turned around to see her still on the ground, unmoving.

"Raven?" he asked, feeling his heartbeat grow erratic as the worst case scenario popped into his head.

His call received no reply.

Beast Boy ran to her, falling to the ground and pulling her closer as he wiped the tears from her closed eyes.

"Raven, come on, wake up! Quit fooling around, it's time to go home. Raven, wake up!" he said, shaking her softly.

Malchior had been right. He did love Raven, but only now did he truly realize how much. The feeling wasn't new either. He had always loved her, but feeling obligated to love Terra had made him blind.

"Come on, Raven, you can't be gone, not after all we've been through. We destroyed both Malchior _and_ Trigon together! I can't lose you now, not after all that." he cried, as burning tears welled up in his eyes. "I DIDN'T SAVE YOU FOR NOTHING!" he shouted, shaking her harder. There was no response.

"PLEASE!" he begged, as the glass box around them faded, revealing their true surroundings to be exactly where they had started; a half-abandoned street in downtown.

Rain poured down on the sidewalk as the heavy clouds above them released their burden on the city. Lightning exploded like somber fireworks, and thunder followed.

"Wake up," he whispered as his tears mingled with the rain. "Please, wake up."

Beast Boy pulled her as close to him as he could, close enough to listen for her heartbeat. A tiny spark of hope flickered in his heart.

What he heard was far more shocking than any lightning strike in existence, far louder than any thunderclap ever to break the sound barrier; silence.


	13. Chapter 13

_Hello everybody! I'm terribly sorry for taking so long on updating. If you read the update on my profile, you'll know that my computer crashed. I was lucky to be able to save the chapter I'd already started! Anyway, I swear I've been thinking about Teen Titans too much lately. I almost called my cat Beast Boy (his name is B.J., so it's not that big a messup) and when I was going to put on my coat, I almost called it a cloak… Wow… K, so I finally finished this chapter. It's not the greatest, in my opinion. For those of you wondering, YES, Raven is dead. I know this chapter is going to seem all TerraXBB, but trust me, it's not. Also, I'm thinking there will be SIXTEEN chapters in all. Not fifteen. Now, I know you guys are all very eager to read the chapter, so I'll leave you to it. Enjoy! :D_

* * *

_I'm too late. I'm… too late._

Numbness swept over him, and at first, he could feel nothing, save the cold shock of rain on his back.

Another thunderclap exploded above him, tearing him from his stupor.

Beast Boy bowed his head, eyes closed. Even if he _could_ have said something, there was nothing to say. He looked up again, gathering Raven close to him and blinking away the tears.

"I love you, Raven. I always have. I just didn't know it. And now it's too late."

_I can't save her. She's gone. So the only thing left to do is go home, _he thought grimly.

Beast Boy stood and began plodding down the street, Raven's body in his arms. His cheerful façade had been crushed, leaving him only the capacity to keep on walking. After all, what else could he do when she had just given her life for his?

* * *

Robin stared out the main window of Titan's Tower as rain coursed down the glass.

At first, he'd thought he had done the right thing in taking Terra's side. As time wore on, however, he had realized what a horrible mistake he'd made. _What if Raven really __was__ having some kind of emotional breakdown or something? _

"Cy?" he asked, turning from the window. "What did I just do?"

Cyborg dried his hands, having just finished washing the dishes. "I was beginnin' to wonder the same thing."

Robin sighed. "I don't know what I was thinking. Sure, Raven was mad and everything, but after she got back under control, I should have stopped yelling at her, and I didn't."

"I know." Cyborg replied.

"And I told her that everything she was complaining about was her own fault. Why did I say that? _None _of that stuff was her fault, and she was only trying to show us how we've been treating her like crap lately. And she was right. I_ have _treated her terribly over the last couple of weeks."

"Uh huh." Cyborg said, his voice quiet with remorse.

"And I called her immature. How could I have said that?" he stopped talking, but his thoughts continued. _Immature. That's a lie, she's not immature. Far from it. She's probably the most mature of all of us. _

"We _all _called her immature, Robin." Starfire said, having just entered the commons.

"Except for Beast Boy of course." Cyborg added.

"Speaking of Beast Boy, where is he?" Robin walked over to Cyborg, running his hands through his hair for the thousandth time.

"Are you still going to kick him off the team if he's talked to Raven?" Cyborg asked. It was a valid question, after all.

"Actually, I'm beginning to hope he disobeyed me." Robin replied. "Can you locate either of them?"

"Of course." Cyborg tapped a few buttons on his arm, narrowing his eyes at the results. "Wait a second; it says they both just entered the Tower."

"Where are they?" Robin asked, desperate to go and apologize to the both of them, but relieved that Beast Boy had broken the rules at the same time.

"They're downstairs somewhere. It looks like they're… heading for the med-bay!"

"Oh no." Robin muttered, making a bee-line for the elevator. Starfire and Cyborg followed, just as eager to try to fix the mistakes they had made.

When they arrived, Starfire couldn't help but gasp. There was Raven in one of the beds. Her eyes were closed, and she lay there unmoving, battered and bruised.

Cyborg rushed to her side, but froze when a familiar voice spoke. "Don't even try, Cyborg. It's too late. She's already gone."

Beast Boy was sitting in a chair close to Raven's bed, yet somehow they hadn't noticed him when they'd entered.

"What… What do you mean she's already gone?" Robin asked, his voice wavering.

"I mean she's gone, Robin. Dead. She isn't coming back." He said, his voice hollow and his eyes dull.

Cyborg hesitantly lifted a hand to Raven's wrist to check for a pulse before pulling away. He nodded sullenly. "Beast Boy's right."

Starfire was already sobbing.

"She's… No, she can't be. No, no, I didn't even get to..." Robin whispered, feeling like the entire world had just stopped. "It's all my fault."

"No, Robin. It's not. It's my fault. Malchior was controlling all of us. All he needed was to catch Raven alone, so that he could use her to release Trigon again. Malchior manipulated the entire team. You couldn't have stopped him; you didn't know. But I knew. I knew something was wrong. I watched as the rest of you turned your backs on her. I did nothing to stop it. This isn't any fault of yours, Robin. It's mine." Beast Boy said, burying his head in his hands.

Robin opened his mouth to protest, but said nothing. Beast Boy really believed it _was __his_fault. Nothing he said would change that.

Footsteps echoed in the hallway, and Terra sauntered in, the door sliding shut behind her.

"Oh. Did she finally get what was coming to her?" she asked, her tone directed at Raven's motionless form, as condescending as ever.

The remark earned her furious glares from every other living being in the room. Starfire could have toasted her then and there had she not been crying too hard.

"She's dead." Robin snarled, straightening up.

Terra's own eyes widened, although they held no shame.

Beast Boy stood, anger boiling within him. "She sacrificed herself to save the entire world, including your sorry hide!" he bellowed, eyes smoldering.

Robin stepped up to her, one hand outstretched. "You don't deserve to be a Titan any more. Hand over the communicator." He said with a voice colder than ice.

Terra complied without having to be asked a second time.

"Now," Robin continued. "Get. Out."

Terra took a few steps backward, before turning around and running out of the room, probably thinking the rest of them would attack if she didn't move fast enough.

Beast Boy stepped towards the door. Robin grabbed his shoulder, but Beast Boy turned to him. "She has something that belongs to me." He explained.

Robin nodded, letting go. "Just don't do anything you'll regret."

* * *

She hadn't even reached the end of the island before he caught up with her, rain dripping from his hair.

"Terra, you're not leaving!" Beast Boy called, and she turned to him, probably hoping to be consoled. His voice turned to a furious growl as he continued. "Not yet, anyway."

Terra took a faltering step backward.

"You…" he barked. "You aren't even going to apologize, are you?"

The girl smirked, replying in a voice fit for a snake. "Never."

"What happened to you?" Beast Boy asked, letting his anger disappear. "You were never such a… jerk. Even when you were Slade's apprentice, you were fighting for control. You didn't let him control you, but now that Malchior has you on a leash, you don't even care?" he asked. Saying those words made him realize something. If the rest of the Titans were back under their own will power because Malchior had been destroyed, why was Terra still acting this way?

"I was never who you thought I was." Terra retorted, an insane smile still plastered across her face.

Beast Boy narrowed his eyes. He was through with trying to understand her. He reached one hand out to grab the chain of the necklace that had been her birthday present. "Then this doesn't belong to you. And you don't belong here." He whispered tearing it from her neck. "You _never _belonged here. Now _get off my island_."

Terra turned and walked down the rocky slope toward the shore.

Beast Boy rubbed his face with his hand, trying frantically to force back the tears that threatened to spill over.

When he opened his eyes again, Terra had vanished, leaving Beast Boy wondering if she had ever truly existed in the first place.

_Why? Why does everything always have to end horribly? _Even now he couldn't believe Terra would really do all the things he'd seen her do.

_Malchior told me specifically that some puppets don't need strings. What did he mean by that? _He just stood there in the pouring rain for a few seconds until finally it hit him. _Is it possible that Terra never actually came back to be a Titan? That she was just another one of Malchior's tricks?_

The idea was unorthodox, but it was certainly better than believing that Terra really _had _been such a jerk.

Clutching the necklace, Beast Boy turned and ran back to the Tower, going directly to the main computer in the commons room. In seconds, he had pulled up every traffic cam in the city and was busy scanning a picture of Terra into the face recognition software.

_And people think I'm stupid, _he thought, remembering how easy it had been to hack the computer when he'd figured out what day Raven's birthday was. At her memory, another pang of sorrow set his eyes to burning again, and he shook off the thought. _Focus on finding Terra, _he scolded. It was a long shot, but even on the off chance that he was right, it was worth investigating.

A few mouse clicks and five minutes later, the computer had found a match. Beast Boy dared not hope that it was really her until he clicked on the enlarge button of the picture. There she was. It wasn't the same Terra Beast Boy had thought had returned to be a Titan, but rather the girl he'd thought was Terra after they had come back from finishing off The Brotherhood. She wore the same school uniform, along with a jacket, but she was older than before, and she was entering some sort of museum in downtown.

For the first time since Raven had died, Beast Boy let the beginnings of a sad smile tug at the corners of his mouth. This was his only chance to prove to himself that his entire world hadn't just completely fallen to pieces.

Slipping the necklace into his pocket, he shut down the computer and took the elevator up to the roof.

* * *

_There she is. Wonder what she's doing here so late, _Beast Boy thought as he watched Terra from a distance. She was taking pictures of most of the dinosaur exhibits, probably for some school assignment. He just scrutinized her for a few seconds until she turned around.

Terra blinked a few times, no other emotion evident on her face until she turned and walked away, feet moving as swiftly as possible without actually running.

Beast Boy followed close behind, knowing that she was trying to get away from him.

"Terra!" he called, only making her walk faster. "Terra, wait!"

The girl turned around, and Beast Boy only barely got the chance to stop before running directly into her. "If this is about how you want me to come with you to be a Teen Titan, forget it." She said.

Beast Boy shook his head. "No, it's not that. I just…" Any statement he'd been preparing fled from his mind, and he was left there with nothing to say. "I… I know you really do remember what happened." He blurted out, and Terra just looked on in confusion.

"Drop the act, Terra, I know you remember who you are, but I don't want you to come with me if you don't want to." He said. She narrowed her eyes.

"Okay." She said, finally accepting that holding to her amnesia story would no longer work. "So why are you here?"

Beast Boy could feel his heart skip a beat. It was her, and the other Terra really had just been a trick!

"I…" he started. "I don't know, I just… Can I walk with you?" he asked. Hopefully he'd figure out how to say what he wanted to say.

Terra looked at him for a few seconds, and Beast Boy couldn't read her expression. He hoped with all his might that she would allow him to walk with her. Maybe it could help him sort some things out. She sighed, but nodded. "But that doesn't change my answer about wanting to be a Titan." She added. He nodded.

"So…" he began. "Why are you at a museum at seven o'clock at night?" he asked as she continued to take pictures of the exhibits.

"Extra credit project." Terra answered simply. "I started falling behind on some of my science homework, and my teacher suggested coming here to boost my grade. Tonight was the only night I could get in free, but to be honest, I'd rather be anywhere than here right now."

"Today's your birthday." Beast Boy mumbled absentmindedly. Terra nodded, grinning slightly at the realization that he'd remembered.

"So if you're not here to ask me to be a Titan, what _are_ you here for? Superheroes don't exactly walk up to normal people just to talk to them, you know?"

Beast Boy gave a halfhearted chuckle. "Yeah, I know. I guess I just wanted to tell you… I… I'm sorry."

Terra froze, about to snap a picture of a trilobite. "What exactly are you apologizing for?"

"For…" What _was_ he sorry for? "For not believing in you."

She just looked at him for a few seconds, and Beast Boy continued. "I know you're not coming back, and I also wanted to say that… I know it wasn't easy, choosing to be a citizen even when you wanted to be a hero so badly… But I just wanted to say that even though it was tough, that's probably the most heroic choice you could have made, and… I'm proud of you. For doing what you knew was right, even when it was hard."

Terra stood there, a small smile on her face. "Thank you, Beast Boy." She said, pulling him into a hug.

A few moments passed, and Beast Boy held her at arms length, pulling the necklace from his pocket. He held it up for her to see. "Happy Birthday Terra." He said, putting the necklace into one of her hands and closing her fingers around it. _The_ real_ Terra, _he added to himself.

He smiled at her, but it wasn't enough to cover the sorrow that had never left in the first place. Beast Boy turned, and started to walk away, but Terra followed him. "Beast Boy, stop." She said, reaching one hand toward his shoulder to keep him from leaving. "I know you well enough to notice that you haven't tried to make a single joke since you came here. I also know you well enough to tell that something isn't how it should be. What happened, Beast Boy? What's wrong?"

Beast Boy didn't let her see his face, but he looked down at the floor, turning his head slightly so that she would hear what he said next. "Raven is dead." He muttered, brushing her hand from his shoulder and walking out of the museum.

The rain continued to pour, and Beast Boy kept walking, wondering why he'd even come to talk to her in the first place. _Because, _whispered a voice in his thoughts. _It was now or never. I was the only one who could fix that problem, and I'm not going to be here much longer. _

With that, he took off running, headed for the bridge that stretched across the bay on the other side of town.

* * *

Raven looked up to find herself in the same place she had been when Trigon had shown up in her dreams. The same lesser demons still held her by the elbows, but now she had her cloak on. Her entire uniform was basically shredded, and most of the scars she had ever gotten were visible, including the three on her right side, courtesy of Beast Boy's claws.

She turned her head away from the scars, staring ahead at the cliff on the other side of the precipice. _This is no time to be bitter. You chose to give your life for the world, are you so quick to change your mind?_ She asked herself.

The flames at the bottom of the ravine were mesmerizing, and only Trigon's booming voice could hold her attention for longer. "You have ruined everything!" he hissed, his glowing scarlet eyes opening up in the cliff face. "I was almost free!" he shouted, "And you DESTROYED EVERYTHING!"

Raven felt a trickle of fear lace down her spine. She was at his mercy here, which meant there was no hope.

Trigon's eyes narrowed. "Punish her." He snarled.

The lesser demons on either side of her shoved her into the precipice. Her powers had no effect here, and she plunged into the blazing inferno.

Raven shut her eyes, waiting for the flames to swallow her whole.

* * *

_Alrighty then, that's the end of that chapter. Sorry if the part where Beast Boy was talking to Terra at the museum was annoying to you, I couldn't figure any other way to play that scene out. Personally, I don't like it, but it's better than my other ideas. Hopefully I'll be able to update faster, because I've got a temporary fix for my busted computer (A laptop, whoo!) So… yeah… this chapter REALLY sucked… but the ending hopefully won't, so, uh... cya!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Hello my beloved readers! I'm terribly sorry for having not updated in a month, but school and play rehearsal caught up with me, along with a lack of inspiration. I know I sound like I'm just making excuses, but I truly am sorry! I also lost my cat a week ago and I lost the drive to finish my already started chapter until now, (He wasn't just a cat, he was a human, and we've had him since I was four. He was also the cat that gave me my username). Hope you guys aren't too terribly angry with me, and I also hope that I haven't lost any readers! Anyway, here's the chapter you all have been waiting for. Enjoy!_

_I would also like to make a shout out to Muroun for helping me with Chapter 13. Couldn't have done it without you ;D_

_One more thing, I just want to say that none of this chapter is neccessarily biblical, so don't hold me accountable for mistakes in religious stuff..._

* * *

Raven opened her eyes blearily. As her vision slid into focus, she couldn't help but notice how _dark _it was. It was almost as if the darkness wasn't just darkness, but rather something solid, something tangible, as if it would swallow whatever dared challenge it. It pressed down on her from all sides, practically suffocating her. She tried to gasp for breath as her lack of oxygen tugged at her attention, but it was like trying to breathe in syrup.

Her recollection of how she had gotten here was fuzzy at best, but she could vaguely remember the wild panic of free-fall, along with flames. Bright burning flames that reached up to hungrily pluck her body from the air.

_How am I still alive? _She wondered, and almost as quickly as she had thought the words, the answer hit her._ I'm not alive. I'm dead. I'm in Hell. _

Screams reached her ears; tormented screams that she instinctively knew were not the screams of children._ What in the world could make an adult scream so terribly?_ She asked herself, trying desperately to cover her ears and shutting her eyes once again. Even giving up her sense of hearing momentarily was preferable when compared to even_ listening_ to the sound of such pure horror.

_I must be in a different level of Hell,_ she thought. All at once, she sat up, realizing that there were places here reserved specifically for torment. Just as she suspected, she was not alone.

Towering above her were two creatures unlike anything she had ever seen before on earth. Both of them had to be at least ten feet tall.

One resembled a massive hybrid of human and a porcupine, razor sharp spines bristling down its back, glistening like the brightly cleaned blade of an executioner. Its tail looked like some sort of mace.

The other closely resembled the Minotaur that had tossed her down here before. The only difference was its size, and the way its back was heavily armored, like that of a turtle.

Both creatures were staring directly at her with nothing but hatred in their eyes. They _wanted_ to hurt her. They wouldn't care if she screamed for mercy; they would go on beating her up just for the sake of beating her up.

It was at this time that she noticed her surroundings other than the lesser demons. She was in a prison cell. The walls had to reach up at least fifteen feet, with an impenetrable looking iron gate bolted into one of them. She was trapped. Without her powers, which she could already tell had been stripped from her, there was no way out. She was doomed to be tortured here for the rest of eternity.

When she had died the first time, turning into a portal for her father, she had reverted back to a ten-year-old and been banished to one of the upper layers of Hell because of her age. She had been lucky then. This level of Hell was no place for a child, as they were too innocent. At least Robin had been able to save her back then, but this time she was beyond redemption. No living being could penetrate a level this deep. She couldn't help but wonder why they would want to in the first place.

The Minotaur stepped closer to her, and Raven tried desperately to push herself away with her feet, only to realize that her back was already up against the wall. The creature picked her up by the ruined collar of her cloak, and Raven dangled there, unable to retaliate or even struggle against its grip.

Without warning, it tossed her upwards, and she was helpless to do anything but flail around in midair. She plummeted onto the back of the other demon, screaming in pain as the spines ripped through her flesh.

Just as suddenly as she had landed, she was wrenched off of the needles, and to her surprise, there was nothing to show for it except for a series of jagged holes in her body. There was no blood, and there was no gore; there was only pain.

The bristle-backed demon held her fast against one of the walls of the prison before drawing back a fist covered in razor sharp scales. The punch connected solidly with her jaw, shredding the skin on the right side of her face. Once again, she screamed, begged, pleaded for mercy. She received none.

The demon let go of her abruptly and she slid to the ground, bringing her knees up against her already shredded torso. The other demon took a step toward her, and she flinched as she buried her face in her arms. The hideous creature took hold of the edge of her cloak, picking her up once again swinging her body around its head like an athlete performing a hammer throw. The collar of her cloak bit into her windpipe, making the already thin air even harder to breath.

Just when Raven was sure the torture would never end, the demon let go, slamming her unceremoniously into another of the cell's stone walls. Before she had the chance to fall back to the ground, it grabbed her once again, twisting her ankle until it snapped like a toothpick. Her screams echoed off the roughly hewn rock.

How she longed for death. Even death was a merciful sanctuary compared to this. Its promise loomed in front of her as she endured beating after beating, seemingly so close, but always out of reach.

The demon dropped her into the center of the cell, backing away so that the other demon could have its share of _fun_.

The bristle-backed demon stepped up, grinning sadistically as it chose its method of torture. In one swift motion, the creature whipped around, driving its mace-like tail directly into her side and sending her skittering across the ground like a human hockey puck. When she finally stopped, she was lying on her stomach next to one of the walls. A shriek worked its way out of her throat, rising up to join the already blaring cacophony of desperate cries for mercy.

The other demon shook out a fistful of claws and raked it down her back, shredding her already ruined uniform and cutting canyons into her skin. She winced, her fingernails digging into the hard packed earth in a desperate attempt to relieve the pain.

"Please." She whispered to no one, her voice barely audible as she shakily lifted her face upwards. "Help."

Each demon stepped closer, looking more menacing than anything Raven had ever encountered on Earth. She cringed, bracing herself for what she knew was coming next.

A booming voice rolled through the dark atmosphere, bringing both demons to a dead halt. "Enough!"

* * *

Beast Boy looked out over the city from on top one of the columns on the bridge that spanned the entire bay. He couldn't help but remember how Robin had broken his arm up here, chasing after Johnny Rancid on his R-Cycle.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets, pulling out three things. First was the blindfold he had used earlier on Terra… _Terra's impersonator_, he added to himself.

The second was a syringe, inside of which was an overdose of the antidote Cyborg had used to stop him from turning into the Beast. The third item was by far the most important. The lights of the city glinted off of the necklace in his hand. He had found it around Raven's neck, and at first he'd had no idea why she was wearing a penny as a necklace. After examining it for a few seconds, he noticed the date on it; 1964. Impossible. As he continued to stare at it, he realized that it was the same penny he had given to Raven on the day that the world was supposed to end. She had kept it. But hadn't she dropped it when she became the portal? She had to have gone looking for it, which meant that it was special to her.

A bittersweet feeling tugged at Beast Boy's heart as the rain continued to pour down, partly happiness that something he had given her was so important to her, partly sorrow as he realized that he would never again see her face.

He bit his lip, blinking quickly to fight back the tears that transformed the city lights into blurred streaks.

The first time Raven had died, he knew he would have given anything to be able to go save her, but he had been forced to face the fact that Robin was more qualified for the job. It had been one of the hardest decisions he had ever made, but he had given up his pride so that Raven could be saved. This time, Raven was gone and he couldn't do a thing about it. No one could.

_She isn't coming back. She's_ never_ coming back. I'll never see her again. _With each thought, the pain dug deeper, as if it would never end.

_This is all my fault. If only I had paid attention. If only I hadn't shrugged off the signs that something was wrong like they were nothing. If only, if only, if only. _

He tied the necklace around his neck, dropped the bandana, and stared down at the syringe in his hand.

He would give anything to be able to see her again, if only for a moment, if only to hear her voice for a split second. Never before had he wanted to go back and change his past so badly, even when his parents had died. He had learned to move on without them, with the Doom Patrol's help. He would never be able to move on from Raven, and he hadn't even realized that fact until it was too late.

Beast Boy felt as if half of his heart had been stolen from his chest, replaced by solid rock. Malchior was dead, Trigon was vanquished, and Terra had never actually existed. Every scapegoat for the situation had dissipated, leaving Beast Boy to carry the burden on his own.

"Raven?" he whispered. "If you're out there… I'm sorry. I never got to say it, but I'm really..." he paused for a second, sniffling as the tears started pouring down his face once again. "Sorry…"

There was no answer.

He never imagined it would hurt this much. It sucked. It just plain sucked. With physical pain, sometimes there was a certain satisfaction, like when you've finally yanked out a stubborn knot in your hair. This pain was nothing like that. It was just pure sorrow. There were no other words to describe it, and he had never felt so alone.

As the air around him seemed to shroud him in grief, he injected himself with Cyborg's antidote, plunging the syringe into his arm.

* * *

Raven only barely found the strength to lift her head from where she lay, crumpled at the edge of the cell. The demons had stopped torturing her, but why? There were few beings powerful enough to command them.

The voice rumbled once again, sounding closer to thunder than Raven thought physically possible. "She does not belong here!"

The ground shook beneath her, and Trigon's furious voice erupted from somewhere down below. "The blood that flows through her veins is that of a demon. Tell me, how can she not belong here?"

"I have prepared a place for her. She belongs with me!" the thunder rumbled calmly.

"I am her sire!" Trigon answered. "Do you deny me the right to my own daughter? How can you say that she belongs with you when the law says that demons belong in Hell?"

"I wrote that law. It is true that her blood is that of a demon, but her heart is one of gold. I judge by the heart, not by the heritage. She has already proved to be far nobler than any demon in existence." The voice continued, and Raven couldn't contain the glimmer of hope that sparked in her chest. "She belongs with me, and that is final!"

A light brighter than any Raven had ever seen flooded the cell, and the two demons knelt down, shielding their faces from it.

Squinting into the light, she saw a man walking toward her. He scooped up her broken body, and at his touch, every stain, wound, or flicker of pain, was washed away.

When she was able to fully open her eyes again, the flames were gone; the searing heat had lowered to a smooth breeze, as calming as the first breath of spring. A massive ivory gate stood before her, sparkling with every jewel imaginable.

Raven looked down at her uniform to realize that her cloak had turned white. Every rip or tear had been mended. Her eyes widened at this, and she looked back up at the gate, only to realize that there was a figure standing in front of it.

The man smiled, shaking out his beautiful white wings as he reached out one hand. "I am sorry that you had to spend so much time there. Trigon was far more adamant about where you belong than he should have been, but you're safe now. I am the Archangel Michael."

Raven shook his hand, still confused. "You mean I get to go to heaven?" she asked, barely able to believe her ears.

Michael grinned, his eyes sparkling. "Of course. Did you really believe we would allow you to be tortured when you have done so much good, even with the weight of the world on your shoulders? You were a victim of circumstance, and you have handled it brilliantly. You deserve it, after all you've been through."

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and her voice soft. "Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me."

Michael nodded. "I have someone I'd like you to meet." He said, gesturing to somewhere behind her. Raven turned around to see another angel approaching. On closer inspection, she realized that his face was familiar.

"Tobey?" she asked, walking closer to him.

Tobey smiled at her, pulling her into a warm embrace.

Raven shut her eyes, gripping him tightly. "Tobey, I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Rae, it's alright." He answered, and she smiled at the nickname. It had been a while since she had heard it from him. "It wasn't your fault, and trying to fix it would have gotten both of us killed." He added.

"I know, I just… I couldn't help blaming myself. I wish I'd done something."

"I'm glad you didn't. You would have died, and then it would have been _my_ fault. Besides, my death was a noble one, at least." Tobey said, and Raven couldn't help but agree with him. "But there's something Michael needs to tell you now."

Raven turned to him, and he smiled. "Do you believe that your journey is over?"

"I… I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to ask me." Raven said, as her eyes narrowed in confusion.

"You have lived your life, and you have died fighting, but, considering your circumstances, your journey is only over when you decide to end it."

"What are you saying?" she asked, beginning to understand.

"I am saying that you have a choice. From here, you may go on through the gates of heaven, and live in peace for all eternity, or, you can turn around."

"Are you telling me that I can choose to go back to Earth?" she asked.

Michael nodded. "But if you choose to do so, I cannot guarantee that your heart will still be pure enough to return to this place. Only you can do that. What I am saying, is that you may not get to come back to heaven if you return to Earth now. It is your choice, but before you decide, I would like to say that you are still needed on Earth."

"What do you mean I'm still needed?"

"You'll have to find out for yourself. The choice is yours."

Raven stared down at the ground. _I might end up in Hell again, but he's telling me that I'm needed on Earth. Am I willing to take the risk?_

Clenching her fists, she made her decision.

"I want to go back."


	15. Chapter 15

RascalKat: Alright, I know it's been about… Forty days or so (WAYYYYY to long) since I've updated, and I just wanted to say-

Sara: That we had to kick her butt to get it going and finished…

Kisa: Yeah, you'd think that she gave it up for lent!

Sara: But alas she didn't. So my dear sister would you kindly do the disclaimer?

Kisa: Of course, and DON'T call me dear again. Rascal doesn't own Teen Titans, and-

RascalKat: Sara? Kisa? What exactly are you doing in my story?

Sara: Umm… Disclaiming?

Kisa: Yeah, we had to since you haven't had a disclaimer in a while.

RascalKat: *sigh* GET OUT OF MY STORY! *takes out giant hammer*

Kisa: You stole my hammer!

Sara: Kisa, when have you ever had a giant hammer?

Kisa: Um… Oh, look at the time, gotta go! *runs behind brick wall*

Sara: Hey, get back here! *chases after Kisa*

RascalKat: Anyway, I don't own Teen Titans, and I'm really, honestly, sincerely sorry that I haven't updated in a while! But have I got a treat for you! You are going to _love_ this next chapter. (And then you may possibly hate me.) Anyway, you'll just have to find out for yourself. Now what are you waiting for? Read Chapter 15!

* * *

Robin pursed his lips as he stood on the roof of Titans Tower.

He had sworn that he would protect the city at all costs, every single person. Up until now, he had kept his oath, but this time he had failed to protect the one person that needed help so badly. She was one of the few people who had ever attempted to be strong enough to fix her own problems, and he had failed her. For all the things she had ever done for him, every piece of advice, every bit of aid in battle, all the way down to helping him hold on to his own sanity, he had failed her.

What was worse, the last few sentences he had said to her were said in accusation. And after all that, Raven had found the strength to save the entire world. More importantly right now, though, she had saved _him_.

_And to be completely honest, _he thought to himself_, I didn't deserve it. _

"What are we going to do without you, Raven?" he asked, desperately trying to swallow the knot in his throat.

He had known there was a chance to save her the first time. He had been able to feel that she hadn't really died when she had become Trigon's portal, and he had been right. Now, he felt as if she were truly gone. Unfortunately, she really was. There wasn't a chance to go and save her this time. She was gone for good, and now Robin needed to learn to let go of her. He only hoped the rest of the team could learn to let go of her as well.

Robin had heard stories of groups of superheroes losing a member or two of their teams, but he had never expected it to happen to _him._

_I'm not ready for this, but as the leader of the Titans, it's up to me to pull the rest of the team through it. _

He was turning to head back inside anyway when his communicator buzzed in his gloved hand. He flicked it open, and the face on the screen was none other than Cyborg. He didn't even give Robin a chance to acknowledge him before he plunged into his sentence.

"Robin, get down here, you're not gonna believe this!"

* * *

Beast Boy sat down quickly, hugging his knees after letting the needle roll out of his shaking hand. His body's initial response to the antidote would more than likely be dizziness, and considering his current location, he didn't want to make his death more painful than necessary.

_As if it really matters in the end, _he thought sullenly, _but then again, I'd rather not land on the bridge if I happen to fall off this stupid column. _

An unintended side-effect of the antidote that Cyborg had given him to quell his inner Beast had rendered him powerless the last time he had taken it. Apparently, as well as suppressing the Beast, the antidote also temporarily suppressed his ability to shape shift. He only hoped that, by deactivating his powers, he might be given the freedom to end his own life. If he could still shape shift, he just might accidentally save himself from his own suicide attempt through his animal instincts.

When the world finally stopped spinning around him, he stood up slowly, taking in his flawless view of Jump City. He wanted to get a good look at it, considering that it would be the last thing he would ever get the chance to see.

He knew what Raven would say if she were here. She would try to tell him that he was a wimp for taking the easy way out, that the only way to prove his inner strength was to keep going. But he couldn't. There was no way that he could hold on. Not a chance. He had gone through so much with her by his side, and now, he had nothing left to show for it.

Beast Boy's last shred of control slipped from his fingers, and he felt the tears course down his face. For a second, it felt like he had been kicked in the stomach, and he couldn't breathe.

"RAVEN!" he shouted at the clouds looming above him. It no longer mattered whether someone heard him. Even if they came to help, they would be too late. He lowered his voice, although the rage inside of it could never have been stifled. "How dare you tell me I'm weak if I give up? This is all your fault! You don't understand how much I love you. You don't know how hard it is to live without you. I wouldn't have to make this choice if you were here! If you were here, I wouldn't _need_ to take the easy way out! If you were here… WHY CAN'T YOU BE HERE?" He screamed, only barely managing to form the last word before his voice left him, replaced by sobs that shook him to his core. He knew the answer to that question. _The only reason she's not here is because you weren't strong enough to save her. It is your fault, and don't you ever forget it._ He thought, disgusted with himself.

The sight of her lifeless body worked its way into Beast Boy's memory. He shut his eyes, grimacing at the picture in his mind. He couldn't help but remember that a patch on the side of her leotard had been torn off, and at first he had disregarded the three scars on her exposed flesh. After a few seconds, though, he had realized that he had given them to her during the training session. He looked down at his hand and clenched his fist, wishing he could somehow rinse her blood from his hands. It didn't matter whether it had been weeks since the incident. With Raven gone, her forgiveness had somehow lost meaning to him. Now, he could no longer forgive himself for hurting her. The guilt had welled up inside him, forcing him to face what he had done.

"I don't even see why you don't want me to give up." He stated, as if Raven were sitting next to him. "I couldn't even save you by myself the first time. I had to have the Beast help me. I'm even not worth it. You wouldn't be dead if I was." Beast Boy gulped, trying to force down the knot in his throat. "You would be here, standing by me… But since you're not… I'm coming to stand by you." He added, tying the bandana around his head as tightly as possible over his eyes.

"I'm coming, Raven." The wind whipped his words from his mouth as he dove off the edge of the column.

* * *

Robin wasn't entirely sure whether he actually wanted to go back to the med bay, but he knew he had to. He had to be there for his team. The hasty sound of Cyborg's voice also had to mean that something _big _was happening, and Robin was curious to know what it was anyway.

A minute later, he had arrived at the med bay, reluctant to open the doors and walk into the room again. He took a deep breath and opened the door. Immediately, he noticed that the atmosphere of the room had changed. Starfire had stopped crying (how _that _was possible, he had no idea), Cyborg was dashing around the room, obviously occupied with something, and Raven… Well, he had chosen not to look at her. Beast Boy had to be off moping somewhere, dealing with the pain in his own way.

Robin turned his attention toward Cyborg, trying to keep Raven out of his peripheral. Cyborg turned to him, his one eye sparking with some intense brand of shock.

"What is it?" Robin asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Take a look at Raven." He replied.

Robin gritted his teeth, casting her body a quick glance before looking back up at Cyborg.

Cyborg scoffed. "Now take a _closer_ look at Raven." He said.

Robin shook his head slightly, hoping that Starfire wasn't paying attention. If took too good a look at the body of one of his closest friends, he was sure he'd lose it. Right now was certainly not the time to lose it, especially when Starfire had stopped crying already. He wanted to keep it that way.

"Robin." Cyborg said, more sternly this time. "Look. At. Raven."

He sighed before pursing his lips, grudgingly turning his head to look at the lifeless body resting on the sheets. He blinked once, twice, then took a step closer, his heart beginning to pound.

"But Beast Boy said…" he whispered.

"I know. Beast Boy wasn't lying, but neither are your eyes."

Robin blinked hard once again, just to be sure.

She was _breathing._

* * *

Raven's eyes opened slowly, drawn awake by the three titans bustling around the room. She squinted in the harsh light of the med bay.

No one had noticed that she had woken up, and she stayed silent, listening to their conversation and trying to understand what had just happened. Starfire was unusually silent, occasionally wiping a tear from her eyes as she calibrated some sort of machine. Robin and Cyborg were also serious; normal for Robin, but certainly not for Cyborg.

_Who died?_ She wondered.

"And what do you think happened to him?" Robin asked. She had no idea who they were talking about.

"Probably dead." Cyborg replied.

_Dead? They can't be talking about… Beast Boy… can they? _Michael had told her that she was still needed on earth. Had she already failed her mission?

"What are you talking about?" she asked, unable to keep her silence any longer. She struggled to sit up. Her efforts drew her teammates to her bedside, but none of them answered her question.

"Is her heart rate stable?" Robin asked.

Cyborg nodded. "So's her blood pressure, and her brain activity." He replied.

"And you are certain that each of these machines is working properly?" Starfire asked anxiously.

"Positive. I triple checked the readings on each."

"What about-" Robin began, but Raven cut him off.

"Why is everyone talking about me as if I'm not here?" she exclaimed, her voice rising an octave in her frustration.

Robin looked at her, and she could see the worry and concern in his eyes, even through his mask.

"Because." He replied. "You _shouldn't_ be here."

Raven was silent for a few second. "I… _died_, didn't I?" she asked, but it was more of a statement than a question, as the memories of what had happened over the past few hours trickled back into her awareness.

They all nodded slightly, unsure of how she would react to her own death.

"Raven." Robin ventured. "I never got to tell you this before you left, but I'm sorry. I was acting like a jerk to you, and it was wrong of me to call you immature."

"We are also sorry." Starfire said. Cyborg nodded in agreement.

"Guys, there's no need to apologize. I _was _acting immature. That had nothing to do with Malchior or Trigon. It was my fault that I allowed Terra to manipulate me, not yours."

"Raven, no. None of this was your fault, and you need to realize that. _We_ were the ones who were ignoring you, and you were only trying to show us how horribly we were acting. You don't have to apologize for that." Robin said, hoping she would listen to them.

Raven looked into each of their eyes, feeling the guilt that was radiating from them. "Fine." She said. "If you won't let me take responsibility for it, then I won't let you guys take responsibility for it either. Malchior was controlling you, you had no authority over the way you treated me." She replied.

"But that doesn't change the fact that I failed you, Raven. We all failed you. Except for Beast Boy of course."

Hearing his name brought back the realization that she wasn't sure whether he was still alive. "Beast Boy isn't… dead… is he?" she asked, her heart skipping madly as she looked up at them, eyes wide. _How could I forget that his life might be on the line? _She wondered guiltily.

Robin looked at her in confusion. "No, he's the one that brought you back here. Why would you think that Beast Boy died?"

Raven pulled her knees up to her chest as the relief flooded through her. "I don't know. You were talking about how you thought someone was probably dead, and Beast Boy is the only person unaccounted for."

He thought back through the conversation he had been having with Cyborg before Raven woke up, then nodded in understanding. "We were talking about Malchior." He replied.

She nodded as the vision of Beast Boy snapping Malchior's neck traveled back into her view, and she shut her eyes to try to blink the image away.

"It's good to have you back Rae." Cyborg said, putting a hand on her shoulder. Raven opened her eyes again and looked up at him, smiling slightly.

"It's good to _be_ back." She said, shuddering as she remembered the torture from her few minutes in Hell. It certainly _was_ good to be back.

The silence stretched on for a few moments until Cyborg thought of something else he needed to ask. "Raven, I can't think of any scientific explanation as to why you came back to life. You don't happen to have one by any magical means, do you?"

Raven thought for a moment, choosing her words carefully. "I can honestly say that it had nothing to do with anything 'magical'." She replied, knowing that they probably wouldn't believe her if she told them that it was God that had allowed her to come back.

"Looks like we've got a genuine miracle on our hands." Cyborg stated.

Robin nodded. "And I'm sure Beast Boy will be thrilled to know you're alive. Cyborg, would you mind getting a hold of him?"

"Sure thing." He said, pushing a button on his arm. A few seconds passed in expectant silence. "That's funny… He's not answering. You think he might have dropped his communicator?"

"It certainly would fit him to lose his communicator, but can you still find out where he is?" Robin asked.

Another few seconds passed as Cyborg checked the GPS. "His locator has been disabled."

Robin sighed. "Well, I guess we have no way to contact him then. He might just be off sulking somewhere, and doesn't want us to find him."

"He'll probably show up in the morning, then." Cyborg said.

"So, you don't know where he is, and you can't reach him?" Raven asked. The rest of the Titans nodded, each of them wondering why she was repeating what had just been said. "Is that it? You're just going to wait till he comes back?" Once again, they nodded. "And what happens if he's in trouble?"

"Look Rae, if he's not answering, he obviously doesn't want to talk." Cyborg explained.

"But he still thinks I'm dead. You're just going to let him get even more upset, for no reason?"

"Raven, we can't track him." Robin interjected.

"That doesn't mean we can't find him." Raven added, sliding out from under the sheets of the bed she was laying on. Robin and Starfire tensed up, ready to rush to her aid if she faltered. Cyborg only watched her with a knowing smile.

Raven grabbed her tattered cloak from the end of the bed, took one look at it, then walked confidently toward the sliding doors of the med bay. "I'm going to change." She said over her shoulder. "You guys should start searching."

By the time she had return, only Cyborg was left waiting for her. "The others went to look for him." He said. "You'll be riding with me in the T-Car."

"I'm fine, Cyborg, really. You don't need to baby me." She replied.

"I know, but I don't want to take any chances. Besides, I wanted to talk to you."

"Fine." She said, giving up on her stubborn attitude, knowing that it wouldn't have worked on Cyborg anyway.

"Let's go then."

* * *

The wind whistled past his ears as Beast Boy fell closer to the dark water beneath him. He wanted desperately to yank off his blind fold, panicking over his inability to see where he would land. Knowing that his morphing powers had been deactivated made his heart beat even faster.

He was caught completely off guard by the surface of the water smacking him in the face. It almost knocked him unconscious, but some stray instinct left over from the antidote forced him to stay awake. It was either that, or the frozen shock of the water soaking into his clothes.

Beast Boy dove farther into the dark river, hoping to get as deep into the water as he could before he stopped swimming. At last, he could no longer tell which way was up or down, and he had to force himself not to rip off the blindfold and start swimming for the surface. Seconds ticked by.

He exhaled, forcing the air from his lungs to speed up the drowning process. He wanted to scream for air now, but he remained silent, his senses dulled by the water surrounding him on all sides, weighing down on him, vast and overpowering. It was quiet here, the sounds of the city above water distant and morphed, but inside of his mind was a raging inferno. All the things he had left unsaid crashed through his awareness, all of the best memories from his life, as well as the worst. Raven's death easily topped _that_ list.

Beast Boy stretched, moving his body to use up what little oxygen was leftover. His lungs felt as if they were about to collapse, convulsing rhythmically as if they were trying to force him to breath, even though he wouldn't have been able to if he tried.

Through the hazy din of his rampant recollections, he heard his words repeated to him from when he had realized that Raven was dead. _I didn't save you for nothing! _The voice shouted, but it wasn't his own voice repeating the words this time. It was Raven's.

Lack of oxygen was taking its toll on his thought process, rapidly depleting his ability to think, but the realization still hit him like a ton of bricks.

Raven had _saved_ him. She had used every drop of her own essence to destroy Trigon, She had known that she would end up losing her life as well, but she had done it anyway so that the rest of the world could go on living. She paid the ultimate price for him. She had _died_ for him, and now here he was throwing his life away when Raven had given up so much to allow him to keep it. What kind of friend _was_ he if he so blatantly disregarded her most sincere wishes for his life?

_I have to…_ he thought, the words echoing slower and foggier in his mind. _I have to… survive._

Beast Boy's hands settled on his blindfold, tearing at the thin piece of fabric. It wouldn't budge. He had tied it to tight, and now it felt as if he had nailed the darn thing to his very skull. His hands would scarcely listen to him anymore, making it even harder to remove.

_This…is for. Raven. _He thought, the sentence disjointed as ever as he clawed at the blindfold. With one last sharp tug at it, the knot tightened, allowing him enough slack to painfully yank it off.

He opened his eyes and glanced around him, searching for the surface. It was pitch black in the first place but with water blurring his vision, he was surprised when he could see a single smear of light somewhere above him. There was barely a glimmer from the orange streetlights at the surface, almost imperceptible, but still there.

Beast Boy swam madly for the light, but his limbs moved sluggishly, dragging him toward the surface at the pace of a snail.

_I'm not gonna make it_. He thought.

Raven's voice flooded his consciousness, fueling his desperation. _Yes, you will._ She said. _You're almost there. _

He tried to remember the most efficient way of swimming from his years with animal instincts, but Cyborg's antidote had locked that knowledge away, as impossible to obtain as immortality. There was nothing left to do but swim as fast as he could, and that he did, but his muscles burned, ached for air.

Sucking in a mouthful of water, he swam faster, the surface only a few feet away now.

At the same time, he could almost feel his brain shutting down. _I can't do it._

_Yes, Beast Boy, you can! _Raven repeated, urging him to succeed, and he reached upward with one last stroke of his arm.

_No Rae… I can't. I'm sorry. _He thought, his fingers just brushing the surface as his body shut down completely.


	16. Chapter 16

_WARNING: Prepare for the longest author's note in FanFiction history! _

_Okay. So… I have two words to say about my inability to update. I. Suck. Plain and simple. That's really all I can say. But you are about to read the longest chapter I've ever written for this story, so that should at least be something to be happy about! Once again, I had to split the darn chapters up. I thought you guys had all waited long enough, so I just decided to end it where I ended it and maybe add a chapter or two. That's right. The story is no longer going to be 17 chapters long. As of now, it will probably be 18 chapters when I'm finished, but that number is subject to change. ;)_

_Now that I've got that out of the way, I'd like to thank the academ… wait a second… *turns notebook page* wrong speech… Anyway, I wanted to thank my friends, 'specially Sara and Kisa, and Rini Rose for helping me edit this chapter. There are a few sentences in this story that are solely Rini's so thanks to her for that ;D. Those particular sentences belong to her, not me! I chose not to highlight them or anything because I thought it might distract people… _

_Also, I forgot to add a note in the last chapter about the 'religion variables' as Muroun called them (nice wording ;) ). I had to include those because demons exist in this story. Shouldn't angels exist also? And since angels exist, doesn't that mean God exists? Also, I happen to be a Christian, so I decided to put that religion into the story because I'm the most familiar with it. I'd also be a pretty big jerk if I didn't include God in this story when it's so easy to fit him in, considering He's the one who gave me my writing abilities (however good or bad they may be, haha). _

_Feel free to skip this next section unless you really wanna read it. I try to reply to my reviewers sometimes to show my thanks, but I usually end up forgetting in the rush to post stuff before I have to go to bed or something. _

_aussietin: Yup, it is pretty dark and depressing! And yeah, you're right, it is kinda unrealistic to have Malchior just appear out of no where… Maybe I'll include some sort of explanation in the sequel… You know, if I write a sequel. Not sure yet. Thanks!_

_Muroun: You rock for being my 100__th__ reviewer! *hands you virtual stuffed Beast Boy* And don't worry about the review being short, your other really long ones definitely make up for it! P.S. I LOVE X-Men Evolution World!_

_Cookiesareawesome: Really? I know its okay, but I wouldn't say it's the best story. That's quite a high honor, especially with how many BBRae stories you've read! Thank you for that! I tried to add other people's POV's in this chapter somehow, not sure how it worked out, but then again, it is a Beast-Boy-and-Raven-centric story. I also don't always have ideas for things that other people might be thinking or feeling about the things that go on around them… Especially Starfire, cuz she and I are complete opposites personality-wise. I NEVER know what she's thinking._

_To everyone else that has reviewed so far: THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH FOR YOUR AWESOME REVIEWS! Thanks to all you guys, I've passed my original goal of 100 reviews! YEAH! I know I don't thank you guys enough, but I really appreciate it that you take the time out of your day to review my story of all things._

_Hang on a second… Pizza's here. *rushes off to eat pizza* *comes back* I'm stuffed…. Ugh… Okay, on with the story! Just remember, you're about to read more than 5,000 words, but don't worry. It goes by pretty fast ;D. _

_As usual, if you see any mistakes or typos or whatever, tell me in a review. I want to keep my story as grammatically correct as possible ;)._

* * *

"So." Cyborg began, putting the keys in the ignition of the T-Car. He cast a glance at Raven, who was sitting in the passenger seat. "How long have you liked Beast Boy?"

Her eyes widened slightly in shock. "What are you talking about?" she replied, hoping that her acting skills were good enough to evade the questioning look in Cyborg's eyes.

"Come on Rae." He pulled into the tunnel that connected their island with the rest of the city. "Do you seriously think you can pull a fast one on me? Don't deny it, you like him."

"Really, Cyborg, I don't like him."

Cyborg looked at her with one eyebrow cocked, daring her to prove his theory wrong. She continued, listing off all of the things Cyborg thought she despised about Beast Boy "He's … annoying, for one. He's also juvenile, arrogant, talkative, he tells the worst jokes in human history, his hair is _green_ for crying out loud, and he's a downright moron when it comes to anything even _remotely_ intellectual." She snorted uncharacteristically.

"And you're gonna bash _him_ for having an odd hair color?" he asked, jerking his head at her violet locks. She glared at him. "Anyway, Raven, you do realize that you just described Beast Boy as your polar opposite, right?"

"Yeah. That's basically what he is, isn't he?" she asked, realizing at the wrong moment that she had just dug herself in deeper.

Cyborg grinned smugly. "Opposites attract, you know." He pointed out.

Raven sunk deeper into her seat, knowing that her act-your-way-out-of-it plan had just been ruined.

Cyborg's communicator rang at that second, and Raven had never been more grateful for the interruption. He answered it, and Robin's face appeared on the screen below the radio.

"Did you find him?" Cyborg asked.

"Unfortunately, no. Star and I have this side of town covered, though. You two need to check downtown."

"He would have called to check in by now." Raven added, wincing slightly when worry laced its way through her words, hoping the others hadn't noticed.

Robin sighed. "Yeah, I know. Just keep looking; we're not giving up on him this easily."

"We'll keep that in mind." Cyborg said, ending the call. He spun the steering wheel to the right, getting onto the highway that looped around to the other side of the city.

Raven stared out the window, praying that Cyborg would forget about it. The dense woodland that surrounded the highway only made her feel more despondent, and the sky, grey from rain, was just plain depressing.

Why had he gone out on a night like this, and where in the world would he have gone? What had been so important that he'd had no other choice but to step out into the storm, leaving them behind? Had he just needed to escape the desolate atmosphere of Titan's Tower so badly that he was willing to leave the safety of the island without saying where he was going?

On any other day, going out somewhere without permission was acceptable. Not necessarily encouraged, but acceptable. Somehow, this night seemed to be the exception to the rule, at least to Raven. She wasn't going to be unforgiving towards the rest of the team for allowing him to vanish in her absence, considering it was normal most of the time. That didn't mean it didn't bother her that they hadn't noticed until she returned though.

She chewed her lip thoughtfully, circling back around to the same questions she had started with.

_Why did he leave, and where did he go?_

A feeling of dread clutched at her like the grip of a shadow, tightening its fingers around her heart. The realization had smacked her in the face before she had even finished putting the last piece of the puzzle together. It was so obvious, why hadn't she thought of it before? She leaned her head against her hand, kicking herself for being so stupid as to not recognize the real reason for Beast Boy's disappearance. It was Terra, plain and simple. Had she won him over, enticed him to agree to run away together? Had he melted like putty in her hands, the spineless, although charming, fool that he was? Had he forgiven her instantly for all the things she had done, or had he been gullible enough to believe whatever sob story she had managed to come up with?

Raven grimaced, knowing that Beast Boy probably had forgiven her, even after everything that had happened that night. Her emotional pain wasn't enough to turn Beast Boy away from his new girlfriend, and as much as she couldn't stand to admit it, she didn't blame him. Why should it be enough, anyway? That situation had been her fault. Still, it hurt to think that she might just be worthless in his eyes. _No,_ she thought, refusing to believe it, even though she knew deep down that she was most likely right. Beast Boy was gullible, willing to believe almost anything, but even he had limits… Didn't he? She had to give him at least some credit for that, right? Was he really naïve enough to think that Terra was still a hero? She desperately hoped he wasn't, but at the same time, she didn't want to go chasing after the shadow of a dream, only to catch it and find out that the possibility had never existed in the first place.

Cyborg gave a short laugh, causing Raven to jump as he startled her from her reverie. She groaned on the inside. _Not this again, especially not now._

"Admit it, Rae." He said.

She shot him a death glare, and for a second, Cyborg actually feared for his life.

"Fine, fine!" he said, putting one hand in the air in resignation. "You don't like him." He drove in silence for a few seconds, and Raven was beginning to think he had dropped the subject for good this time. Just as quickly as the idea crossed her mind, he looked over at her, a very stupid looking smirk on his face.

"So. How long have you known?" She asked with a sigh, coming to the conclusion that Cyborg knowing would lead to the team knowing. If Terra was still around, that meant utter humiliation, not to mention Beast Boy would probably hate her for the rest of his life. She silently cursed herself. When had she allowed her secret to slip?

"I might as well be your brother, Raven. I know these things." He said simply. "But you did kind of jump to conclusions pretty quickly when the possibility came up that BB might have died."

"Hardly something to joke about, especially when we still haven't found him." Raven growled as she scoured the sides of the road, praying that she wouldn't see his battered body lying there. Cyborg was silent, and Raven added, "Just don't tell him, or anyone else for that matter, otherwise Beast Boy won't be the only one who has ever been hung upside down from the ceiling."

She knew she would die of embarrassment if Beast Boy ever did find out. Besides, for all she knew, he was still in love with Terra. Hadn't Terra already proven to be everything that Beast Boy had ever wanted? She had certainly proven to be everything Raven was not. . . Beautiful, strong, funny, talkative… She actually laughed at his jokes… She was perfect for Beast Boy, because he was too love struck to see all of her flaws. Raven wanted him to be happy more than anything else in the world, even if she herself wasn't included, and even if she didn't like it. Who was she to get in the way of his happiness? Then again, what if Terra hurt him? She could just see it coming, but he probably wouldn't listen to her if she tried to warn him. How she truly wished he looked at her the same way he looked at Terra. She might just have a chance then.

She sighed inwardly. _I_ _can't feel emotion anyway. Why waste love on somebody that can't comprehend it? _She wondered cynically. She knew perfectly well that she was just as capable of feeling emotions as anyone else. Everyone assumed that she couldn't feel because of the way she acted. Why should she believe anything different? Maybe if she convinced herself that she couldn't feel emotions, it would just make things easier for everyone else. It wouldn't make much of a difference though. _He loves her. . ._ she thought, remembering the necklace he had given Terra for her birthday. Didn't that confirm that he loved Terra, and not her?

Raven's hand flew to the necklace made of the penny Beast Boy had given her, desperately wanting to somehow prove herself wrong. It wasn't there. She felt her throat, checking to make sure that the necklace hadn't somehow wound up backwards. Nothing. _I… I lost it._ she thought, frantically trying to remember the last time she had last seen it. _I can't believe I lost it._

"Cyborg." She asked, forcing her voice into composure. The worthless token that symbolized the small possibility that Beast Boy still cared about her. Gone. Not only was it gone, but she had so carelessly lost it.

"Yeah?" He turned the windshield wipers on as the rain began to splatter against the glass once again.

"When I was… unconscious… did you happen to take off my necklace?" Perhaps he had needed to remove it if the metal somehow skewed the readings of the machines she had been hooked up to.

"What kind of necklace was it?"

"Just a… penny on a chain." She replied, praying to God that he wouldn't figure out which penny it was. Her cover was already blown, but that didn't mean she needed to embarrass herself further.

"No, I think I would have remembered something like that." He said. "Wait, why were you wearing a penny as a necklace?" Of course he would be curious. The phrase 'Raven wearing jewelry' was practically an oxymoron.

"Just a memento." She said, desperately trying to change the subject.

"Memento of what?" _Crap._

"Nothing that would matter to you."

"Oh." He said, narrowing his eye. "Okay."

They sat in awkward silence, Cyborg trying to figure out what it was a memento of that she could care so deeply for it, Raven hoping he wouldn't.

"Hold up" Cyborg said. Unfortunately, he was far too smart for his own good. "It doesn't happen to be that penny that BB gave you that one time, does it?"

Raven glowered at him. "Yes." She replied through gritted teeth, feeling her face start to heat up in embarrassment.

Cyborg smirked at her.

"You would use the phrase "that one time" to describe the day the world was supposed to end?" she scoffed, hoping to turn the attention to another subject. She could feel her face flushing all the more, and she was beginning to wish she had her hood on.

"You knew what time I was talking about, didn't you?"

"Yes, but…" she paused, unable to think of a good retort.

"Wait; didn't you drop that penny when you became the portal though?" Cyborg asked, always a stickler for the tiniest details.

"Yes, I dropped it."

"So you went looking for a penny that had probably been destroyed in the first place just because BB gave it to you? And now you wear it as a necklace…"

"For your information, Cyborg, I didn't go 'looking for it'. I found it."

"Found it in a heap of rubble in that giant crater where the old library used to be." Cyborg corrected her. "So you had to have been looking for it." He grinned at her, just daring her to try to fight her way out of this one.

Raven kept silent, knowing that trying to prove herself right would only succeed in proving that she liked Beast Boy. She had yet to figure out where the necklace was anyway.

"So you have no idea where my necklace is?" she asked, pulling the conversation toward its original subject.

"You mean the one Beast Boy gave you?" he replied, intent on continuing to tease her about it. He had never seen Raven blush so much, and it was refreshing to see her reaction be something other than anger, even if he might have been gambling with his own life in this situation.

"Yes Cyborg, that one." She replied, her voice as cold as ever. So much for something other than anger.

"Nope, I hadn't seen it. And what's so bad about liking BB?" he asked, curious as to why she was so embarrassed in the first place. "It isn't like he's got some random disease and is gonna die in a year. Really, there's nothing wrong with liking him."

"Just drop it, Cyborg." She said bluntly.

Cyborg failed to notice the change in her tone, and continued the conversation. "I swear, Raven, you're as bad as Robin was when he couldn't ask Star out."

Raven pursed her lips, cringing slightly. "Robin didn't have any competition."

"Oh…" he said dumbly, guilt beginning to spread through him. He had pushed Raven too far, and now the dialogue had turned sour. "Right."

Both of them sat in stunned silence.

"I doubt Beast Boy even likes her anymore, Raven." He said, trying to find something he could say that would fix his mistake.

Raven rolled her eyes. _As if. Terra will just bat her eyelashes at him again, and he'll be infatuated with her just like he's always been. There's no reason this situation will end differently than any of the others._ She thought bitterly to herself.

"No, I'm serious." He said, somehow knowing exactly what she was thinking. "I mean, considering how big a jerk she's been lately, I wouldn't be surprised if he never spoke to her again. While you were… well, not with us, she started bashing you. All of us just about lost it, but Beast Boy… Let's just say, he almost tore her throat out then and there. He went after her when she ran off, probably to yell at her or somethin'."

For a second, there was one reason why she shouldn't just give up on Beast Boy altogether. Then, that second ended, and the voice of logic in Raven's mind had returned. She knew what had happened. He ran after her to yell at her, but she probably just gave him the most innocent look in the world, and he forgave her. _Nothing's ever going to change, so don't get your hopes up._ She took a deep breath, pushing the thought from her mind. "Speaking of Terra, where is she?"

"I dunno. Probably disappeared. Beast Boy came back inside a few minutes after he went after her, and then he left again." He didn't say anything else, still guilty over pushing Raven into corner.

_See? What did I tell you? _

She stared at her cloth boots dejectedly. She should have known. She didn't even have a chance. She had told herself not to get her hopes up, and she had certainly failed to obey that command. Why? Why did she have to constantly fail herself each and every time she so urgently needed to succeed?

Cyborg looked over at her. He had tried to fix his mistake, but he was beginning to realize that each word he said only made it worse. There was nothing left but to apologize.

"Hey, Raven, I'm sorry about..." he paused, unsure of how to word it.

"It's alright, Cyborg." She said, cutting him off and hoping he would figure out that she didn't want to talk right then; maybe not ever, but definitely not then.

"No, I really am sorry. I shouldn't have kept on pushing you when I saw how much all of it was bothering you." He said.

Raven gritted her teeth, hating herself for how easily Cyborg had recognized her discomfort.

Cyborg continued. "I really didn't mean to-."

"Its fine, it doesn't matter." She said tightly, once again trying to hint that she just wished he would stop talking about it.

Either he didn't notice, or he felt too guilty over the whole ordeal to care, because he didn't stop. "But really, I shouldn't have-"

"Cyborg!" she growled, interrupting him for the third time. "I'm fine, okay? It doesn't matter, so stop feeling guilty about it. The faster I get over it, the faster the issue is resolved, so just forget it ever happened!" By now, she was practically shouting. Cyborg just stared ahead blankly, his eyes as wide as dinner plates.

He didn't reply. He couldn't have if he wanted to. He just blinked every few seconds, stiffly moving his arms as he continued to drive down the highway.

After what seemed like an eternity to both occupants, the car pulled off of the highway, onto a narrow street in the middle of downtown.

Raven's blood slowed in her body as she recognized the street, it's heavily dilapidated sidewalk and abandoned buildings making it look all the more foreboding. This was the street. She shuddered as she passed the alley where Malchior had stopped her in her tracks. There was nothing left to show for all that she had been through here. She blinked the uninvited memories away as she realized something. If she had died here, did that mean that Beast Boy had carried her home? A rare feeling of warmth spread through her, chasing away the nightmare that had occurred in this place as she thought of him carrying her in his arms, whether she had been alive at the time or not.

She flinched as Cyborg spoke again, interrupting her thoughts mid-blush. "Raven, can you try to find Beast Boy with your powers? He could be in any of these buildings."

She took in a breath, her miserable mood returning as Cyborg again brought up the fact that Beast Boy was missing. "Of course."

"Just…" Cyborg added. "Be careful. Don't over-exert yourself, got it?"

"I'm not a child, Cyborg, you don't have to treat me like one." She said, using a far icier tone than she had intended.

"I know, I know, I just wanna make sure you're careful." He replied calmly, brushing off her sharp attitude.

Raven pursed her lips, closing her eyes and scanning her surroundings for any trace of Beast Boy's explosive aura. She could still sense his residual energy mingled with her own from when he'd carried her home. That wasn't it, of course, but now she at least had something to judge the approximate time by, based on the strength of the energy.

She flinched, her eyes opening widely as Cyborg took an unexpected turn. Shaking her head, she again closed her eyes.

Seconds passed, then minutes. At last, she picked up his aura again, and this time it was stronger than the last. She looked up to realize that they were passing in front of a museum.

Beast Boy's trail of emotion was scattered here, as if he had been nervous when he passed by this spot, but it was definitely him.

"I found his trail." She said, and Cyborg jerked the car to a halt in one of the parking spaces along the side of the road.

"Where?" he asked, his voice strained. They should have found him by now, shouldn't they? Robin hadn't called them back yet. What if time was running out?

"He went into the museum." She said, then paused as she focused in on his trail. "But… he left. I'm not sure where he went." She added, fear sparking in her chest. His trail ran cold at the foot of the stairs leading up to the entrance of the museum. In all her life, she had hardly ever known Beast Boy to be emotionless, but there was nothing to trace. Almost as if he had just… stopped feeling. Her breath caught in her throat as the only rational conclusion reared its ugly head. _Did someone… kill him?_

The two stepped out of the car, glancing around at their surroundings. Raven closed her eyes once more, searching for Beast Boy's lost trail like a coon hound. In the car, his aura had seemed to go completely dark, virtually untraceable. Now, she realized that it was still barely there, but a cold, icy blue color in her mind's eye. Normally, it was warmer; a sparkling greenish yellow, mixed with flecks of orange. The change made her uneasy. Auras only changed colors that dramatically when the person went through something intense. Such a change to the colder end of the spectrum, usually associated with depression, was almost unheard of. She wondered if his true self was still intact, or whether his sanity had been lost in his sudden wave of misery. She desperately prayed for the former as she quickened her pace, ardently following the frosted trail of emotion down the sidewalk.

A few blocks later, she stopped, checking to make sure that Cyborg was still following behind. He looked lost, frustrated by his uselessness in this situation. She couldn't blame him, though, remembering dismally the night she had been unable to use her powers after watching Wicked Scary, even as she so desperately needed them. It had been Robin that had saved her from falling to her death that night. She trembled at the memory, pushing it into a corner of her mind. _Focus on Beast Boy._ she thought. _Focus._

Cyborg continued to follow her another couple of blocks as she tracked their missing teammate. He couldn't help but notice the determined way she stood her ground, even in the face of Beast Boy's absence. She obviously cared about him, a lot more than she let on. He wondered if she would actually admit it if they were fortunate enough to find him.

Raven rounded a corner, and Cyborg jogged to reduce the distance between them, trying to make sure she didn't cross any streets without looking. It was certainly plausible, considering how deeply she was focused at the time.

Raven stopped again, waiting for Cyborg to catch up. She looked out across the bay, sensing movement in her peripheral. Her eyes widened in horror as she watched a dark shadow flailing as it fell closer to the river. Somehow she knew it was him. Somehow she knew what he was trying to do. She wavered, steadying herself against a light pole. "Oh God, no." she managed to say, feeling as if she had just been punched in the stomach.

Cyborg turned the corner, only to find Raven running as fast as she could towards the bridge. Already, she was two blocks away, and here he was sitting here watching her go. Turning around, he raced back to the T-Car. He got in, slamming the door shut, and calling Robin via communicator.

"Rob?" he asked, his voice panicked. "Raven took off. I think she found Beast Boy, so get to the bridge as fast as you can!" Robin didn't even get the chance to ask a question before Cyborg hung up, pulling out onto the street with his tires screeching beneath him.

Raven looked up just in time to see his body splash into the waves. She wasn't going to get there fast enough. Her nerves were too frayed to use her teleportation effectively, and all she could do was project a thought in Beast Boy's direction and pray he heard her. The only words that came to mind were an angered statement. _I didn't save you for nothing!_ She screamed in her head, putting on another burst of speed. Only a few blocks until she reached the bridge. She could vaguely sense his feelings change, from determination to die to determination to live.

By now she was gasping for breath, welcoming every sharp breath of air that entered her lungs. She slid along the wet concrete, stumbling to the ground and raking her knees against the asphalt. Hurriedly dragging herself to her feet, she continued to run as fast as her body would allow her to go. She would let nothing slow her down for good, especially with Beast Boy's life hanging in the balance. Her heart sank as she heard his pessimistic conviction that he wouldn't be able to reach the surface in time.

_Yes, you will._ She thought. _You're almost there._ She had no idea if he truly was anywhere close to the surface or not, but if he just kept swimming, she might be able to reach him in time. A few seconds passed and she finally reached the bridge, running along the edge of it as she dodged what few cars were out at such an ungodly hour.

Beast Boy was certainly trying to get to the surface; that much she could tell. For a few seconds, she actually believed she would make it in time… until his mind slowed down and one thought echoed back to her. _I can't do it._

_Yes, Beast Boy, you can! _She shouted, frantically trying to boost his morale. He could do this, she just knew he could. All he had to do was keep trying.

_No, Rae… I can't. I'm sorry._ She felt tears start to prick at her eyes, but she wiped them away furiously.

"Not on my watch!" she shouted, jumping over the railing of the bridge. Summoning all of her focus, she dipped closer to the waves. His limp hand slid into hers as she plunged it into the river, clutching him firmly as she hauled him from the treacherous waves. Dragging his unresponsive body back over the railing, she prayed desperately that she wasn't too late.

_Was he even still breathing?_ She checked his pulse, urgently trying to remember what to do in this type of situation. No pulse. She bent her head close to his chest, listening for a heartbeat, but of course there was none. She clenched her fists. How dare he die on her once she had finally found him again? Silently panicking over his lifeless body, she shook her head in an attempt to restore her currently jumbled memory. Somehow she was able to drag back the important steps of CPR from when Cyborg had taught her. _O… okay... chest compressions first_, she reminded herself, tentatively putting her hands on top of each other at the center of his chest.

Cyborg pulled off onto the shoulder of the bridge, grinding to a stop at the same time that Starfire landed and Robin pulled up in his R-Cycle. Relief flooded through each of them as they caught sight of Beast Boy's uniform, quickly replaced by confusion, then horrified understanding as they realized that he wasn't breathing.

Robin was about to ask why Cyborg didn't take over the CPR when he got a good look at his face. His eyes seemed glazed over, as if he wasn't all there at the time, each limb stiff and unmoving. He understood why Cyborg wasn't offering to do it. He couldn't have helped if he wanted to.

Robin stole a glance at Starfire, who was looking away, her hand over her mouth. Immediately, he stepped closer to her, intertwining his hand with her other hand. She turned to him, burying her face in his shoulder. He looked onward as Raven continued to try to revive their fallen teammate. About ten minutes later, she was still attempting to resuscitate him, but Robin knew he was already gone. He nodded at Starfire, and she took a step back as he prepared to do the one thing he had hoped he would never have to do. "Raven." He said softly. "He's gone."

She looked back at them, eyes wide, with a deer in headlights look on her face. Give up? Why in the world would she give up? Was he insane? They couldn't just let him die!

She turned back to his body, continuing to administer CPR. Robin took a few steps forward, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You did your best. There's nothing else you can do."

She shrugged his hand off, mumbling an incoherent "No" as she tried to think. She just had to get his heart to start working again, right? She couldn't use her powers to force his heart to work for fear of making things worse, and they had no defibrillators…

"Raven, you can't help him. He's dead." Robin repeated, more urgently this time. This wasn't doing any good. Somehow it didn't seem right to keep trying after so much time had passed. "Just let him rest in peace."

She shook her head. _Come on, don't die on me! _She thought anxiously, taking a deep breath before putting her mouth on his, blowing air into his unwilling lungs for what seemed like the hundredth time. She checked to see if it had worked, but once again, he just lay there, unmoving.

Robin had no choice. "Raven, give up!" he said, raising his voice. He walked closer to her, grabbing one of her arms and attempting to drag her off of Beast Boy.

"NO!" Raven shouted as she shook him off again, looking at her hands. One last chance. Feeling the jolting flecks of energy of her soul self prickling at her fingertips, she tore her arm from Robin's grasp.

Placing her hands on Beast Boy's chest once more, she directed her electrifying power at his heart.

She pulled away, her hands wavering slightly as she watched him with a cautiously optimistic expression.

Robin hated to come crashing down on such a immeasurable display of hope, but she needed to know that there was none. The more time she spent trying to revive him, the greater the pain would be to lose him. "Raven." He said gently, as if he were speaking to a child. He rested his hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her. "It's not going to..."

Robin ended his sentence a word too early as he took a step back, his eyes widening considerably as Beast Boy spluttered, expelling river water from his lungs before taking a single gasping breath. He remained unconscious as his chest rose, then fell, then rose again.

Raven relaxed as the relief spread through her, letting out a breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She laid her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She had never been so glad to hear that sound. For the first time in her life, a single tear of joy glided down her cheek as the warmest smile she'd ever known played across her face. The world grew fuzzy before her eyes, and the next thing she knew, Cyborg was picking her up and setting her in the back of the T-Car, followed closely and carefully by Beast Boy's unconscious form.

* * *

_Well, I hope that made up for the… like, month and a half that I didn't update. It certainly took a while! I had a lot of trouble with the emotions on this one, considering that I've earned the nickname of "emotionless rock" from my friends. Seriously, if your story makes me cry, you've got a real tear jerker. I don't cry much. That's why it would be helpful if you guys would tell me if you cried when you read my story, because I can never tell when stuff is emotional unless it's REALLY sad. Yup, I've got issues… XD_

_Once again, thanks to all the people that have reviewed or will review in the near future! I've already partially started on Chapter 17, so hopefully it won't take me as long as last time… We'll see how that goes... *rolls eyes at self* Cya!_


	17. Chapter 17

_*Sigh* I really suck at this. Once again, I had to cut the chapter in half. What is that, like, the fifth time? I don't have that much to say until you actually read the chapter, so I guess it's time for review responses…_

_Agent of the Divine One: Thanks! Lol, prescription drug descriptions, haha. I know it may seem that the story is finished with the drama, but there's plenty left in the last couple of chapters, haha *grins evilly*. ;D Hope you like this next chapter!_

_FelynxTiger: I'm glad it was worth it! It's also good to know that the story is emotional, cuz I'm kinda trying for that. And technically, Raven did kiss Beast Boy, but then again it was because he wasn't breathing… sooo… Anyway, there's plenty more fluff on the way __. I hope I don't disappoint you with Beast Boy's reaction to Raven!_

_Moving Mountains: Nice penname! And thanks, I'll try!_

_Dark Bloody Assassin: Sara and Kisa, I know it's you, I'm not that stupid, lol XP. _

_Ravyn: I AM, I AM! *hides under desk in terror*. Hehe._

_Muroun: Really? I'm improving? That's awesome, thank you! It's kinda funny, cuz I had no idea I was hinting at their brother/sister relationship… It just kinda came out that way. Oh well, it works. And thank you again for all of the compliments! I'll be keeping an eye out for your stories so I can return the favor!_

_kayla12000: Once again, thank you for showing so much enthusiasm for my story!_

_fishy9494: Intense is definitely what I'm going for, thanks!_

_Now, on with the story!_

* * *

The half light of the med-bay gently illuminated the peaceful look on Beast Boy's face as he lay one of the cots, tranquil as a frozen river, completely unconscious.

Cyborg sighed, putting away a few of the things he had used while hooking the grass stain up to the various machines that monitored his vitals. Somehow, the innocently comical nickname didn't fit him anymore, like a pair of work gloves that had grown too small for their owner. After the morbid stunt Beast Boy had just pulled, it would be a long time before Cyborg felt comfortable enough to address him by it again.

He had never expected it. It wasn't just that he hadn't expected it, but in all honesty, he felt as if he had been blindsided by a frying pan. Seeing the kid laying there on the bridge, dead by his own hand, had shaken him more than he ever would have admitted. Beast Boy was suicide proof. At least, that's what Cyborg had thought. He was so happy, so optimistic. He had watched his parents die right before his eyes. Someone who could live with childhood memories like those and still find reason to joke around his entire life had to be emotionally stronger than the average human, right? Normally, he hated to be so absolute in his judgment, but he had dubbed Beast Boy incapable of killing himself the first day he had met him. He had thought that his hypothesis was correct. He had thought wrong. _No one is suicide proof,_ he thought. _No one._

He would never have guessed that Beast Boy would even _think_ of committing suicide, but not only had he thought of it, he had _tried_ it… And he had very nearly succeeded.

Cyborg sighed once again, leaning against a cart of medical tools that were kept handy in case of emergency.

It felt as if his entire world had been shifted, all because of the sudden realization that he had been wrong about Beast Boy. What other theories were supposedly fool-proof, but in all honesty might come tumbling like a house of cards the second he let his guard down?

_Of all people, why did it have to be him? Shouldn't Raven have been more prone to suicide? _He hated the fact that he had even asked that question in his mind, but he couldn't deny its validity. After all, she was the one who was supposed to destroy the world. _Why not end it before it even began?_ He kicked himself, but once again, it was just a fact. A plain simple fact. It shouldn't have been Beast Boy. But it had been.

Lost in his guilty thoughts, Cyborg failed to notice that the cart of medical supplies was slowly moving away from him. Before he could comprehend what was happening, a loud crash echoed throughout the half-lit room as gravity pulled the cart down onto its side, scattering medical instruments everywhere.

He jerked his head to see if he had accidentally woken Beast Boy up, and sure enough, the pointed ears twitched.

His watery eyes opened slowly, the mildly lit atmosphere bringing him back to consciousness at a slow, even pace. He blinked a few times, then sat up stiffly, his eyes flickering around the room before settling on Cyborg's face. He ran his fingers through his short green hair.

"Do I have to sleep in the med-bay?" he asked, his voice having returned to a more naïve tone compared to when he had brought Raven's body back. _He's not completely awake,_ Cyborg reminded himself. He bent down to set the cart upright before picking the tools up off the smooth floor tiles.

"Yeah." He answered. "Your heart stopped beating for almost ten minutes."

The change in Beast Boy's eyes was obvious and immediate. It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that he remembered what had happened now.

"We're keeping you here so that we can monitor you in case anything goes wrong." Cyborg didn't add that they were also making sure that he didn't commit suicide again, but he didn't have to. Beast Boy knew what he was thinking.

"Cy, you've got to let me explain!" he choked out, his mind working in overtime to think of a good reason for killing himself. Would he accept Raven's death as a good enough motive, or would Cyborg just think he belonged in a mental hospital?

Before he could get a single word out, Cyborg interrupted.

"Save it. We'll talk about it in the morning." He said bluntly, setting the last of the medical supplies onto the cart. He looked up at the clock, heaving a sigh as he read the time. 12:13 a.m.

"For now, just try to get some sleep." He added, turning the last of the lights off before disappearing behind the sliding metal doors that led out into the hallway.

Beast Boy took a deep breath, holding it for as long as he dared. The air rushed out between his teeth as he cautiously settled his head back onto the pillow.

Now that Cyborg's disappointed glance was no longer trained on him, he wondered if the rest of his team had figured out that he had been trying to save his life before they had found him. Maybe if they knew what his real intentions were, they might understand that he didn't need to go to some sort of rehab center. He glared into the darkness of the med-bay, wishing the anxiety tying a knot in his stomach would disappear.

He was still living because he was living for _her_. He only hoped that they would see it the same way.

With his mind trained on Raven and his eyes closed, Beast Boy's focus melted away once again like butter off a hot plate. In seconds, he was not only thinking about her, but dreaming about her as well.

* * *

_Time went in reverse. Beast Boy watched as he witnessed Raven's death all over again, but this time it was less painful somehow. What could have been a millisecond or a million years passed as he drank in his sorrow. It was bittersweet, and in some ways, it reminded him of what he always imagined Raven's tea would taste like. The bitterness gradually dwindled away, and he looked up to find that time had been turned back further, to a period before any of this had ever happened, and before Terra had ever come back. _

_Beast Boy was staring at Raven, eyes narrowed. She stood before him in a white cloak; her hair longer than he ever remembered it being before. A soft smile graced her lips. He watched her warily, unsure if this girl really was the same Raven he had known all along._

"_Blue is still my favorite color. And don't get used to the smile". She said, as her face took on its usual apathetic expression. "'Cause you're still not funny."_

_He grinned wide enough to make his face hurt, leaping at her before crushing her in a (not literal) bear hug. _

"_Raven!" he beamed, squeezing his eyes shut._

_Around him, the scene changed, and Raven disappeared from his arms. Disappointed, he opened his eyes again, and a light breeze brought the salty smell of the Pacific Ocean. The moon shone down on him as the waves lapped gently against the rock that he was sitting on. The water was unexpectedly calm, a contradiction to the war taking place inside of him._

_Soft footsteps echoed behind him, and in an instant the storm of his thoughts quieted to a mild shower._

"_So… He was the one who hurt you, right? Not me?" he asked, remnants of pointless guilt making it hard to breathe._

"_He broke into the tower to attack you… And wound up attacking me too." _

_Beast Boy grimaced, hating himself for being the cause of her harm, whether it had been directly or not. He groaned as another realization came to mind._

"_I can't believe I ate meat." He said, then dropped the subject, focusing on what he really needed to say to her. "I acted like a jerk. I'm sorry."_

_She accepted his apology all too quickly, dismissing his reprehensible actions. "You weren't yourself."_

_He bit the inside of his cheek. "Cyborg says the chemicals at the lab messed with my DNA. Unleashed something… primal." _

"_And he gave you an antidote. You're better now." _

_Beast Boy looked down at his reflection in the water, as if he could still imagine the face of that… creature… staring back at him. _

"_Yeah. But that thing… that Beast… it came from inside me. And it's still there. I can feel it." _

_Her next words were unexpected, and they caught him off guard. "Good." She sat down next to him, staring out at the dark horizon, lit gently by the light of the full moon. "If it wasn't for that Beast, I might not be here right now." _

_Beast Boy looked up at her, smiling softly. She continued to speak, but he could no longer hear her. _

_He reached out, trying to hold onto her, but she was already gone. The door to her bedroom materialized in front of him. Raven was behind it this time, he knew. _

"_Raven? It's me. Look. I'm sorry."_

"_For what?" she asked from inside of her room. "You're not the one who…"_

"_No. I'm sorry that… he broke your heart."_

"_I know it was all a lie. But he was the only person who ever made me feel like I wasn't… creepy. And don't try to tell me I'm not."_

_Beast Boy stared at her door gravely, wishing he could take back what he'd said. It certainly hadn't done her any good. If he had just kept his mouth shut, the entire Malchior situation might never have happened. He clenched his fists. No matter what Raven thought, this was his fault. That meant it was up to him to fix it to the best he could. _

_He sighed. "Okay. Fine. You're way creepy. But that doesn't mean you have to stay locked in your room." He paused for a few seconds, letting it sink in. "You think you're alone, Raven, but you're not."_

_He took a step back. If she didn't come out of her room now, there was nothing else to say. He half expected her to just stop talking to him, go back to sulking with her door locked tightly behind her. _

_To his surprise, the hulking slab of metal with her name etched into it slid to the side, revealing Raven._

_She stood there, a dejected look on her face. Her shoulders sagged under the weight of what probably felt like the whole world. She looked as if she had given up, something Beast Boy wasn't used to seeing. _

Oh, man, Rae,_ he thought. _Look at yourself.

_His eyes widened as Raven walked closer, pulling him into a hug. _

_Beast Boy gaped, his astonishment too much for him. He put his hands on her shoulders, pushing away so he could look into her eyes. He never got the chance, though, because she had faded to black once again. _

_He blinked in the darkness, expecting another fond moment with her. _

_His heart pounded in his ears as the memories came faster and faster, the pages of a book being flipping to the front cover. _

"_No!" he shouted, clutching at the reel of memories. They only scrolled faster, and they passed right through his hands like water slipping out between his fingers, scattering multicolored drops. It felt as if he were trying to stop a river from flowing, and he glanced over at the frames down the line, realizing that the end of this beautiful nightmare was quickly coming closer and closer. Somehow, he knew that once he reached the last frame, there would be no rewinding. _

_In a desperate attempt to prevent the inevitable, he slammed his body into the film, crashing through the last couple of frames. _

_He opened his eyes, finding himself at the very beginning._

_Beast Boy stood at the end of what would soon be their island, watching the sunrise with Cyborg and Raven by his side. He knew exactly where he was. _

_He looked around to find that Titan's Tower did not yet exist. _

_By anyone else's standards, this insignificant scrap of a memory meant nothing. To him, though, it meant the world. It was the first, and so it was the most important to him. Without this memory, there would never have been any others. _

"_That's quite a view." Raven said, spellbound by the sunlight scattered in waves off the surface of the ocean_

"_Someone oughta build a house out here." Cyborg added in agreement. _

_Beast Boy didn't reply at first, knowing he had a limited amount of time left in this, the first and most wonderful of his recollections. In the end, though, he knew he had to continue it to get to the best part, although he felt he could stand here next to Raven forever, watching the sunrise until he went blind._

_With a bittersweet smile, he joked. "Yeah, if you like _sunshine_, and the _beach_!" He wiggled his eyebrows, knowing exactly what was coming._

_Raven chuckled softly, right on cue. "You know, you're kind of funny." _

_Beast Boy grinned at her, remembering what he was supposed to say next, but her face grew fainter before his eyes. His smile disappeared._

"_You think I'm funny?" he asked halfheartedly, but the memory was already over. The sunrise was gone, replaced by an old theatre. _

_Beast Boy sighed, turning from the vacant stare of the tattered movie screen. He cast his eyes downward. "That's it." He whispered quietly to the empty rows of seats. "That's the end."_

_Behind him, there was a small crackling of static. He disregarded it, taking a step towards the exit. There was nothing else to see, he knew. _

"_Robin." Cyborg's voice sounded rough over the aged speakers of the movie theatre. Beast Boy turned back to the screen, an optimistic look on his face. The screen was still black. His ears drooped in disappointment , and he let out another gusty sigh, crestfallen. _

"_Robin, come here!" Cyborg repeated more urgently over the speakers, and Beast Boy's ears perked up again. _

"_What is it?" Robin asked, and the changeling's heart thudded in his chest. _

"_I think…" Cyborg began slowly._

Get on with it!_ Beast Boy shouted in his mind, somehow realizing that what Cyborg was about to say was exceedingly important. _Just say it!

"_I think… I can bring her back."_

_Beast Boy inhaled sharply, then quickly shut up as the conversation continued, listening intently._

"_What do you mean?" Robin asked, his voice cautiously hopeful._

"_I mean what I said, Rob." He replied. "I think I know how to bring Raven back."_

* * *

Beast Boy opened his eyes blearily, a flood of pure contentment washing over him. _Raven still has a chance! Cyborg found a way to bring her back! _He thought, in disbelief at how good it felt to know that this wasn't the end.

Finally unable to contain his excitement, he opened his eyes fully. Morning sunlight shone in on him, bringing with it his ability to decipher reality from illusion. His heart sank like a lead balloon at the truth that suddenly unfolded before him. He had never hated the sun as much as he did right now. More than anything else, he wanted to return to those dark and naïve seconds in which he had actually believed that Raven wouldn't be gone forever. He shut his eyes again, clawing at the soured remains of what had been the best dream he had ever had.

_Why can't it just be true?_ He begged, tears dampening his pillow. Biting back a sob, he turned on his side, hugging his knees to his chest. He never believed it could hurt so much, never knew he could come to love somebody to the extent that he felt he couldn't live without them. He cursed himself, wishing that he hadn't survived his own attempt on his life. Why couldn't he just go and be with the one he loved?

He felt completely and utterly lost, and the only person who could guide him was gone. As in dead. Never coming back. The heartless finality of that thought was enough to choke another strangled sob out of him.

He would never get the chance to try to win her heart, never get the chance to prove his affection.

Why did he, of all people, have to be stripped of the one thing he needed so badly?

Beast Boy opened his eyes again, remembering his one consolation. Raven had spoken to him, encouraged him to save himself, in his mind. That alone had been enough to give him the strength he needed to fight his way to the surface, but was she still there? He almost didn't want to ask for the answer to that question, but he had to know for sure.

His curiosity, his need to hear her voice again, led him to tentatively ask, _Raven?_ He waited, and the quiet stretched out before him. _Raven, are you there?_ He repeated louder this time. No answer. The cold metallic emptiness of his own mind echoed back, magnified ten-fold. Silence truly was deafening.

He bit his lip, closing his eyes once more. Without her voice, he had nothing to hold on to. He jerked his eyes open again when all he saw in his mind was her face, her violet eyes cold and lifeless. The image bore into him, as inescapable as the hypno-screens that Mad Mod had once used on him.

"Raven." He whispered. "How am I supposed to survive your death when I can't live without you?" His foundation was blown to bits. Once again, he found himself falling, but this time he saw no reason to claw his way back up.

Every ounce of determination had vanished like fog with the morning sun, except for the undying desire to end his misery once and for all.

Looking around the room, Beast Boy wondered how he would pull it off this time. The windows were hurricane proof, eternally sealed to keep out the crashing waves. Robin had probably locked the door or something so they could talk to him without him running off again. No escape, which meant he would have to find another way to end his life. He glanced over at the cabinets, realizing with dismay that anything lethal would probably be in the high tech cabinet which happened to be locked. Only Cyborg had the technology to open it with the automatic lock, but there was also an old fashioned lock in case of a power outage. The only problem; he didn't know where the key was. There went _that_ strategy.

He sighed, resting his head on his hands. The rest of the team had done a pretty good job of avoiding another suicide attempt. He looked around the room once more, noticing the cart of medical supplies that Cyborg had tipped over the night before. The sunlight glinted off of the tip of the scalpel that lay wrapped in a sterile towel.

Beast Boy looked down at the machines connected to him, monitoring his heartbeat, along with quite a few other things. If he disconnected them, the rest of the team would be down here in a matter of minutes.

Taking a deep breath, he stretched a hand out to try to grab the edge of the cart. Had it been an inch further, he wouldn't have been able to reach it. He picked up the scalpel, staring at his reflection in the glossy surface. His eyes were bloodshot, irritated by tears, making his skin and irises seem a lot greener than they actually were. He gulped, wishing there was some other way. He would be leaving a grisly mess if he killed himself like this.

Hands shaking, he lifted the scalpel to his wrist.

Beast Boy gripped the handle tightly as two sides of himself battled it out in his mind.

_Come on you coward, just do it! _Half of him shouted.

The other half stood up weakly for Raven's wishes. _But she saved me. She wouldn't want me to… I can't just…_

_Of course you can. She only saved you because she's Raven. Do you really think she would have left you to face her father alone without giving her all to defeat him first? She had no other choice! You're going to base the rest of your life on what she did when she couldn't have done anything else?_

_Yes… _

_That's what I thought._ He scoffed at himself. _But she's not the one who has to live without the one person she really needs, you are! It's your choice, not hers!_

_I know… And I choose to live. _He thought, an unanticipated tenacity giving him the strength to chuck the scalpel across the room.

Beast Boy turned, shoving the cart as far away from him as possible. There was no way he even had a chance at killing himself now. He lifted his hands to his head and tangled his fingers in his hair as he tried not to regret what he'd just condemned himself to; a life of misery. A life without Raven.

His ears flickered, picking up the sound of footsteps echoing in the hallway. He lay back down on the cot, trying to look as if nothing had happened just now.

A few seconds later, the rest of his team entered the med-bay, not bothering to close the door. He clenched his jaw, trying to hide the pained look on his face as he couldn't help but notice that one of the teammates was missing. _It doesn't count as missing when I know for a fact that she's dead, _he thought pessimistically.

He examined the people that had come to be his friends, trying to judge their faces for signs of anger, disappointment, or maybe confusion. Starfire glanced around the room awkwardly, and Cyborg stood with his arms crossed, staring out the window with a guarded expression. He hesitated to look at Robin at first, but when he got the courage to, he was standing closest to his bed, his hands gripping the back of a chair and his gaze seeming to bore into a spot on the wall just above Beast Boy's pillow.

Robin closed his eyes for a second, preparing himself for the speech he needed to make. Taking a deep breath, he began.

"Look, Beast-"

"Just let me explain first!" Beast Boy interrupted, trying to make a case for himself before they sent him off to a mental hospital. He realized that he had no idea what to say, and he struggled to find the right words. Even if he didn't get sent to a mental institution, Robin still had every right to fire him. He sat up in his bed. "I… I had to… Last night I mean. I just... I wasn't thinking straight, and I couldn't stand it any longer. But I'm not going to try it again. I… I'll be okay, just don't kick me off the team!" he begged.

Robin tilted his head slightly, and by now Beast Boy could tell that he was looking at him from behind the mask. "You really think I would kick you off the team?" he asked, slightly surprised.

Beast Boy sighed. "Well, remember that one time, you threatened to put me in jail." He replied sullenly.

"Right." He said. "Well, whether you need some sort of psychiatric help or not, I wouldn't have kicked you off the team."

"Great. I'm going to a mental institution." He muttered.

"No." Robin corrected. "You're not. I've thought long and hard about this, and I realized that your decision wasn't quite as irrational as it seemed. I.. I might have done the same thing if..." He trailed off, glancing protectively at the only female in the room. "Why should I label you as insane if I'm just as insane as you are?" he asked, turning back to Beast Boy with a small smile on his face.

Relief flooded over him like a bucket of warm water, but his blood quickly froze in his veins as Robin continued. "However, I did want you to meet someone before we let you leave the med-bay."

"I don't want to see anyone right now." Beast Boy replied, his voice quiet, but firm.

"But, Beast Boy, it will help-" Starfire began, but he cut her off.

"I told you, I don't want to see anyone, especially not some stupid shrink!" He pressed his tense back against the headrest of the cot like a cornered animal, trying to get as far away from his friends as he could. He ripped off the wires attaching him to the monitors.

Cyborg tried to intervene, speaking in a far softer voice than normal. "We didn't call in a shrink, it's just-"

"NO!" Beast Boy shouted. "I just need a few days, can't you at least give me that?" he pleaded.

"I know it hurts, Beast Boy, but-"

"You have no _idea_ how I feel right now, Robin!" he hissed. "None of you do!"

Robin stared at him, then looked over at the open door of the med-bay. He nodded, signaling to someone that had to have been standing there all along to come inside.

"I said no!" Beast Boy repeated. "You're not even listening to me! She was a lot more important to me than you think. Can't you see that I loved h…"

He never finished his sentence, because Raven was already standing in the doorway.

There she was. The girl he thought he would never see again. And it wasn't a dream. At least, he didn't _think_ it was a dream. He ignored the doubt that somehow found a way to ruin this moment. For now, he didn't care whether it was a dream or not, because she was right there, as real as ever.

She was even more beautiful than he remembered, with her hood down, and her violet eyes sparkling in a way they never had before. He knew he wasn't imagining the faint smile she had as she looked at him. It had been a long time since he had earned a smile like that, a real smile, especially from her.

He stood up slowly, his uncertainty obvious as he crossed the room. He lifted a hand, then pulled away slightly, hesitant to touch her for fear she would vanish the second he did.

Taking in a deep breath, he wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tightly as if to assure himself that it was all real. For once, she did the same.

"I thought I lost you, Rae." He whispered, mostly to himself. "Thank God you're alive."

* * *

_Alrighty, that's the end of that chapter! I have a comment to make about it, though, but if you don't want to read it, you don't have to._

_The dream scene of this chapter is very important to me, because I got the inspiration for it when my cat, Rascal, died. I had a dream that the vet figured out a way to bring him back, and when I woke up, I did the same thing Beast Boy did. I had a few brief seconds to believe that my dream was reality before the world came crashing back down. It sucked, because I honestly thought it was real. Unfortunately, the one I lost didn't end up being alive. That's why I had to write it like this. I know how much it sucks, so I didn't want Beast Boy (even though he's fictional) to have to go through the same thing I did (on a bigger scale of course, I didn't lose the love of my life, I just lost my cat, but that doesn't change the fact that it hurt.). Don't misread this comment and think that I'm asking for your pity, because I'm not. I'm just explaining why this story had to be such an emotional rollercoaster (if you thought it was, of course). I absolutely hate it when people pity me because it makes me feel all guilty and jerkish cuz there are people out there that have it far worse than I do, and here I am complaining and getting people to feel sorry for me. And anyway, we recently got two more kittens, and it's helped quite a bit! Also, please don't review telling me I'm a lame wimp or anything, cuz that's just rude. You've obviously never loved your cat very much if you think it's stupid. _

_Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I'll see you next time ;D (Great, now I sound like one of those stupid kid shows…) Cya!_


	18. Chapter 18

FINALLY! The long awaited 18 Chapter of Redemption Impossible! The next chapter is the last, and I know exactly what's going to happen ;) I've already got it all planned! And this chapter is ENORMOUSLY long! With the author's note included, it will probably be close to 5,000 words, but I'll try to just get to the story. I would do a mail bag type thing, but I can't remember whose reviews I've replied to, and whose I haven't, so on with the story! And I'm terribly sorry for making everyone wait so long, but better late than never, right? If you notice any issues with grammar or anything, please say something. Mistakes are kind of embarrassing, and I'm uploading this at 1 AM, so… On with the story!

Without further ado, RascalKat proudly presents: **Redemption Impossible** (Emphasis on the Impossible) **Chapter 18**

* * *

A near awkward silence had settled over Titan's Tower, mostly because the person who normally made the most noise was currently lost in thought as he put together a sandwich complete with slices of tofu and vegetarian friendly cheese. After putting a slice of bread on top to finish it off, Beast Boy stared at his lunch for a few seconds, not really feeling hungry enough to eat it. He nudged the paper plate close to the edge of the counter before flicking it off and watching as it all fell into the trashcan. With a sigh, he looked back up at Raven for the umpteenth time.

Cyborg, who happened to have a front row seat to what all was going on in the commons room, made a mental note to free up his schedule for the next few minutes. There were more important things to do than upgrading the T-Car's stereo system at the moment. He walked over to Beast Boy, tapped a finger on his friend's shoulder, and motioned him into the hallway.

"All right, dude, what's going on?"

Beast Boy crossed his arms before putting on a look that had the word 'aloof' written all over it. "What do you mean?"

"I just watched you throw away a perfectly good tofu sandwich. Either the tofu's gone bad, or it's the apocalypse. So, which is it?"

Beast Boy bit his lip, knowing that if he said the tofu was bad, Cyborg might go and check. "I guess it's the apocalypse?" he said, forcing out a laugh and trying to sound like his usual innocent self. By the look on Cyborg's face, he wasn't buying it.

"I know this has something to do with Raven," he said. "Just skip to the chase and tell me what's up." Beast Boy didn't answer, so Cyborg knew he had the topic right. "She's not going anywhere, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know, but…"

"So then what is this about?"

Beast Boy let out a gusty sigh. "I don't know, I just…" He turned away, leaning against the wall. "You know how when something really traumatic happens to two friends, it can end up ruining the relationship? I… I'm scared that's what's going to happen, okay?"

"What, so you think that because the both of you technically died last night, it's going to mess up your friendship?" He had a hard time believing that was all that was truly wrong, even if it was a perfectly logical explanation of why Beast Boy was acting the way he was.

"It's just… Ugh, I can't… How are we supposed to act normal around each other?"

"Beast Boy, I know this is about more than just a friendship. Just spill, okay?"

Beast Boy whirled, eyes wide, to face his friend again. "What do you mean?"

With a light smirk on his face, Cyborg figured he might just say what he knew to be true. "You like her… And you're afraid that she knows it because you decided you couldn't live without her last night, right?"

Dumbfounded, the green teen couldn't help but stammer. "I… uh… but you… and how did…?"

_Bingo_. "It's okay dude, I already know you like her, you don't have to pretend it's not true."

Beast Boy blushed, trying not to look his teammate in the eye. "How did you know?"

"As I said very recently to someone else… I might as well be your brother… So I can tell."

"But does she know? You didn't tell her, Cy, please tell me you didn't say anything!" Desperation made his voice squeak, but he didn't care. If Raven found out, she'd be so mad…

"Relax, BB, she doesn't know!"

"She doesn't?" He could have collapsed with relief at that news. "So I can still tell her… when I'm ready… Aw, come on, let's face it, _that's _never going to happen." He smacked himself in the face, seething with frustration.

"And why is it never gonna happen? What, you too chicken to ask her out or something?"

"Of _course_ I'm too chicken! Have you ever had your face plastered against the ceiling of the commons room? That's what she did the last time I tried to give her a stupid hug!"

"Um, Beast Boy, I don't think that was because she was mad…" Cyborg replied, beginning to realize something very important. He already knew that Raven liked Beast Boy back… But Beast Boy didn't. Normally he wasn't one to meddle, but considering…

"Why else her powers go haywire enough to blast me into the ceiling?"

Cyborg grinned wider. "Anger isn't the only emotion in the world, B."

Confusion swam across Beast Boy's face. "What… what's that supposed to mean? Oh, come on, everyone always does that! They always get stuff that I don't, and then they don't explain it to me! Just tell me what you mean for crying out loud!"

"Do I have to spell it out for you, Beast Boy?" By now, Cyborg was beginning to laugh, unable to hold it in any more.

"Dude, quit it! And YES, spit it out!"

"Man, you really are dense," Cyborg replied as he finally got himself back under control.

"DUDE?"

"Oh, right." Beast Boy was looking up at him, eyes wide, as if he were waiting to hear what was actually in a hotdog. "What I was going to say is… Have you ever considered if maybe she likes you too?"

"Dude, that is so not funny, quit joking around! I'm serious!"

"I know you're serious, but so am I. The only reason she blasted you into the ceiling is because she likes you just as much as you like her, okay?"

He couldn't believe it at first, but as the words sunk in, he stared down at the floor. "I… really? Do you really think so?"

Setting his hands on Beast Boy's shoulders and looking him straight in the eye, Cyborg smiled. "I know so."

After a few seconds, Beast Boy smiled back. "So, uh, now what?"

Cyborg rolled his eyes. "You go get her? And if you're going to take as long asking Rae out as Robin did with Star, I'm going to have to intervene."

He let out a nervous laugh. "Of course not! I'm not a chicken! O… okay so I am a chicken…" For the first time, he seemed to realize the magnitude of the task before him. "And what the heck am I supposed to do? Just walk up to her and say "Hey, I know we both almost died last night, but do you wanna just put it behind us and you can be my girlfriend?" He-loooo! Not gonna happen, dude!"

"Ever heard of the word, 'romantic'?" Cyborg tried not to laugh as he said it. Beast Boy and 'romantic' just didn't mix. Unfortunately, he ended up with a smirk on his face, and Beast Boy narrowed his eyes, knowing just what his friend was thinking.

"What, you think I can't be romantic?"

"No, I never said that!" he covered, but on the inside he had to admit that Beast Boy was dead on. Beast Boy and 'romantic' went together like Starfire and cooking: they _didn't_ go together.

Beast Boy glared back at him, knowing a lie when he saw one.

"Okay, okay, fine. No, I don't really think you can be romantic, but do you really think I'm wrong? I vaguely remember you trying to ask another girl out and when she answered the door, you stood there with a deer-in-the-headlights look on your face. Now tell me I'm wrong."

The green teen's mouth dropped. "Dude, you were watching that?" He pushed past Cyborg and took a few steps towards his room.

"I wasn't spying on you, I was checking the security cameras to make sure none of them had been hacked or something."

"Likely story…" He turned back around, arms crossed.

"Look, B, that doesn't matter right now. The important thing is that you need to come up with something."

"But how am I supposed to…" Beast Boy's eyes widened as a thought crossed his mind. "Wait a second… Girls like dancing, right?"

"I don't really think Raven would like dancing… Remember that party we went to with Blackfire? She and that other goth guy just sat in the corner and watched… Bad idea, man."

"No, no, that's not the type of dancing I'm talking about! Back when I was in the Doom Patrol, Rita taught me how to slow dance. What if I found one of her favorite slow songs and asked her to dance to it?"

Cyborg thought for a few seconds. "That doesn't really seem like a Raven-like thing to do… But I guess it's worth a shot…"

"So you can hack into her computer files and find her favorite slow song?"

"I guess… But she probably doesn't listen to that sort of music, B. The last time I saw her IPod, she was listening to some sort of screamo song."

"But people don't just listen to one type of music all the time, there's gotta be something!"

"All right, I'll check. But I need you to get Raven out of the commons room for a few minutes. It'll be a whole lot easier if I can just access the main computer system."

"Gotcha, I owe you one, Cy!" Beast Boy sped off down the hallway and back into the commons room, a dopey looking grin on his face. He nearly tripped down the stairs just inside the door, too preoccupied with his own thoughts to notice.

Was it really possible that Raven liked him back? She had always seemed like she hated him… Beast Boy stopped abruptly, turned around, and walked back into the hallway. He had to know for sure. "Dude, that's just mean."

Cyborg hadn't moved yet. "What's mean?"

"You telling me that Raven likes me! Man, Robin's right, I really _am_ gullible… It's not funny dude!"

"I wasn't lying, B, just trust me! Wait a second… where did you get that necklace?"

"What neckla…" Beast Boy looked down to see the necklace that he had taken from Raven when he had thought she wasn't coming back. The penny. "Oh… That necklace… I… Um…"

"You got it from Raven, didn't you?"

"I… uh… Yes."

"So you're the reason she couldn't find it."

"What do you mean?"

"She was asking me if I'd seen it… And she seemed pretty concerned that she didn't know where it was. I'm guessing you figured out what penny it is." Cyborg crossed his arms, a smile on his face.

"Yeah, it's the one I gave her the day that she… Hey, that's not fair either, you changed the subject!" Beast Boy exclaimed, glaring at his friend. "You told me Raven liked me, and you think I'm stupid enough to believe you!"

"No, she really does…" Cyborg trailed off, trying to think of some sort of tangible proof that he was telling the truth. The penny glinted in the light of the hallway, catching his eye. "Look what you're wearing, dude. She had to have gone searching for that penny, and she wouldn't have done that if she didn't care. Just trust me, okay!"

Beast Boy held the penny between his thumb and forefinger, rubbing the copper surface. "You're sure?"

"For the last time, yes, now go get Raven out of the commons!" He followed Beast Boy back into their main living area and watched as Beast Boy looked around the room, confused.

"Where'd she go? I could have sworn she was here a few minutes ago…"

"Lemme check." Cyborg walked over to a panel of computers, pulling up the security cameras. "She's up on the roof, meditating." Beast Boy headed over to the door that led to the stairs, only to pause with his hand still on the doorknob as Cyborg continued. "You know, since she's already out of the way, you don't have to go talk to her."

"I… I have a few questions to ask her."

"Fine, B, but don't come crying to me if she blasts you off the tower," he mumbled to himself as he set to work finding a song Raven would like.

"Make a list and print me off a copy when you're done."

"Sure."

"Thanks Cy."

"Yup," he replied absentmindedly, already concentrating on his task.

Beast Boy took a deep breath and started climbing the stairs. _Just relax, it's just Raven. You can do this._ He tried to bring himself to the time back before he'd ever known she liked him back. Luckily he didn't plan on saying anything to do with the fact that they liked each other. Feeling his heart skip a beat, he opened the door to the roof.

There she was. And he had no clue what to say to her. She hovered at the edge of the roof in the lotus position, turned away from him. He didn't walk towards her, trying to think of the right way to start.

"I know you're there Beast Boy." Well, there went _that_ plan. Raven didn't turn around to look at him: she picked up her mantra again and went back to meditating. Beast Boy couldn't help but smile at the way she said the words. There was just something about her voice that he loved. "Can I help you?"

Startled out of his thoughts, he felt himself blush. Fortunately, she still hadn't turned around, and therefore hadn't seen it. "Hi." He walked over to her, sitting down and dangling his legs over the edge of the roof.

"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm kind of in the middle of something." She said quietly. Almost nicely…

"I… I just wanted to ask you a few questions… If you don't mind."

At first, she didn't answer, and for a second, Beast Boy thought she hadn't even heard him. Then, she spoke. Had anyone but Beast Boy been sitting there waiting for an answer, they wouldn't have heard what she'd asked. "A few questions about what?"

Where to start? There were so many questions he had to ask, and each of them had the potential to be questions that Raven might view as off-limits. Maybe he should start with a simpler question…

"When that song came on during the birthday party last night, why were you crying?" Beast Boy gave himself a mental slapping. _Of all the questions you could ask, you just _had _to pick that one._ _So much for simple._ "I mean, if you don't wanna say…" he stammered, trying to correct his mistake, "I understand, but…"

Once again, Raven didn't answer for a few seconds. Finally, she opened her eyes for the first time, although she continued to stare out at the ocean, lowering herself to sit on the roof next to him.

"I was… crying…" she began, forcing the word out despite her pride, "because… When I first came to this dimension, to Earth, I was put into an orphanage."

Beast Boy narrowed his eyes, confused. _What does that have to do with-_

"I'm not finished yet, just hang on," she said, practically reading his thoughts.

"There was this boy named Tobey there, a few years older than me, and he acted a lot like an older brother would have. That song was his favorite because his father kicked him out of the house. He said Tobey was disrespectful and useless, but he was wrong. Tobey always wanted to impress him…"

Beast Boy could tell this wasn't the end of the story, and certainly not the reason for her emotional breakdown the night before. He waited as Raven took a shuddering breath, recounting the few sentences that held the answer to his question.

"Tobey and I were walking home from the grocery store, and it was late, but he saw one of his classmates getting beaten up by a couple of gang members. He tried to help, because he'd fought gang members before, but they had a knife this time… And they stabbed him… I don't know how many times. I didn't do anything because I was afraid if they saw me, they'd kill me too."

"You were watching," Beast Boy stated, horrified. No person should ever have to witness someone die, much less someone they truly care about.

She nodded, and although she took a few deep breaths that she tried to pretend had nothing to do with emotions, no tears came to her eyes. Beast Boy almost wished he could tell her it was okay to cry, but it didn't seem like the right thing to say. At least it made sense now. And Raven had confided in him about a secret he was fairly sure no one else knew about.

They each sat staring out as the waves lapped up against the rocks far below them.

"Thank you."

Raven turned to look at him. "For what?"

"For trusting me."

"Hm…" she said, not sure how to reply. The silence stretched on for a few seconds.

"Um… Is Tobey the one… the one that always called you Rae?" The second he said those words, he knew they were true. Raven's eyes widened, and he was fairly sure he'd heard her suck in a breath of air.

"Yes… Yes he was." Her voice was small, as if she had been pulled back into a time where she herself was smaller, back before the Titans had ever existed.

"And that's why you hate being called Rae. Because that nickname is reserved for _him_. I understand. And… And I'm sorry I've called you Rae so many times. I didn't know." He looked over at her, having never expected the conversation to get this deep.

"No, it's not your fault… And it's okay. It's not so bad anymore. Time heals all wounds, I guess."

He had never seen this side of her before. She suddenly seemed so… vulnerable. But at the same time, it was nice to know that she wasn't cold as stone on the inside the way she was on the outside.

"Next question?"

Beast Boy thought for a second before he looked down to realize that he was still wearing her necklace. "Oh, um… Hang on a sec…" He unclasped the necklace and leaned closer to her. "I think this belongs to you," he said, clasping it around her neck this time.

Her hand flew up to the penny, and he watched as her face changed from relief to embarrassment. Her cheeks reddened, but he could hardly tell because of the hood of her cloak. "Thanks," she whispered.

"No problem. And it was a great idea, putting it on a necklace," he added, trying to dispel some of her embarrassment. He knew he'd failed when she looked down, the shadow of her hood now completely obscuring her face. "Okay, next question… Um… I don't know if you'd know the answer or not, but… What happened to Trigon? I mean, I was fighting him after you… well, you know, but when he was about to break into our world, I snuck up behind him to hit him again, but before I could, he vanished. Just disappeared completely, as if he'd never been."

Raven thought for a few seconds, silently going back over everything that had happened the night before. "His portal closed," she stated confidently.

"What do you mean? Weren't... Weren't _you_ his portal?" By now, Beast Boy was thoroughly confused.

"I _was_ his portal. His portal closed because my heart stopped beating," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

"Oh." He smiled to himself. Even in death, she had defeated her father again. And then, the inevitable expression of his own pride spoke into his thoughts.

_I didn't do anything… Trigon's disappearance had absolutely nothing to do with me. In Raven's greatest time of need, I did absolutely nothing. _

As the thought sunk in like lead in the pit of his stomach, he wanted to leap up and run back to Cyborg and tell him to give up on his search for Raven's favorite song. He was beginning to realize just how inadequate he was compared to Raven, and he wasn't going to try to force himself on her when he didn't even deserve her. He balled up his fists, suddenly angry at himself for being so useless. "I wasn't even strong enough to fight off Malchior on my own," he whispered, unaware that he'd even said it out loud.

"What do you mean?"

"I – Malchior was telling me to kill you, and he had complete control over me. I couldn't do anything but follow his lead." he shuddered in anger at himself. "Why am I so useless? The only reason you didn't die then and there was because I transformed into the Beast because his will is stronger than mine." That was it. He would never be good enough to have Raven for his own. She didn't deserve to have such a stupid _runt_ as her boyfriend. Beast Boy gritted his teeth, ready to run back down and tell Cyborg to call it all off. What other choice did he have? He wasn't going to let such a wonderful girl stoop to his level. He didn't want that. He had _never_ wanted that. He just wished he'd known it wouldn't work between them before he'd gotten his hopes up. "The Beast was the only form I could take that could break Malchior's spell. I was useless on my own, Raven."

He let out a quiet sigh, trying desperately to ignore how much he'd come to care for the person sitting next to him. But he would deal with not being able to have Raven as his own. If it meant she was happy, he would just have to be happy too.

"You're not useless, Beast Boy."

"Yes I am."

"No, you're not."

"Okay, fine. Give me one reason why I shouldn't think otherwise." He tried to keep the sudden fury out of his voice, in case Raven thought it was meant for her.

"You never turned into the Beast," she said simply.

"Yes I did, you were half conscious at the time."

"Conscious enough to open my eyes and see you change back to your human form and defeat Malchior."

Beast Boy was dumbfounded. He'd turned into the Beast, he'd been sure of it! But then… he had been able to control himself, even in his Beast form. And he could have sworn the hands that had snapped Malchior's neck were not his own. Right?

"But… But I morphed."

"I was watching, Beast Boy, I know what I saw."

"I… Really? I was myself?"

"Of course. I know which spell he used. He taught me the same one when he tricked me into breaking the curse."

"He did?"

"Mhm. Nervis mobile lignum. The same trick I used when I morphed you into a rat."

Beast Boy could feel his hear t begin to beat faster, convinced that she was telling him the truth.

"That spell is specifically tailored to shape shifters. Those shape shifters can only break the spell in their original forms, and only with a great deal of determination."

"So I had to have been myself to break the spell…" Could it really be possible that Raven was telling the truth? She had to be right… and at the moment, that was his only hope of ever feeling okay about asking her to be his girlfriend. "I broke it on my own."

"Yes, you broke Malchior's spell on your own. You saved my life, at least for that moment, on your own." she said calmly, as sure as if she were telling somebody the sky was blue.

"That's… That's nice to know," he said quietly. _That's_ really_ nice to know, _he thought, his heart soaring.

"Okay, next question."

"Actually, um… I think that was it…" There was one question that he was dying to ask, but he knew she'd probably be mad if he did.

"You're sure?"

"Yes." The conversation dropped there, and Beast Boy was beginning to wish he had more questions to ask just to hear her voice. Finally, his curiosity devoured his fear at being hurled into the ocean at top speed, and he sheepishly began. "Well, there was one question…"

"Ask away."

"You promise you won't hit me or something?"

Raven rolled her eyes at him. "Promise."

"No, you've gotta pinky swear!" he said, trying to say something funny to draw her attention away from his question. He was beginning to have second thoughts about asking, and right now, he wished he'd never said anything.

"Beast Boy, I said I promised, now just ask the stupid question." No nonsense Raven, as always. Besides, there was no turning back now. If he refused to tell her, Raven might hurl him into the ocean at top speed anyway.

"I… Okay… Um… Well, if you really…. _had_ died… what do you think your biggest regret would be?"

Raven turned to look at him, eyes wide. Of all the questions to ask, Beast Boy was asking a… _deep_ question? A hypothetical question? Maybe there was hope for his intelligent side yet.

"Please don't hurt me, Rae… ven…" he squeaked, reading her silence as anger and holding his hands up in the universal 'easy there' gesture.

"I'm not mad, Beast Boy. Just kind of stunned."

"Oh. Okay. Well, what's your answer then?"

Raven narrowed her eyes, staring at the ground for a few moments. "I… I don't really know… Let me think about it." Beast Boy was so relieved that she wasn't about to throw him off the building that he almost didn't catch her next few words. "What would yours have been?"

"What?" He hadn't expected her to turn the question back on him.

"What would your biggest regret have been if you had actually died last night?"

"Uh… I guess I have to think about it too…" Immediately, a few answers came to mind: not reaching out to Terra before she became Slade's apprentice, noticing earlier that something had been wrong with Raven over the past couple of weeks… He even thought for a second that he wanted to go back and change the day his prank on Cyborg – the one with the motor oil – hadn't ended up hitting Starfire instead. But each of these didn't seem as important as the answer he came up with next. It wouldn't be the logical answer, but he knew it was the truth. "Okay, I think I've got it… After Malchior betrayed you for the first time, and I was standing outside your room apologizing for calling you creepy… And you came out and hugged me…" He stopped, not sure how she would take the next few words.

"What?"

He took a deep, shaky breath, trying to muster up his courage. "Well, I think my biggest regret… the one thing I would go back and change if I could… would be not hugging you back."


End file.
